new relationship or ummm???(LONG!)
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| Sat, 11-27-2004 - 10:01pm |
just thinking.....last night my friends and I were going out.It was my friend's sisters's 21st birthday,yet her sister's boyfriend is 17,so we were going to a bar where he could get in...
This was a bar I had been told an ex of mine from 7 years ago worked(estimated not sure of time span)...I walked in and she was working.She saw me I acted like I ddin't see her even though she is an ex I don't mind being around.I didn't really pay much attention to her all night then i went to the bar,she went to get something for me and I told her I was just there to bother her.
we talked some.I told her I had been on "house arrest",lol...then explained that I had broken up with someone recently.She made a comment well you should be able to do what you like and go out at times.She told me I should come around more often,made sure I knew her schedule (basically).....my friends were ready to go so I said see you around ....she said be careful and well I was gone.I thought about her ALL night ....at the club ALL night,driving to and from the club and well had a dream about her.My friend with me said go for it...and well my friend today as well even after I told her ALL the "details".(will explain in a few)lol..
well,my ex had told me she would be working today...so after being designated driver and COMPLETELY sober last night,baby sitting 7 drunks and going to IHOP,returning home at 4:30 am ,I got up at 12 or 12:30 this afternoon and she was of course on my mind.Mind you at the time we broke up years ago,it was not really a big deal then.We mainly broke up I think because I saw Chasity working and she was not supoosed to be working.I walked in with my gf,Chasity got very jealous and well you could just tell...I began to wonder if I was over Chasity and well didn't want to be unfair to the girl at the time.We later saw each other years later on The night I found out Chasity had passed away.I bought her a drink,I was already trashed.It was my ex's 21st birthday that night.We got close that night but never kissed or anything.I gave her my number and hoped she would call....she never did...
Well back to the story,..I went there today we talked.I knew she had a three year old child(didn't know if it was a boy or a girl)...She was with the daddy of the baby and I found out unfortunately still is(4 years now,sometimes off and on) ...I had to run,she asked if I would come back I said yes.I asked her if girls had been a phase,she said no ,there probably would be another girl in her life.She is 23 now,he bf is 19...She says she has bascially raised the child on her own.He works part-time.She is not happy???I am thinking,she hinted at.She said her bf knows of her past.I said at one point he won't like you hanging out with me,she said he'll get over it.We shot pool a few times....I was there a few hours.I gave her my cell number.I told her we were both adults and asked what happened with us?She said she wasn't sure.I told her I didn't like being around ex's but her I didn't mind.,I liked talking to her.I gave her my theory if people are used to misery they stay there for they fear happiness .... they have never seen happiness,and if they lost it(happiness) ....well the prefer to just stay in the misery instead.(that was my theory on Chasity and well I told the ex before I began the "us" talk)...ANYWAY (sorry lost my thought)...we talked some,I told her I would stop talking about the past and well wondered if we gave "us" a fairshot,but well we would never know ( which I don't believe or thinks she does truly either),I told her the past is the past,I didn't want her uncomfortable hanging out with me,she agreed we would start over.I had to leave to get my mom and her sister dinner and told the ex that.Told her I had fun ,told her to call me tommorow if she'd like(we are both off work)...she said she would probably call me tonight(she had kept hinting at wanting to go out tonight)....yet she has not called....which maybe she worked last night til 3am,has a 3 year old son ,then got up this morning and went back to work.SHe said she wanted to go home and to bed also.
my heart says maybe???yet there is a reason she is an ex,but we were both younger.I think I have been clear no games,no lies and all that.I won't be the "secret woman"...at least not long....I know these things ,at least I know them even if she doesn't...my head kind of says check it out.If she evens calls that is.My friend from last night was certain she wanted me back and well is usually dead on.Said she had a major grin,but what do I know???lol...I think of alot of things when it comes to situation?any thoughts???Have a great one ,Jo

Hey Jo, {{{{{{{{{{Jo}}}}}}}}}}. I know where you're coming from. You bascially said it yourself >>>I told her we were both adults<<<<. My persoanl experience in even thinking about going back to an ex, is I wouldn't do it. That's just me. I have too many emotional & mental scars to know if I allowed at least one of them to return, then I'm setting myself up for another dangerous fall, and I don't think I'll be able to survive it. So, you do what you want, but I wouldn't touch that one with a fingernail. It's real easy to go back to what's familiar, but you have to ask yourself, do I want misery? or do I want happiness? You can repeat over and over about what you don't want, that doesn't mean that she's going to be honest in her acceptance of your standards. I know how it feels to be lonely, I'm searching right now, but going back to insanity, no siree bob. I'm becoming more and more in need of peace and serenity, and that's what I'm looking for in a new relationship, love, cooperation, acceptance, and commitment. I've been told by someone on this board, not to lower my standards just to be happy. Believe me she's out there somewhere for you.
{{{{{{{{{{JO}}}}}}}}}}.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
C >^. A .
beth
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Hi Jo, wow complicated situation! Well, while I wouldn't completely discount seeing an ex again, depending heavily on why we broke up in the first place, I definitely couldn't date an ex who is currently involved with someone else... male or female. I couldn't have a relationsip with someone who was involved with someone else. So for me, the fact that she is an ex is really a pretty minor thing, it doesn't sound like there were any serious issues (abuse, addiction, etc...) that caused your break up, and you were both younger, so from that viewpoint I see nothing wrong with the relationship. But she has a 3 yr old child with a man she is still involved with, that would be a huge red flag for me to stay away.
Best of luck!
~C
I have to agree with the rest of the people in this thread.
I EX'S are EX's for a reason. I never go back. I always make real sure I want to be gone when I go.
Also, I have a rule to never get involved with someone who is in a relationship. From what I have seen, it always gets messy and the one who cheated is always questioned by the new partner about their loyalty. It seems the new partner wonders, if the other partner would cheat on her also.
Yes, so maybe you have seen Cat and I flirt on the board, but we agreed that we are both flirts and decided we could have fun flirting and knowing that neither of us had any intentions of leaving our partners. They even know of our flirting game.
Besides Cat just cannot resist me, haha.
Anyway I thought I would clear up what we do on the board and what can happen IRL.
It just gets to messy. And someone in the triangle always gets very hurt.
So you have to consider if that is worth it to you.
You could be friends, then if you both want to take it further, wait until she is truly single.
I am glad to hear that you would never settle for being the "other" woman.
But really, do you want to go back to an ex? Or did your relationship not have closure because of Chasity, and you find that the spark was still there?
Good luck and keep us posted,
Hugs,
Laurie
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Modesty? What's that? Haha
My web pages
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