I think I'm getting there

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I think I'm getting there
15
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 11:17pm

Yep it's me again, comming back to bug y'all one more time (or two or three *shrugs*). Best thing of all is that my biggest dilema of the day was deciding whether to continue under my last thread or start a new one alltogether (right I wish). Anyhoo, what the hell.

Mandi, thanks for sharing your story. Jo (and Mandi) yes I have yahoo im but it's a matter of me remebering to turn it on when I'm online since I normally use AIM, but I'll look for y'all when I do have it on. rj - ditto.

For those of you trying not to say the wrong thing to me - PLEASE don't worry. Please please please give me your honest opinions! that's part of the reason I'm playing this out here, to get feedback and advice b/c I need HELP (in more ways than one as you've already guessed)! So, whether you think I want to hear it or not, just hit me with it. TIA.

Anyway, I've been thinking, analyzing, going back and forth and what not...about his "terms", that I identify as bisexual. Shallow as this may sound, I saw a glimmer of hope that he would let me have a gf? Then I get to thinking on that and I'm apalled at myself and wonder when my morals went out the door and into the wind. My main focus is my son, and if I were to agree to his "terms", the last thing on my mind would be getting a gf. That and nobody, I mean NOBODY, "lets" me do anything. Also, for the past several weeks I let this man make me believe that I had a choice between being a lesbian or being a mother, but I couldn't be both. Shallow again. I have got to find my marbles. I have been a lesbian mother for over 7 years, and just by going back to my son's father would not make me any less of a dyke. How many lesbians are trapped in these types of relationships out of this same fear and confusion, I wonder? What can I do to help them? Where can we go, to help and support each other?

At this point, my heart is telling me one thing (go back to the ex, do whatever it takes to be with your son now), but my mind is telling me different (take your mom's advice). By going with my heart, I'll get to see him now, but his father and family (I apologize that I cannot go into further detail about these ppl, I really am trying to tell as much as I can but at the same time I do have to be selective in what I post in this forum) can take him away again with the snap of thier fingers. I guess I'll always have that fear, even when I do get back to court and win my case, what will they pull next? By going with my mind, I will not see him possibly for another 6 months, but by then I'll be stronger and ready to tear them apart in court, and know that I have a better chance of keeping sweetfeets with me permanently.

I still don't know what to do, and once again I'm rambling. I just wanted to thank y'all once again for the support and advice I've recieved so far, and to reiterate that I DO want your honest opinions (hell tell me to shut up already if ya want) whether you think I want to hear it or not - I do.

xo always.

Beth

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 3:50pm

What an incredible idea Laurie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 5:04pm
Thanks Pam,
I have traveled to Houston before and I would do it again.
I am trying to remember names of people from Houston that I have worked with.
I guess I could always call the comedy club Laugh Stop. I think it is.
Can we do an internet thing?? That would be cool.
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 5:29pm

I think we could.

Avatar for cooledbyair
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 5:41pm
great ideas ladies....If I can be of any help let me know....last ngiht I went to www.lawyers.com just to look around.What we need if more legal minds who are gay....who understand ,because maybe well they have experienced it themselves.....Sadly...yet truely...the ONLY REASON Chasity went back to her hubby was because of the two girls.We live in the south and He would have gotten them point blank.We didn't have the money for a fight and well she had past drug use in her record.....He and her had a huge fight one night over me,he cut himself up horribly....they got the kids out and brought them safely to where I was waiting ,later chasity came.....MP's and all were involved (air force base housing)...social services loved the home chasity and I had yet deamed the air force housing and their parents together as unfit....Her and I NEVER fought,much less around the girls...we were adults...Just because people say this and that of lifestyle does not make it true and NEVER will...sorry it was personal.....also sadie I screwed up adding you at yahoo messeneger (go me,lol) and I also aol again....cooled1974 is my handle....everyone take care and we can help out in any way,I am game.....have a great one.JO
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 8:21pm

>>>>>>It's funny though, another thing that has been coming up is my ability to dole out advise, you know, thinking with the head and not the heart, but when it comes to my own life I can't take my own advise<<<<<.

I can understand what you mean when you said that, Beth, because I have the very same self-reaction...... But there's no need to beat yourself up. My hero, Bruce Lee said,"Knowing is not enough we must apply; Willing is not enough; we must do." That's on the back on one of my Bruce Lee t-shirts. His wisdom holds for me to this very day, when I find myself at a stand still in making a decision or a move, then those words come into my mind. I hope that helps just a bit.

Hugs and kisses on the cheek.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

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