I hesitate to even share this info..
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| Sat, 11-06-2004 - 3:00pm |
Sandra is indecisive
Sandra is a financial moron
Sandra is way too accomodating to her daughter
Sandra is moving back to Oklahoma where she hates to live because she is all of the above.
It all began yesterday when I was taking Leanne to school. She hates her new school and we were bickering in the car about her terrible makeup job when I rear ended the car in front of me. My car is brand new, I got it new in april. I hit a blazer and basically slid under it and trashed my front end. Thankfully I didn't hurt the blazer and the kind woman I hit let me off the hook.
So....then I am driving home really upset about my car and knowing I will have to pay to have it repaired, upset because my straight A, popular, pretty, outgoing daughter is now shuffling up to the door of her new school, straight out of bed, looking like crap. I flick my cigarette out the car window and drive about 2 more blocks home. Something is hurting my back so I get up and shake my shirt and out rolls my lit cigarette. I burnt my back, my bra, my sweatshirt, my car seat. Oh joy. Then I go to the bathroom to look at my back and notice I started my period. Great. I want to go back to bed and start over but my friend calls from Oklahoma. Then another friend calls from Oklahoma. Then Jen calls from Oklahoma...
I came to the concusion that I probably should have stayed in Oklahoma. I love living here on Lake Erie, I love being with my family, I love my new house, I have spent thousands of dollars to get back here. BUT, my job I was hoping for fell through, the weather stinks, its very crowded and dirty here, and most importantly - my daughter hates her school, hasn't make a friend, sits in the school library alone at lunch everyday, and cries constantly.
OK, I know what you are thinking, adjustment takes time, she didn't give it a fair chance. She always gets her way with me, my happiness should count too. But when she is happy, I AM happy. I love her and I hate seeing her so miserable, I hate bringing her to school everyday. I even let her miss a day once because I couldn't bear to know she was alone there, lost in a sea of 1200 students. So here I go again - reacting.
I hope there isn't a limit on how much I can say here because I have more thinking out loud to do, if you are still reading this - thank you.
I told Leanne that if we go back I was going to be with Jen. I told her she needed to decide whats worse, and what is really important to her. She said the situation here is far worse than Jen and I living together. She said she would gladly and happily live in Oklahoma with me AND Jen, than to have to stay here and be away from everything and everyone she loves. THis whole experience made her realize that life wasn't as bad as she thought, she wanted me to leave Jen, and find someone else. Here I am alone, and lonely. Jen is lonely, and she sees that we love eachother - even if we aren't together physically. I guess everythign really does happen for a reason. This was a very expensive lesson.
I called Jen and my friend Tina, they have been out househunting together all day today. Everyone is so happy. Leanne is a new kid, just knowing I am going to take her home and we are going to stay together.
I have to buy my way out of the lease, and pay a moving company. This is going to cost me another small fortune, and I won't have too much left to start over again with. But, I will get a job, or two if I must, Leanne said she will too, she will be 16 in a month and has a car in Oklahoma that her Dad was going to bring here to PA in december. Jen is going to help financially, and I think we will be ok. I have alwasy been pretty lucky in the money department - but this really sickens me. If Leanne would have just accepted my relationship a month ago we wouldn't have left, and money wouldn't have even been an issue. This was a very expensive trip to PA. It will be a very expensive trip back. Oh well, it's just money and you can always make more.
OK, I won't go on any longer...I just want to say I dread telling my family, they are going to be so disappointed. Everyone was so glad we came back. On the plus side, I get my doggies back, my Jen back, and I my sister moved to Oklahoma so I will have some family there. The only trouble with that one is that I dislike her girlfriend, oh well.
I'll let you off the hook now. Wish me luck! Sandra

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>But do you know the feeling you get in your heart when you know something is right? Well, I have that feeling.
And that's what counts Sandra.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
Cyber hugs are nice too.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
I wouldn't call it unstable.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
There was a time, not so long ago, that Leanne and I were close, and happy and I can get back there. We just had a rough spell.
I look forward to the day when I can come to this board to just have light conversation, once life is settled. I try and keep up with the lighthearted posts, but I will always be grateful that I found you all at the most confusing and crazy time in my life.
Thanks for being a friend, and a great listener!
Many hugs - Sandra
Sandr
(((((((Sandra)))))))
Just keep in mind one thing.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
Sorry for making the joke but I just could not help myself. I do believe it is easier to laugh than to let everything get me down.
Plus I do believe you are doing the right thing, did you read past my joke?
I do comedy about real life situations, maybe it is just to easy.
I am happy that you are moving back and that you can be with Jen and Leane can be with her friends for highschool and graduation.
Yes, it is an expensive lesson, but who doesn't have an expensive lesson sometime in their lives? (I have had my share which is probably why I can find the humor in it.)
You know I was just trying to make you smile instead of feeling down about it though right? I hope you believe me when I say it was not mean spirited. And yes it is what I do and have done for ever. But it doesn't always make it right. I am sorry if I upset you in anyway. It is hard to know for sure when not in person.
Hugs and I hope things are going well. I hope you get out of there before any major snow hits. Good luck with your move.
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Sandr
I know Leanne will grow up and go to college soon, and I am glad then when she has time off from her busy schedule she will not have to choose between her parents and the states they live in - we will be in the same town. The town she calls home. I don't want to be old and alone, and shoveling snow! Oklahoma here I come!
Hugs, and thanks -Sandra
Sandr
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