10 Year Inch
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| Fri, 11-05-2004 - 8:05pm |
I'm already sighing- I've not even begun.
My grandmother called tonight. She said, "I've got to tell you some news."
My uncle has been speaking to my exhusband. For those of you who do not know much about my failed marriage... I was married for 6 years. I married an older man. He was 14 years older than me. I married right out of highschool. In 1995, we signed separation papers. We divorced in 1996.
My ex has been talking to my uncle. He told my uncle that he is still in love with me. He wants me back. He wanted to know if I was dating.
It has been almost 10 years since we separated. I wonder what part of..."I love you but not in the way I need to because I'm lesbian." did he not understand? Has it been the 10 years that has cluttered his mind and erased that sentence from his memory bank?
Since our divorce, he remarried and divorced again. He has a 7 year old boy from his second marriage. His mother, who controls his ever move, or did when I knew him, is 80 years old now. She's probably not wanting to look after a child.
You know, I still love him. But, I don't love him in the way I need to love him. You know? I'm not in love with him. It is more of a love that you have for a real close friend or a type of big brother. I always hated having sex with him. I had no interest in intimacy with him. And, I know that us going out again would be the worst thing.
I have some concerns as well. It has been 10 years. I think it is not so normal for him to be drudging this back up. I think he needs to go talk to someone professional and resolve his feelings for me. I know that he has a romantic love for me. I cannot reciprocate that love back to him. I hate that. I wish I could, but I cannot.
I wish I had the woman of my dreams with me. Then, when he calls and wants me back, someone could say, "Bill she's in a relationship." Sigh. The woman of my dreams. Have I ever told you about her? Well, believe it or not, I actually have dreamt some fantasy woman up. I would tell you all about her. But, she's complicated for a fantasy woman. LOL Sometimes, I wonder if I've already met her and let her slip away. Sigh~
It makes me sort of sad that I know someone loves me, but I don't feel the same for them. Yet, I yearn so much for that type of love. What is wrong with my life here? LOL What am I doing wrong? I feel like crying. But, I'll not.
Okay, had to get that off my chest, so to speak.
Thanks!
rj :)

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This won't come as much consolation to you, rj, but this post says many good things about you.
1. You are loveable
2. you still care, which makes you emotionally generous
3. You can love to different degrees. Variations of grey, not just hate or
Never settle. You will live a lie and a life of regret.
She will find you, you will not be lonely forever. Never give up and NEVER settle.
Hugs my friend, Sandra
Sandr
C >^. A .
Yes that was me dancing in your dreams Lee.
I didn't feel a slap or did you miss 'cause you were sleeping. ha.
I am trying to find my way into your day dreams. Of course I have a much better chance of being slapped in a day dream. Hmmmmmm...delema...
Hugs,
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http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
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