Lesbian relationship libido conflicts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Lesbian relationship libido conflicts...
31
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 3:26pm
The delema- Many lesbian relationships involve plenty of lovemaking in the begining.

After a few years the lovemaking sessions become few and far between in many lesbian relationships. (For example- Mine)

I have gone through many emotions and thoughts such as, what is wrong with me, us?

She is no longer attracted to me, she loves me, but is not in love with me.

G/f says she can't believe I would question her love for me. She says she is more in love with me all the time. She says she is in love with me, but she just has a very low to no libido. We even went to the Dr. to see if she could help. The answer, a perscription for Wellbutrin. Which after several months may be showing some change.

The situation is this, she is happy not having sex/makinglove, and I am not! I have been called a sex addict which I am not sure of that.

We have been together for 7 1/2 years and I have a hard time thinking I might only have sex either never again or very few times. Yes a person could take matters in to their own hands, and I have been busted a few times, but it is not the same.

I have had other women tell me they would be my sex partner, but of course that is not an option if I want to stay in this relationship.

How do others deal with this??

Is it fair for one person in a relationship to expect the other to never have sex?

How do you over come the need for a sexual relationship and feel okay being in a sexless relationship. I am talking we have sometimes gone a year or more without.

I feel like she is not in love with me, but I do not think she would be here if she wasn't.

No she is not cheating and never has. All her time is spent with me or accounted for.

She shows me and tells me in many ways that she loves me and is in love with me.

She loves to kiss and cuddle and plenty of hand holding in the car etc.

She talks about our future and has designed matching rings that she wants us to have made when we can afford them. They will be very expensive.

She tells me that she cannot imagine having anyone else in her life.

So can someone please help me with how to deal with this?

Thanks and hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 8:39pm
Hi Caly,

Thank you for replying to my post.

This is an issue that has slowly degraded over the years down to almost nothing.

I do have to admit that we have had our share of stressors especially in the last 3 years.

I have told her to tell me if there is someone else that she is thinking about. She knows she can be honest with me. She swears she has know room in her heart to think of anyone else but I do have to think realistically.

I would find it very hard to believe she would be cheating. There just is no time for her to have someone else in her life because she is always with me when she is not working.

She always say's how she can't wait to get home.

I am not the type to be jealous of her having friends but she chooses to always do things as a couple. We really do enjoy each other's company.

My therapist has offered to see both of us as a couples' counseling so we might do that.

Maybe I should quit lurking on the sex and fantasy boards lol.

Thanks again for sharing. We are going to read and talk about these later.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:00pm
Thanks Kim,

We do enjoy each other and being in each other's company. We also have very good communication as well. So it is not like your ex.

Sheila said she will ask the Dr. about Lexapro.

I am on Paxil, Clonazapam, Seraquil, and not one change in my libido. In fact I was warned that it may cause a decrease in libido which I thought would be okay and even helpful. But no change has ever occured for me. lol.

I told Pam in a post awhile back that in my single days my fantasy was to be a lesbian gigolo. My friend Art say's that if he was a woman he would be a prostitute. Haaa.

Of course then we started thinking how devastating it would be to fail as a prostitute.

Oh well I have digressed.

Thank you for posting,

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:13pm
Laurie, the weight thing you mentioned - some girls like chubby girls. I do! Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:14pm
I swore I would never do alot of things, it is not something I can't control. I wish I craved sex like some women do, I just don't. It makes me feel guilty sometimes, but no sex is better than faking it - right?

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 10:21pm
Haaaa, I like all sizes shapes and colors. The thing is I look exactly like my photo on the LL web page except that I don't always brush my hair behind my ears because it is short enough to kind of feather over my ears if I want to. But that is my new comedy photo and a bit heavier than I was when we met.

When we met I was into bicycling all the time so I was looking much better.

I honestly have been with women of all sizes.

We both are usually very consious of our appearances but not so much that we are shallow about it.

She say's she want me to lose weight but that it is not a problem for her.

I hope you are having a nice evening. I bet Jen is excited!

Hugs,

Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 10:34pm

(((((Laurie)))))


Kim said some very deep and very true things about sex in a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 10:53pm
Laurie. ...You know I care.. I just can't comment on this post ,at this time.. I am just not finding the words as yet as at times I get like that.. I still stand by what I did say in Chat that with you and gigi..
Perhaps I will come back to this post.. Why I get like this I can't say, just do.. I do care though you know that.. Tell Shelia Hi and ((((Hugs to ya Both)))))Lee

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 11:04pm
(((Lee)))

It is okay not to have anything to say. I know you care and you said plenty of good things that night in our chat. I have still been thinking about everything you and gigi said.

Don't feel like you have to post or say anything. It's ok.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 11:21pm

(((((((((((((( (((((((((((((( Hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 11:52pm
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html