Lesbian relationship libido conflicts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Lesbian relationship libido conflicts...
31
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 3:26pm
The delema- Many lesbian relationships involve plenty of lovemaking in the begining.

After a few years the lovemaking sessions become few and far between in many lesbian relationships. (For example- Mine)

I have gone through many emotions and thoughts such as, what is wrong with me, us?

She is no longer attracted to me, she loves me, but is not in love with me.

G/f says she can't believe I would question her love for me. She says she is more in love with me all the time. She says she is in love with me, but she just has a very low to no libido. We even went to the Dr. to see if she could help. The answer, a perscription for Wellbutrin. Which after several months may be showing some change.

The situation is this, she is happy not having sex/makinglove, and I am not! I have been called a sex addict which I am not sure of that.

We have been together for 7 1/2 years and I have a hard time thinking I might only have sex either never again or very few times. Yes a person could take matters in to their own hands, and I have been busted a few times, but it is not the same.

I have had other women tell me they would be my sex partner, but of course that is not an option if I want to stay in this relationship.

How do others deal with this??

Is it fair for one person in a relationship to expect the other to never have sex?

How do you over come the need for a sexual relationship and feel okay being in a sexless relationship. I am talking we have sometimes gone a year or more without.

I feel like she is not in love with me, but I do not think she would be here if she wasn't.

No she is not cheating and never has. All her time is spent with me or accounted for.

She shows me and tells me in many ways that she loves me and is in love with me.

She loves to kiss and cuddle and plenty of hand holding in the car etc.

She talks about our future and has designed matching rings that she wants us to have made when we can afford them. They will be very expensive.

She tells me that she cannot imagine having anyone else in her life.

So can someone please help me with how to deal with this?

Thanks and hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:01am
MMMMMMMWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:11am
Jen and I are both very excited, Leanne is too. They spoke on the phone about 20 minutes tonight and had a nice conversation. I wish I could get there faster, my brother is driving the truck so I don't have to pay a national moving company. He can't go for at least 10 days....Leanne and I are packing already. Jen found us a great house, it sounds like. I called the landlord last night and we worked everything out - he is putting in all new carpet on wednesday, I guess the house needs painted (inside, it's brick outside), but I offered to do that when I got there. Leanne and I love to paint, and we use color - I am so ready to make it my home! Here, all white walls, and I am not allowed to alter anything. The house in Oklahoma is cheaper than what I pay here in PA, and its a whole house with a yard, here I have a townhouse - and they mow, and I can't plant. I can't wait to plant and mow, I love working in the yard. I can list 10 more reasons why I am so excited, but I won't bore you with the details. Hugs and happiness - Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:34am
Your not boring me with the reasons.. I think it's cool!..
I can hear the excitment in your post..
((((((((Hugs))))))))"CAT"

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 1:02am
If it's yard work you like , what are you doing Wednesday? We'll be cleaning and bagging Lots and lots of leaves. You can help all you want. I like yard work to and planting and mowing. It just feels good.

You would not be boring me at all. I enjoy hearing about things and like Lee/Cat said I can hear the excitement in your post.

I like paint colors too, all white feels kind of institutional to me.

Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 1:07am
((Lee)) I want to have those smilies. They don't work with the MAC.

Thanks for the kisses back.

Laurie
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 8:24am
Thanks Cat! I can't get wait to get there! Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 8:28am
Laurie, I always thought yardwork was very therapeutic. I can't wait to have a yard again. At this house in PA, they maintain the yard, and it would never seem like "my" home. I can't personalize anything. White does seem institutional, it can be clean looking, but for the most part, I like a little color. I would love to come rake and bag leaves with you! Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:19am

And she must agree to enter into this sexual play
with an open and willing heart.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:53am

>There are those times when I know that getting aroused and reaching orgasm are not going to come easily for me, if at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:57am

((((((((((((Laurie)))))))))))


The words "delicate balancing act" come to mind when I think about this, and I'm sorry it is an issue in your relationship. IMO certain factors need to be present in a healthy sexual relationship, among these compatibility, intimacy, desire, willingness to explore and take things to different levels, constant communication, etc. Partners need to be able to say to each other "I just want to cuddle tonight" or "I'm rarin' to go" and have those wishes fulfilled. If one person always wants one or the other, however, then the other partner's needs inevitably are not going to be met. It's a give and take thing just like anything else in a relationship, and I think communication is key to maintaining that "delicate balancing act".


Well, I don't think I've added anything here to what has already been said, but just wanted to throw in my support for what the others have said. I do think couples counseling would be good to try also.


Good luck and hugs to you...

Ting

Ting