Kim and I thought this was pretty cool..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Kim and I thought this was pretty cool..
2
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 8:33pm

This article appeared in our local paper yesterday. The church they were married in is the church that we have been attending and the minister who married him is who Kim had the great emails with last week.


A personal issue

Elizabeth Kelly

Lynchburg News & Advance

Saturday, November 13, 2004


Since Massachusetts’ highest court cleared a legal path for same-sex couples to marry last February, gay marriage has become a political flash point. Many contend that ballot measures to ban same-sex marriage - which emerged victorious in all 11 states where they were proposed - were the key factor in voter turnout and the re-election of President Bush.



For a local couple and the minister who married them in September, however, gay marriage is a matter of personal rather than political consequence. Yet for them, as it is for those who might oppose their actions, the question is one of “moral values.”

The two 20something women, who asked not to be identified to avoid repercussions, began dating more than four years ago after meeting at a local restaurant. One grew up in Lynchburg, attending an evangelical church. The other, who was raised in the Northeast but has family who live locally, said hers was a spiritual if not church-going household. In recent years both began attending Lynchburg’s First Unitarian Church, and eventually became members.

When they decided to marry, the couple approached the Rev. Dick Weston-Jones, a semi-retired minister who lives in Chapel Hill, N.C., while serving the First Unitarian congregation part time. He counseled them as he would any couple, he said.

“I challenged them. When a couple comes to me wanting to be married, whether they are heterosexual or homosexual, I always ask why they want to be married,” he said. “I talked to them and I felt very good about their commitment and their reason to be together … and felt that we could certainly support that.”

Weston-Jones has conducted same-sex marriages - often called holy union ceremonies -since the early 1970s. In explanation, he cites the Unitarian Universalists’ statement of principles and purpose.

“It says that we believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person, with no footnotes,” he said. “I’m not gay myself, but that doesn’t have anything to do with it. I’m not a lot of things I have to do as a professional clergy person.”

In large part because of that philosophy, Unitarian Universalists have become the nation’s most prominent religious supporters of such unions. In fact, four of the seven couples who sued for the right to marry in Massachusetts came out of the Unitarian Universalist faith.

Less than 40 years ago, however, most Unitarian Universalists’ attitude toward same-sex marriage reflected that held by religious conservatives today. Weston-Jones said that a 1967 survey of members of the Unitarian Universalist “movement” showed that almost 90 percent believed homosexuality should be discouraged, either by law or by education. Just two years later the movement passed a resolution calling for the end of discrimination against homosexuals and bisexuals generally.

Affirmative action to help place gay ministers in “welcoming” congregations followed, as did various training programs.

Weston-Jones said he believes the ongoing struggle for equality among gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people will follow a path similar to the one followed by blacks through the civil rights movement.

“There is no difference between those two issues because what we are talking about is human beings, who are as they are, having a right to live their lives in peace and dignity without being controlled by some other people who, by their own creation, are different. That’s the whole issue,” he said.

He predicts that in time broad opposition to same-sex unions will fade, much as it did for inter-racial couples. The intense resistance now is a “death rattle,” he said.

“It’s a fight to keep the world the same way,” he said. “This is just one more step in this until we learn that we must respect people by their behavior which, if it is responsible and caring and private, is people’s own business.”

Weston-Jones said most in his congregation supported the recent marriage, and more than 100 of the couple’s family members, friends and co-workers attended the wedding.

The laws of Virginia do not recognize the marriage, in accordance with House Bill 751, passed in April, which states, “a civil union, partnership contract or other arrangement between person of the same sex purporting to bestow the privileges or obligations of marriage is prohibited.” Nor would any number of religious leaders nationwide who say that the Bible defines marriage as a bond solely between a man and a woman.

Weston-Jones said he believes laws like 751 will ultimately be found unconstitutional. He challenges the biblical interpretation as well.

“I don’t agree that there is any clarity in the Bible on this. You can take things from the Bible that prove virtually any position you want to. So I am not convinced that that is meaningful,” he said. “Unfortunately, a lot of Americans believe in the dignity and worth of all people more if they are like themselves than if they are not.”

Unlike many same-sex couples in Massachusetts and San Francisco, who knew the press would want to cover their historic unions, the Lynchburg women chose to keep their wedding a private affair. But one, who toyed with the idea of sending a wedding photo to The News & Advance, said she wants people to know they are just like anyone else.

“We got married for the same reasons people are supposed to marry, in front of people we love and care about and who have supported us in the past,” she said. “We are so normal it’s disgusting.”

Not so in the eyes of the law. For example, though the two women own a house together and have a joint checking account, they have not been able to obtain a multi-car discount on their car insurance, a discount normally available to couples sharing a residence. Their plans to have a child are tempered with concerns over how to secure parental rights for the non-birth mother and workplace benefits such as family medical leave. Same-sex couples can also have difficulty with things like hospital visitation rights or access to shared assets if one of them dies.

The couple said they intend to consult with a lawyer to draw up some sort of formal agreement between them that will, in effect, put their marital commitments “on paper.” But they say nothing can stop them from being “spiritually committed” to each other.

The women say that their family members, all of whom attended the wedding, are supportive but still learning to accept their relationship. And they know that many in the greater Lynchburg community oppose their union. First Unitarian Church has been a place where they both feel accepted.

“There, any belief, as long as it is not hurting anyone, is respected,” one of the women said. “We can hold hands there. It is the only public place in Lynchburg we can do that.”

• Contact Elizabeth Kelly at ekelly@newsadvance.com or (434) 385-5524.


This story can be found at: http://www.newsadvance.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=LNA%2FMGArticle%2FLNA_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1031779125193&path=!news!archive


~C

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 12:44am
Thank you Courtney, for sharing that. >>>>>The couple said they intend to consult a lawyer draw up some sort of formal agreement between them that will, in effect, put their marital committments "on paper". But they say nothing can stop them from being "spiritually committed" to each other. <<<<<<<

Well, I agree with this paragraph, 100%. If I have to get married in the Unitarian Church, then I will. I'll just invite all of my friends, here in this community and IRL.

And that's a solemn promise.

Hugs.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 7:31am

I'm glad you liked it Gigi, I thought it was fascinating. I think getting married in the Unitarian Church is a great idea. I have been so pleased with our experiences here.


Hugs!


~C