Lesbian relationship libido conflicts...
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Lesbian relationship libido conflicts...
| Mon, 11-08-2004 - 3:26pm |
The delema- Many lesbian relationships involve plenty of lovemaking in the begining.
After a few years the lovemaking sessions become few and far between in many lesbian relationships. (For example- Mine)
I have gone through many emotions and thoughts such as, what is wrong with me, us?
She is no longer attracted to me, she loves me, but is not in love with me.
G/f says she can't believe I would question her love for me. She says she is more in love with me all the time. She says she is in love with me, but she just has a very low to no libido. We even went to the Dr. to see if she could help. The answer, a perscription for Wellbutrin. Which after several months may be showing some change.
The situation is this, she is happy not having sex/makinglove, and I am not! I have been called a sex addict which I am not sure of that.
We have been together for 7 1/2 years and I have a hard time thinking I might only have sex either never again or very few times. Yes a person could take matters in to their own hands, and I have been busted a few times, but it is not the same.
I have had other women tell me they would be my sex partner, but of course that is not an option if I want to stay in this relationship.
How do others deal with this??
Is it fair for one person in a relationship to expect the other to never have sex?
How do you over come the need for a sexual relationship and feel okay being in a sexless relationship. I am talking we have sometimes gone a year or more without.
I feel like she is not in love with me, but I do not think she would be here if she wasn't.
No she is not cheating and never has. All her time is spent with me or accounted for.
She shows me and tells me in many ways that she loves me and is in love with me.
She loves to kiss and cuddle and plenty of hand holding in the car etc.
She talks about our future and has designed matching rings that she wants us to have made when we can afford them. They will be very expensive.
She tells me that she cannot imagine having anyone else in her life.
So can someone please help me with how to deal with this?
Thanks and hugs,
After a few years the lovemaking sessions become few and far between in many lesbian relationships. (For example- Mine)
I have gone through many emotions and thoughts such as, what is wrong with me, us?
She is no longer attracted to me, she loves me, but is not in love with me.
G/f says she can't believe I would question her love for me. She says she is more in love with me all the time. She says she is in love with me, but she just has a very low to no libido. We even went to the Dr. to see if she could help. The answer, a perscription for Wellbutrin. Which after several months may be showing some change.
The situation is this, she is happy not having sex/makinglove, and I am not! I have been called a sex addict which I am not sure of that.
We have been together for 7 1/2 years and I have a hard time thinking I might only have sex either never again or very few times. Yes a person could take matters in to their own hands, and I have been busted a few times, but it is not the same.
I have had other women tell me they would be my sex partner, but of course that is not an option if I want to stay in this relationship.
How do others deal with this??
Is it fair for one person in a relationship to expect the other to never have sex?
How do you over come the need for a sexual relationship and feel okay being in a sexless relationship. I am talking we have sometimes gone a year or more without.
I feel like she is not in love with me, but I do not think she would be here if she wasn't.
No she is not cheating and never has. All her time is spent with me or accounted for.
She shows me and tells me in many ways that she loves me and is in love with me.
She loves to kiss and cuddle and plenty of hand holding in the car etc.
She talks about our future and has designed matching rings that she wants us to have made when we can afford them. They will be very expensive.
She tells me that she cannot imagine having anyone else in her life.
So can someone please help me with how to deal with this?
Thanks and hugs,

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That's quite the conundrum Laurie.
Kim
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You are not alone. I think this is a common problem. No, I am sure it is. I don't have a solution for you, wish I did. I have been there, always the one who wasn't as interested -maybe it has something to do with my personality. I can tell you from experience that lack of interest in sex is not a reflection of the love I feel for a person. I simply don't require much.
Hugs, Sandra
Sandr
I'd like to reply to this if I'm not going to be ignored. Thanks. The only thing I can offer is my experience.
In my past relationships, I've never really experienced not having sex, making love or being intimate with my lover. There may have been many nights of just holding, or talking with each other about our day, or one or the both of us are really tired, (with me I have to be bone tired, or Auntie Flo has to be around)or we really do have headaches or we have something going on with our bodies that we're not able to perform with each other.
My last long term relationship had some pot holes and we had to break up over a period of time, which of course, I found out, usually from my partner at the time, had cheated on me. Now, I couldn't "touch" her because the boundary that I thought was there was gone. But after long conversations, and many arguments, we settled down and rebound one to the other.
