A letter to LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
A letter to LL
20
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:30pm
Dear LL,

I don't know how much longer I'll be postin on this wonderful board once this is all said and done. I guess it depends on how I am percieved among this community......I dunno. Anyway, here's the jest of it;

This morning I was at my bankruptcy hearing (which went flawless btw, I am now oficially debt free). I asked my attorney if he handles child custody issues, which he does. Most of you know the long, sordid story behind my situation with "sweetfeets". For those of you who don't, it's a long, sordid story.

Anyway, after my attorney asked me all kinds of questions as to why I don't have custody, ie., do I have a history of violence, drug abuse, alcoholism, promiscuity, child abuse, etc., and I answered "no" to all of the above, he's like "so, what's the deal?" I had to come out to him about my sexuality and psycological background. Still, he shrugged his shoulders and said "so, what's the deal?" Apparently he believes that he can get my custody case turned around. My only disadvantages are the county it will be tried in (Fort Bend instead of Harris for those familiar with the Houston area) and the retainer fee. I cannot come up with the retainer fee for at least a year.

Meanwhile, I have not seen my son since before I left for my trip to Lynchburg a month ago. This is weighing heavy on my heart, and I have been going into manic episodes because of it. Just the other night at WalMart, getting my anti-depressants refilled, I found myself wishing I could crawl into a corner and cry. I cannot go another year without seeing my son, not without losing all sanity I have left within myself. Many of my friends have asked why I can't go another year. Well....they all either have custody of thier kids or don't have kids at all. They don't know the pain I'm going through right now, and hopefully they never will.

As I said, I cannot go another year of not knowing when and if I'll see sweetfeets again. My ex (sweetfeet's dad) has made it clear that he will allow me to see him only if I admit to his family and friends that I am not a lesbian, I must identify as bisexual and most of all "work things out" with him. I am so depressed and distraught at this point that I am ready to do anything to see my son again. Noone understands that so far. My own mother went to bed crying tonight when I told her what I was thinking...I have never felt lower in my entire life, letting myself get to this point, hurting so many people, realizing what I'm about to sink myself to.....I try and think of what I would say to another lesbian if she were going through this, but I have no words. I'm lost. (I'm crying as I type this post)

Anyway, I don't know what y'all are thinking of me right now (don't know if I want to know really), but I had to put it out there. Some of you have been there for me in my darker hours, and I want to say thank you from the bottum of my heart.

<IMG SRC="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v243/neryp/lesbboard.jpg" WIDTH=165 HEIGHT=143 BORDER=0 ALT="" USEMAP="#lesbboard_Map">
<MAP NAME="lesbboard_

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sadie_mc
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:50pm

Beth,

I have always been there for you, you know that. If it seems like I don't understand you, I do. I've never "said" to you that you couldn't email me, or Im me, I even think I gave you my phone number at one point. I ears are always "open" to "listen". I really didn't know what was wrong, but I had a feeling something was.

I've always considered you to be a friend, but I can't "make" you talk to me. I really do know how to "listen" and take things seriously. And no, I don't have any children, but that doesn't stop me from caring about you. Please, get some help for yourself, besides legal. Everything will be alright, trust me. Your lawyer will take care of everything since he seems to be open-minded. Honey, hang on. Please.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: sadie_mc
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:05pm
(((((Beth)))))

Do what you feel in your heart.

No one would blame you for doing what you need to do to be with your son.

Have you decided to go back to your ex? I would never hold that against you. I am sorry that you have to be in such a situation. I don't know why anyone would feel ok making someone be with them like your husband is doing to you.

I hope things work out in your best interest and sweetfeets.

I am sad to hear that Ex has put you in this place.

You are always accepted here, you know that.

You have my e-mail too if you feel like using it.

I am sending you a big hug.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: sadie_mc
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:07pm

((((((Sadie))))) I do not... and I know from these ladies out here from the way their hearts are..... I and them.... do not.... would not.... think bad of you..
What is there about this situation or what you have written in this post to not like you for Hon?.. You possibly are just feeling so low your mind, is messing with you on this part..
I as you know from the many times I have posted and talked with you am very much in feeling the pain you are experiencing now and the thoughts you are thinking..
I do most all I can (playing ex) to get


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sadie_mc
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:10pm
Sadie,

Please, Please pull yourself together. Think of your well being. You will not be there for Sweetfeets if you are not strong. IMO, you sound like u have a good lawyer, please proceed and be proud of what you are and believe in. There is nothing wrong with the way u are, live and think. If u think u have a good lawyer then go for it. I know it is heartwrenching. It always is but you need to be tough and true to your beliefs. Honesty will win the case. Talk to your lawyer, feed from his positive attitude on his belief of winning, ask him questions that are bothering u. U are paying him, use your lawyer to the fullest. Good luck and please keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sadie_mc
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:20pm

{{{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}}}


Whatever you have to do to keep a relationship with your son you will do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: sadie_mc
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 12:30am
Sadie,

I understand that if you can't pay the attorney then you can't pay the attorney, that is simple enough. I have a child so I also understand that as mothers we do whatever it takes to be with our children. What I don't understand is why you would ever leave here? We are all your friends and even if you go back to your ex to be with your son - you are still a lesbian, and more importantly, still loved here. With that said now my evil side is going to talk...

If you are going to get back with him to be with your son, that can work to your advantage if you can really do it. I don't know your whole story but it sounds like you are getting a second chance to do things over again. Learn from the past mistakes, and take advantage of the opportunity. "Play" the happy couple to be with your son, plan and plot your next move from there. You know who you are on the inside, but you may have to be someone else, outwardly, to get the job done. You may be "selling out" but it will be for a very good reason. Do what it takes, and keep in touch with us through the board. If you need a partner in crime, I'm your girl. You can email me at imnlove22@yahoo.com, I'll be back in a week!

Big hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
In reply to: sadie_mc
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 8:10am
I can understand that you gave up custody, Beth... but doesn't Texas give you visitation rights? I don't get how a man can keep you from visiting your child. Courts usually bend over backwards to keep a mother/child relationship together in some capacity.

Why don't you have court ordered visitation rights?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
In reply to: sadie_mc
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 8:38am
Some more...

Beth, be careful about making a "desperate" decision. I know it sounds like a fix, but it's a short-term fix most likely. It's not something that is going to provide you and your son happiness. You need to think of a long-term fix. Quite frankly, the resentment and contentiousness that will be present in a renewed relationship with your ex, is not going to be good for your son. Think of him.

Please explore alternatives fully before you do something like this. How about living with mom or a friend and using your rent money for an attorney? Are visitation rights an option? I'm sure others may offer you some advice. Ask. There's Web sites with low-cost help (nolo.com, I think).

Also, just because an attorney is good with bankruptcies, doesn't mean he's good at custody cases. Be careful.

And... play your ex's game. Tell him for you to even to consider "working things out" he needs to show he has some compassion, and let you see your son. If he doesn't, good god, don't go back to a man like that.

Beth... Slow down... think of all your options and the long-term consequences of each. It's not that we won't respect you, or your choice, but I think we would all feel better about it, if we know that other options were explored.

Wish we could be more helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
In reply to: sadie_mc
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 9:30am

Hi Sadie,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sadie_mc
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 9:33am

(((((((Lori))))))))


That was just a wonderful, wonderful post.


Hugs!


Pages