I hesitate to even share this info..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
I hesitate to even share this info..
18
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 3:00pm
Here are some alternate discussion titles for this post:

Sandra is indecisive

Sandra is a financial moron

Sandra is way too accomodating to her daughter

Sandra is moving back to Oklahoma where she hates to live because she is all of the above.

It all began yesterday when I was taking Leanne to school. She hates her new school and we were bickering in the car about her terrible makeup job when I rear ended the car in front of me. My car is brand new, I got it new in april. I hit a blazer and basically slid under it and trashed my front end. Thankfully I didn't hurt the blazer and the kind woman I hit let me off the hook.

So....then I am driving home really upset about my car and knowing I will have to pay to have it repaired, upset because my straight A, popular, pretty, outgoing daughter is now shuffling up to the door of her new school, straight out of bed, looking like crap. I flick my cigarette out the car window and drive about 2 more blocks home. Something is hurting my back so I get up and shake my shirt and out rolls my lit cigarette. I burnt my back, my bra, my sweatshirt, my car seat. Oh joy. Then I go to the bathroom to look at my back and notice I started my period. Great. I want to go back to bed and start over but my friend calls from Oklahoma. Then another friend calls from Oklahoma. Then Jen calls from Oklahoma...

I came to the concusion that I probably should have stayed in Oklahoma. I love living here on Lake Erie, I love being with my family, I love my new house, I have spent thousands of dollars to get back here. BUT, my job I was hoping for fell through, the weather stinks, its very crowded and dirty here, and most importantly - my daughter hates her school, hasn't make a friend, sits in the school library alone at lunch everyday, and cries constantly.

OK, I know what you are thinking, adjustment takes time, she didn't give it a fair chance. She always gets her way with me, my happiness should count too. But when she is happy, I AM happy. I love her and I hate seeing her so miserable, I hate bringing her to school everyday. I even let her miss a day once because I couldn't bear to know she was alone there, lost in a sea of 1200 students. So here I go again - reacting.

I hope there isn't a limit on how much I can say here because I have more thinking out loud to do, if you are still reading this - thank you.

I told Leanne that if we go back I was going to be with Jen. I told her she needed to decide whats worse, and what is really important to her. She said the situation here is far worse than Jen and I living together. She said she would gladly and happily live in Oklahoma with me AND Jen, than to have to stay here and be away from everything and everyone she loves. THis whole experience made her realize that life wasn't as bad as she thought, she wanted me to leave Jen, and find someone else. Here I am alone, and lonely. Jen is lonely, and she sees that we love eachother - even if we aren't together physically. I guess everythign really does happen for a reason. This was a very expensive lesson.

I called Jen and my friend Tina, they have been out househunting together all day today. Everyone is so happy. Leanne is a new kid, just knowing I am going to take her home and we are going to stay together.

I have to buy my way out of the lease, and pay a moving company. This is going to cost me another small fortune, and I won't have too much left to start over again with. But, I will get a job, or two if I must, Leanne said she will too, she will be 16 in a month and has a car in Oklahoma that her Dad was going to bring here to PA in december. Jen is going to help financially, and I think we will be ok. I have alwasy been pretty lucky in the money department - but this really sickens me. If Leanne would have just accepted my relationship a month ago we wouldn't have left, and money wouldn't have even been an issue. This was a very expensive trip to PA. It will be a very expensive trip back. Oh well, it's just money and you can always make more.

OK, I won't go on any longer...I just want to say I dread telling my family, they are going to be so disappointed. Everyone was so glad we came back. On the plus side, I get my doggies back, my Jen back, and I my sister moved to Oklahoma so I will have some family there. The only trouble with that one is that I dislike her girlfriend, oh well.

I'll let you off the hook now. Wish me luck! Sandra



Sandr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 4:20pm

Wow Sandra!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 4:59pm

Wow! ((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))and go where your happiness is..
((((((((Hugs across the miles))))))))))"CAT"


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 1:20am
Well I have to say we won't be using any push pin maps to keep track of people around here,

from now on we will be switching to the pinball maps. My new invention.

Do what you want to do Sandra, be where you are happy, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, they are not living your life.

Hugs,

keep us posted,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 10:31am
Haaa... Laurie.. leave it to you!..Pushpin-to pushball maps!...

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 10:42am
I'll make so right moves towards you Lee, yes.

Hugs
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 10:54am
awwww Sandra

i sure wish you and jen and leanne all the best

i dont think what you did is so wrong

i would have probably done the same

you sound alot like me

my son is my life and i could have easily done the same

no kids shouldnt have so much pull and yah our lives are important

but i sure can see how it would cause much confusion because u do want Leanne

happy, i think you have been through alot but as you say you did learn and so did

leanne, so what ... thank God you have been blessed enough financially so that you

were able to do this, i could not lol therefore i am stuck, but hey i love the attitude

you have about the money because after all what is money when you love someone and

want to be with them .. not to mention having your precious doggies back, our pets are

our families so often too, as for the sisters girlfriend.. um yeah .. get over it

so what you will be with Jen and leanne is overjoyed... maybe in time you might find

something good about sis's girlfriend ok, ya never know


Bless You Sandra... i will be thinking of you

if you ever want to email let me know

i sure enjoyed this post

i dont care if its long ... just like Courtney's beautiful post about meeting KIM's family, which i loved reading i loved reading this .. the same ole jokes about sex don't interest me .. but real life situations do...just my thoughts my opinions here...


((((((((((Sandra))))))))))))) keep in touch and keep us all up to date...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:35am
Thanks for your support and understanding. This board must think I am absolutely crazy, and maybe I am. But do you know the feeling you get in your heart when you know something is right? Well, I have that feeling. Like I said, it's only money - you can always make more. I never cared about money the way some do. I bet once I am out of it I will value it more! LOL

My sister and her girlfriend are happy that we are coming back, they said they would do anything to help. The house my friend found us to rent is right around the block from them! Our back yards almost touch we are going to be so close. I guess my sisters girlfriend isn't so bad, after all, they met through me - she was my friend and is my daughters best friends mother.

Life is weird, and I have been living mine on the edge lately - I am enjoying the ride I guess. Once things finally calm down I will probably be bored out of my mind! Maybe being a wife to a man for 10 years suppressed me so bad I am acting out now - for whatever reason this is all happening, at least I know what might have been, I won't ever wonder.

Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:37am
Pam, Leanne said exactly what you did. She is growing up, we all are. Thanks for your kind words, I wish I could give you a big hug of thanks for your continued support during the undoubtedly craziest time of my entire life!

((((((((((((((Pam)))))))))))))))

Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:39am
Thanks Cat, hugs back at'cha!

(((Cat)))

Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:43am
Hey now, no jokes....well, ok since jokes are what you do best YOU can make jokes! I sure make and easy target. I am going to do what is best as long as I can do that. I may be unstable but I am not afraid. We are all going to be ok. I found a house yesterday, well my friends did, and as soon as I can get my things moved -we're outa here! I saw snowflakes in the air this morning, I better hurry!

Hope your bronchitis is getting better, how are you?

hugs, Sandra

Sandr

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