My life is one long road so far.....
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:33pm |
And sometimes I turn into my own worst enemy. I have not made any decisions at this point, but I am going into "survival mode" (also known to my pdocs as my manic episodes). A decade ago I was dancing topless for men to feed myself and stay off the streets - back when things were not so great between myself and my parents. I did what I had to do, and if I should decide to go back to my ex, I will see it the same way I saw those days - just doing what I feel I have to do.
A bit more insight on the dilema I'm in; almost 6 months ago, I signed over custody of my son to his father b/c I was going through a severe depression and financial problems. My ex took advantage of the situation and has since used my son "sweetfeets" as leverage to bring me out of a lifestyle that he believes is sick, sinful, and unnatural. I had no idea his dad would pull the things he has pulled, I was just looking out for sweetfeets' well being, honestly thinking that during that time he would be better off with his father who was more stable emotionally and financially. Since then, he has gone back to court and retained full custody and court-ordered child support payments, and the influence his family has in the county they live in made it possible for him to "decide" when I do or don't get to see sweetfeets. This lead to more depression and trips to the pdoc, eventually I'll be back to my old self (maybe someday). I could go on all night about everything that has happened, but I don't want to take up too much space here. It is going to be a long, hard battle getting my son back, but I won't give up and as I've said, I'll do anything it takes.
Sandra, yes I can always use a partner in crime. Email me when you get settled Emarie74@aol.com. Soozi, I sent you my email address this morning (although I just listed it in this post in case you didn't get my email). Thankyou buterfli, jaydi, Lori, and nony for your priceless advice, all of your words made so much sence and I am grateful for it. And Gigi, Laurie, cats, Pam, Kimmie, Court, Johanna, Nelle, and Tracy thank you soooooo much for the support and the kind words. I can't begin to express my gratitude to each and every one of you. I apologize for shortchanging your characters, thinking I would no longer be accepted here for what I'm thinking of doing. Thankou Caly for the Wednesday wish, that was too sweet!
Just to clarify (as if I need clarifying but here goes), I am a lesbian, you are my "family", nothing will change who I am inside. My road is far from over, but I am thankful to know that I have the best friends (and family) here and IRL to help me along the way.
xoxoxoxoxo.
~~beth

Pages
{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
I have no idea what it would be like to have a child taken from his or her mother.
They say that it is the worst thing that can happen.
To many of the women on this board are going through this same thing or something similar.
This is one of those situations where no one but you can decide what to do.
No one can judge you because each life is different.
I don't want to say the wrong thing, but if he is okay with his Dad at least you know he is safe.
You are keeping a diary for him if I remember correctly. You can show him this one day. Until some sort of action is taken you can write everything, all your feelings about him and being seperated from him in the diary. He can read it when he is older, and wants to understand.
You are the only one who has to live with your decision Beth I will respect you no matter what you end up doing.
I hope you can find a good way through this Beth. There must be a legal way out.
Maybe someday.
Hugs and kisses on the cheek,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
(((((((((((((Mandi))))))))))))
We will be keeping you and Jeremy in our thoughts and prayers. I know this must be very scary for you.
Big hugs!
~C
I think mom's idea is the best one. I really think it would be good. But only you can know what is best at this time. We will support you, no matter what you decide.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
~C
Sadie,
This has been one crazy week for me. I've not had too much time for the board. But, I wanted you to know that you are a strong woman. The decisions you've had to make have been beyond difficult. I think coming to this board provides you with support that you really need. Many people here really care about you. That positive energy you receive here can help you through those painful times. The positive energy may not completely stop the pain and difficult situations, but it will give you a soft place to fall when you feel as though life hasn't been so kind.
Thanks for being you!
:) rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
Pages