More troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
More troubles
29
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 10:44am
My daughter came home yesterday and informed me that she is sitting in the library alone during lunch at school. Leanne is in 10th grade, and in Oklahoma she was a very popular girl. In her new, extremely larger school here in PA, she is apparently lost in the crowd. She is a shy person, but very outgoing once she is comfortable. I feel so sorry for her as this is something she needs to fix and I can't do it for her. It is heartbreaking and the guilt is overwhelming. When her father and I agreed to divorce it was selfish of us, becasue she is the one suffering and she was not the cause of the divorce. I actually felt so bad I asked her to give it a chance until Christmas break and if she hasn't adapted by then she could move back home with her Dad in Oklahoma. It was the absolute hardest thing I ever did in my life. She said she would feel bad leaving me but I assured her I would be ok and that her happiness is my main objective. Then I went to my room and hyperventilated/cried harder than I ever cried in my life. I love Leanne and want her happiness above all. I can't even imagine life without her in it on a daily basis. She seems very grateful for the opportunity and I don't know what she intends to do with that offer.

Next problem. I tried to break up with Jen last night. I have so much in my life I feel like I am neglecting her and she deserves so much more. She calls several times throughout the day and I find myself at a loss for words because we talk so much there is nothing new to say. I do not have time for chit chat and feel so stressed and guilty that I can't just stop everything 5 times a day and make light conversation even if I wanted to. She is so sweet and understanding but at the same time begs for more attention, and she deserves that, but I just don't have time and energy for a relationship right now. I miss and love Jen, but she is young and should be having fun with people her own age. I want her to move on with her life and if it is meant to be we will see eachother again someday. She went ballistic, and we agreed to one phone call a day - when I call her, and email contact. I want so much more for her, I wish she wasn't settling like this. She is so beautiful and funny and could be having so much fun with someone without so many problems. I can't make her see she is wasting her life on this long distance relationship with me.

I love Jen and Leanne, and want their happiness. If you pray, please pray for my best girls. Thanks for listening, Sandra

Sandr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 11:06am


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sandra}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

Sandra, please hold on. I'm sending angels of peace your way along with many prayers.

and a Hug!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:03pm
I'll keep you, Leanne, and Jen in my prayers.

Okay, I have a couple of suggestions. Those suggestions could be rather dumb or lame. I'll give it my best shot.

1) Why don't you and Leanne have a mother/daughter day. A day that is only for you and her. No one else is to interfere. You can spend the entire day with her and do something she likes. I don't know- like shoot hoops and eat at the local burger/soda shop. Something like that.

2) Take time out for yourself and meditate. Run yourself some hot water in the tub. Get some type of bathing lotion or something. Start from your head to your toes in releasing the negative energy. Just let the negative energy flow from your head down to your toes. And, pretend as if you can feel it leaving your feet. Like you are pushing it out of your body. I do this meditation and it feels good.

3) Maybe try and get Leanne involved in some type of club or activity similar like she was involved in at her local school in OK. Then, she may make new friends quicker with similar interests.


((((((((((((Sandra)))))))))))))

Take care,

rj

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:14pm
Thank you, because I sure need it! Thanks for always being here for me. Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:15pm
Those are wonderful suggestions RJ, I'll take them!Thanks for being a friend - hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:21pm


Your welcome, Sandra.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:44pm
(((((Sandra)))))

I am sorry you are having so many hardships since your move.

I really think rj had good suggestions.

If Leanne was popular at her old school then I think she will do well at her new school. It takes time to make new friends.

Jen is in love with you, maybe you can just take that one day at a time for now.

If you really want to break up with her then you have to do it and stick to it.

I hope Leanne can join some group or clubs at school so she feels more at home.

I wish you both well and I can't think of anything better than what rj has suggested.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:57pm
Thank you Laurie, I am confident that all will work out as it should. I just need a place to vent once in a while. Lately, it's been more than once in a while, but this will pass.

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:39pm
** HUG ** Please don't be so hard on yourself :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 5:03pm
I'm trying, but I feel very responsible. If I would have sucked it up a few years longer, I could have made up with my ex husband ONE MORE time, and then I would have never been involved with Jen, and she would be happy. Also, my daughter would be in her safe, secure, happy (looking)home...not with her lunatic single mother who isn't even working yet. UUUGGGHHH, well, thanks for your kind words. ((((Kathy))))) Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: sandralea33
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 6:15pm
Sandra,

My parents divorced when we were in highschool and she dated and my dad dated. We lived.

My sister made some threats to try to get them not to date other people but they told us,

"We are still your parents, but we have lives too."

I remember my mom asking my sister if she wanted mom to be lonely and unhappy the rest of her life. She also asked her if she (my sister) would want to never date so my mom could have all her attention. Of course she said no. She asked her how would she feel if mom made her feel guilty every time she wanted to go out.

It kind of helped put things in perspective for her. I never had a problem with either of them dating.

The thing is neither of us went crazy or got physically sick and we learned that our parents should be able to have a life even though it was not with each other.

My sister is fine, she is married and has been married to her highschool sweetheart.

I am fine. We can all still feed ourselves.

I am really mad at this therapist you went to.

I think dd needs to talk about the gay thing and get used to the fact that mom and dad deserve to have a life. But that therapist has issues to deal with herself.

Maybe talk to her about how unhappy you were with dh.

This therapist is only adding fuel to the fire. I think she is supposed to be helping dd figure a way to deal with her reality.

Sorry if I am out of line here Sandra. I am just trying to let you know that there are many kids who have divorced parents and they can still feed themselves, you know. When you are in a relationship that makes you unhappy or depressed that is not good.

Hey at least she is getting the bennefit of counseling. Do not feel guilty. Just find a real therapist and deal with the life you have. You are not wrong and your daughter is not wrong. You just have to figure that out and learn to love this life and yourselves.

I think Leanne is lucky to have a mom like you who is willing to take her to counseling and let her decide if she wants to move back with her dad to finish school. It does not mean you are a bad mom. You are both going through a big change in you lives so it will be tough at first. But I hope you won't add guilt to it when you don't need to.

hugs and smooches xoxox,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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