My life is one long road so far.....
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| Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:33pm |
And sometimes I turn into my own worst enemy. I have not made any decisions at this point, but I am going into "survival mode" (also known to my pdocs as my manic episodes). A decade ago I was dancing topless for men to feed myself and stay off the streets - back when things were not so great between myself and my parents. I did what I had to do, and if I should decide to go back to my ex, I will see it the same way I saw those days - just doing what I feel I have to do.
A bit more insight on the dilema I'm in; almost 6 months ago, I signed over custody of my son to his father b/c I was going through a severe depression and financial problems. My ex took advantage of the situation and has since used my son "sweetfeets" as leverage to bring me out of a lifestyle that he believes is sick, sinful, and unnatural. I had no idea his dad would pull the things he has pulled, I was just looking out for sweetfeets' well being, honestly thinking that during that time he would be better off with his father who was more stable emotionally and financially. Since then, he has gone back to court and retained full custody and court-ordered child support payments, and the influence his family has in the county they live in made it possible for him to "decide" when I do or don't get to see sweetfeets. This lead to more depression and trips to the pdoc, eventually I'll be back to my old self (maybe someday). I could go on all night about everything that has happened, but I don't want to take up too much space here. It is going to be a long, hard battle getting my son back, but I won't give up and as I've said, I'll do anything it takes.
Sandra, yes I can always use a partner in crime. Email me when you get settled Emarie74@aol.com. Soozi, I sent you my email address this morning (although I just listed it in this post in case you didn't get my email). Thankyou buterfli, jaydi, Lori, and nony for your priceless advice, all of your words made so much sence and I am grateful for it. And Gigi, Laurie, cats, Pam, Kimmie, Court, Johanna, Nelle, and Tracy thank you soooooo much for the support and the kind words. I can't begin to express my gratitude to each and every one of you. I apologize for shortchanging your characters, thinking I would no longer be accepted here for what I'm thinking of doing. Thankou Caly for the Wednesday wish, that was too sweet!
Just to clarify (as if I need clarifying but here goes), I am a lesbian, you are my "family", nothing will change who I am inside. My road is far from over, but I am thankful to know that I have the best friends (and family) here and IRL to help me along the way.
xoxoxoxoxo.
~~beth

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C >^. A .
{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}
You have always been special to me.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
Awwwwwww, Beth
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
You are always in my prayers, and thoughts, love.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
(((((((Mandi)))))))
I would be frightened to to let a kindergartner go off for a week with a father who hasn't proven to be very responsible or considerate of his child.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
(((((((((((Beth))))))))))) We will be standing behind and supporting you through the good and the bad, no matter what you decide to do. You are always welcome here, you most definitely belong.
Hugs!
~C
Thanks y'all. Still very indecisive at this point.....I think I have my mind up one moment, then it changes the next.....*sigh*
Other than my relatives, I've only told three other ppl so far (I told them the other night when I posted my original message). Well, news travels fast in our community. I've been getting calls from EVERYONE, friends, exes, ppl I haven't talked to in years, etc. I'm getting support as well as negativity regarding this issue.
The main thing that sticks in my mind is something I've been hearing from just about everyone - that should I decide to go back to the ex, it won't last more than a month. (I guess some ppl know me a little too well), and the main concern there is how would it affect sweetfeets to have me back in his life for just a little while and then lose me again until I can get a judgement made in my favor? (I am posting this at work so I'm typing fast so excuse any misspellings). Would it be better to take mom up on the offer to stay with her rent free for 6 months, work 2 jobs and stash away a "legal nest egg"?
What to do what to do what to do? Sorry y'all, I hope I'm not wearing out the welcome here. I just wish I had that million dollars right about now.....
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Beth, I'm rolling out the red carpet for you.... the best thing about this carpet? It doesn't wear out..... You have a family here, too!
Possessive Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
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