10 Year Inch

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
10 Year Inch
14
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:05pm
Sigh~

I'm already sighing- I've not even begun.

My grandmother called tonight. She said, "I've got to tell you some news."

My uncle has been speaking to my exhusband. For those of you who do not know much about my failed marriage... I was married for 6 years. I married an older man. He was 14 years older than me. I married right out of highschool. In 1995, we signed separation papers. We divorced in 1996.

My ex has been talking to my uncle. He told my uncle that he is still in love with me. He wants me back. He wanted to know if I was dating.

It has been almost 10 years since we separated. I wonder what part of..."I love you but not in the way I need to because I'm lesbian." did he not understand? Has it been the 10 years that has cluttered his mind and erased that sentence from his memory bank?

Since our divorce, he remarried and divorced again. He has a 7 year old boy from his second marriage. His mother, who controls his ever move, or did when I knew him, is 80 years old now. She's probably not wanting to look after a child.

You know, I still love him. But, I don't love him in the way I need to love him. You know? I'm not in love with him. It is more of a love that you have for a real close friend or a type of big brother. I always hated having sex with him. I had no interest in intimacy with him. And, I know that us going out again would be the worst thing.

I have some concerns as well. It has been 10 years. I think it is not so normal for him to be drudging this back up. I think he needs to go talk to someone professional and resolve his feelings for me. I know that he has a romantic love for me. I cannot reciprocate that love back to him. I hate that. I wish I could, but I cannot.

I wish I had the woman of my dreams with me. Then, when he calls and wants me back, someone could say, "Bill she's in a relationship." Sigh. The woman of my dreams. Have I ever told you about her? Well, believe it or not, I actually have dreamt some fantasy woman up. I would tell you all about her. But, she's complicated for a fantasy woman. LOL Sometimes, I wonder if I've already met her and let her slip away. Sigh~

It makes me sort of sad that I know someone loves me, but I don't feel the same for them. Yet, I yearn so much for that type of love. What is wrong with my life here? LOL What am I doing wrong? I feel like crying. But, I'll not.

Okay, had to get that off my chest, so to speak.

Thanks!

rj :)

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:40pm
(((((Hugs Dear Friend RJ))))) I know those feelings you describe.. I know how it is to have someone say they love me and want me with them but I don't feel the way they do and I at times feel bad for these people but I try to just remain caring of them... It hurts yes to know their pain... because I have felt it.. and it's not a nice feeling ....I wish at times there were more me's Haa So I could send them in different places to be with these people....You can't feel something thats not there..The best you can do is be honest and love him RJ in the only way you can but with your best..
That someone you have fantasies about may exsist for the most part but not all of her..
You may have known her or many her's and they passed through or not at all..
I would love to hear your discription of her(You can always e-mail me) **Smiles** If not that's okay too cause you know I am easy..**Smiles**
You will find who is right for you Hon one day..I believe that..
(((((((((Hugs)))))))"CAT"

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:09pm
Thanks CAT!

I'll drop you and email on Saturday. I'm going to try and get into bed. I need to paint my car on Saturday. Long story. I'll explain later. I'm trying to rid some stress by dancing. I've cut the rug for a bit. I've been listening to Styx. Now I'm listening to Creedence. Listening to the song Susie Q right now. Easy going music.



:) rj

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:50pm
(((((RJ)))))

I think it is okay for your ex to still be in love with you. It might be that you are the love of his life.

It is nice to know you are loved and it is okay to love him and not be in love with him.

Stalking you would be bad. If he starts that then it is not okay. Lol.

I believe the woman for you is out there. I really believe in everyone having soul mates and I believe we can have more than one.

Maybe the timing is off for you. Maybe there are reasons we do not know of that you have not met that special someone yet. Maybe she is not in a place yet where she is ready.

I would be interested in hearing about your fantasy woman. I like things like that.

If you wouldn't mind sharing I would love to hear it.

From what I know of you so far, you are an interesting person.

I just think that you are in a region that might be short lesbians (I mean in number not size like they are so short you can't see them under the plants and things as you walk by.) or maybe they are there and in the closet because of the location worried about their safety.

Maybe some of the couples in your church have single friends. If you get to know them better you might meet others through them eventually.

I read on a post here that you are a pisces like me so I know you love romance and I so want you to find it.

Maybe talking to some of the church people, asking them where the single women hang out and just getting to know them might help. Maybe you could give it more of a chance.

It can take time to build friendships so maybe if you go more regularly and attend some of the functions you will meet someone.

I am rambling here my friend so I will stop now.

Wishing cupid your way,

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:21pm

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:27pm

Okay you get the award for making me laugh tonight.. You nut!..Under the plants and things as she walks by?.. Haaaaaaaaaa
Real cute..You are good!..Lee


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:54pm
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:04pm
All week?.. Only?

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:49pm
Lee, Sure you say that like you want me to believe it is a joke... but we both know you are serious and have already fallen under my power. It is okay to admit it, you know? You don't have to play it off as a joke for me. I totaly understand ~sigh.

haaahaa, You know you want to be my sweetie and my crush. You cannot resist my charm.

You will dream sweet dreams about me, you probably have already but for some reason you just do not want to admit it. Right?

C'monnnn you can tell me. Trust me Lee. You trust me right?

You can post it right here and I won't tell anyone, ok? lol

Hugs from your crush,

Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 12:57am
MMMMMWAAAHHHH!!!!!

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 1:09am
Again with the morality thing and the snap out of it thing too.

Okayyyyyyyyyy I get the hint.

I'll snap out of it! But you will have to do the slapping Lee. I will be walking through your dreams until you slap me Lee.

I like the babe magnet smiley btw. That's us Lee. Lol.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html

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