Long story short, my next relationship (no, I don't give up too easily), it will be based on honest communications, and understanding about how much physcial bonding can take place, and how often. I feel if the mental, spiritual, intelletual, and emotion bonds are met, then physical shouldn't be too hard to met either.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
In answer to your post, this is the first time that I have been in a sex lacking relationship and it has caused me to wonder if there is/was/has been someone else. She swears there could never be anyone else and I cannot think of a time when she could spend time with someone to cheat. She would have to be really good. She is always present an accounted for. In fact she is always calling to see where I am and to say she misses me and loves me etc. In fact she just called to let me know she is on her way home. She always does that and the caller ID always shows her work number.
This seems to be the only problem we have had but it creeps up on me and makes me question her feelings for me.
I know I am no head turner, but I don't think I am that awfull looking. We have alot of intimacy but it just doesn't lead to sex.
We both pull our weight financially so that cannot be it. I have only recently been put on disability but it is a pretty good monthly amount. She requests that I do not go back on the road doing comedy because she wants me to be home with her every night.
That night you Lee and I chatted into the wee hours of the night, Lee said some things that made me think about how to figure out how to be happy without the sex. I have been thinking about some of the things we all talked about, But I just can't be happy giving up my sex life. I don't think. Maybe eventually one of us will change. I don't know.
I guess I am just rambling now because I just don't know what to think anymore.
Hugs,
and thank you for your post. I sure don't mean to ignore you, I guess sometimes I figure I can IM with you about things. Sorry if I have ignored your posts.
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Laurie,
What came to my mind when reading this thread was the fact that you have been together for over 7 years. Is this a recent issue?
*hugs ~ Caly
I do not lose control of my emotions or throw fits or anything like that and I never go off my meds. If she thinks I am having problems she brings it up we talk about it and I talk to my counselor about it then tell Sheila what we decided. We are very open with each other and feel very comfortable communicating everything with each other. We don ever raise our voices or talk down to each other. We always show each other respect. I don't sit around complaining all the time but I can tell her if I feel down or what ever. She tells me all the good and bad emotions etc, she is going through too. We are very supportive of each other. We truly are best friends.
I always find little love notes to me around the house where she knows I will find them.
She knows that I posted this post and we will both be reading the answers and discuss them.
We always discuss things before making decisions to make sure the other is okay with it.
But, what you have said about you and your EX has made me think.
I also have put on some weight since we got together but have been losing it to be healthy.
I posted this because of your and Pams posts in the other thread.
I cleared it with Sheila and we thought it would be interesting to read all the feed back and discuss it.
Thank you for posting,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
It is okay not to have answers but I do thank you for sharing your side of things, Sheila was agreeing with you.
But in the beginning we both swore it would never end. lol.
Thank you for sharing you side of things.
Hugs,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Laurie, you don't ignore my posts, it's just that when I try to share my input on other issues, and I don't get a reponse, I just get a little upset. not just yours, That's all.
>>>>I know I'm no head turner, but I don't think that I'm all that awful looking<<<<. Well, just by looking at your picture on this website, yes, you are, In fact, your a babe.
(wink). >>> The night that you Lee and I chatted into the wee hours of the night, Lee said some things that made me think about how to figure out how to be happy without sex. I have been thinking about, but I just can't be happy giving up my sex life. Maybe one of us will change eventually<<<<.
Yeah, I can remember our conversation clearly. I gave the example of the triangle. Right now the physical side of my triangle (whole being) is unbalanced, and that's really not my fault, nor is it a choice. But that's my reality right now. Like you said darlin' maybe one of you will change eventually. I've never really based any of my relationships on sex alone, it just happens that the physical attraction is there, sometimes it happens by mutual need or by circumstance, or by other means. But eventually it happens, at least for me it does. In my relationships I never stepped out of them, I was the one that was always being accused, and I knew that I was too busy working doing security work, to be fooling around. At night when I came home, I was too tired from sitting for 12 hours or from taking care of an emergency that happened on the job. I was never the type to pick up the phone, just to let my lover know that I was thinking about her (maybe that was my fault), but I couldn't at the time. She never understood that, thus our arguments.
so, hold on Laurie, things will develop like you said >>>Maybe one of us will change eventually>>>>.
Many hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
I never really could believe that she could be cheating on me because she is always with me when she is not at work.
I think it was not your fault to not be able to call your girlfriends, it just depends on the job.
It is nice to know you think I am a babe, that made my day I must say.
Sheila does say she is tired from work and I know her jobs is stressfull, I used to work there and I would not want her job.
Tonight she said she has just been tired and to lazy to be romantic and that we will find ways to be more romantic. We were talking about this thread.
I think your example of the triangle is fitting for both Sheila and I right now. Her dealing with a stressfull job that past couple of years and each year moving to the newest store that the company opens and training new people all over again, and me dealing with health issues.
Hugs,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Please don't put that kind of pressure on yourself Laurie.
Kim
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