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Thanks Everyone.
| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 6:48am |
Thanks to all who gave support, it is appreciated. I am hoping things will get better when the holidays are over. At least a little. I still have the nightmares pretty regularly, still miserable most the day but try hard not to let anyone see it, don't want to bring them down. Have always struggled with depression, and also seasonal depression, so this really isn't good timing. I keep seeing my dreams in my head all day, keep seeing everything, keep hearing my brother say "but you're my little sister, I love you", he kept saying that when he was here for our father's funeral, which is the last time I saw him. I walked in on my father- dead, eyes open, stiff as he could be. It was unlike my brother to say those kind of things, I guess that is why it sticks out to me. Each day is a blur, I just stumble through them, I do everything though, I talk to the coroners, funeral home, cops, brother's old employers, whatever needs doing. I drive my mother around for paperwork business because she's a wreck. My dog is my comfort right now. Moments are a struggle. You feel like someone else is going to turn up dead any minute.

{{{{{{{{{{snowshoe}}}}}}}}}}.
I understand how you feel snowshoe, When I received a phone call about my dad's passing, I beat hell getting to the VA. When I walked got to his floor, my two aunts greeted me. I thanked them, and I rushed right to his room. He was lying on his back, mouth wide open. I had never seen anything like it before in my life. I removed my hat and my prized leather vest,this was before I went into the room. I went into his room, went to his body, which was just a shell, touched him and told him(his spirit), "You have raised me the best way that you knew how, and I love you for it. You don't have to suffer anymore. You are now at Peace, I will always love you, and I will never forget you." I couldn't cry, because I had taken my girlfriend, at the time, with me. I had to stay strong for her. After a while, I went to his funeral, and when it came time for me to say my final goodbye's, (one of the attendants works at the state hospital, had given me something to relax, I don't recommend that you go in this direction to ease your pain, ok?), my mom and my brother went with me. I touched his hand again, and kissed him, for some reason, I just couldn't move, and all I could say was, "Goodbye, Daddy". My mom, brother and the attendant had to pull me away, sit me down and hold me. I was an emotional bowl of jelly no, I'm not making fun, I'm just sharing my experience.
I strongly suggest that you take care of you. If you don't you're going to become more depressed. You really should seek some help. There are many days of the year that I miss him, terribly. Father's day, his birthday, Veteran's Day and Memorial Day. He was my world, my drinking buddy and when I was a small child, my road partner. But, I know that I have him in my heart, and in my prayers. So, I know that, in a way, he is still alive, but he is no longer suffering.
{{{{{{{{{{snowshoe}}}}}}}}}}.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
(((((Snowshoe)))))
Hang in there.
CL-Nursepam2000 aka
(((((((((((((snowshoe)))))))))))))))))
I'm glad you stopped by. I hope you continue to come by and spend some time with us.
I think animals are terrific! I have a parakeet. He is a hoot! No pun intended. :)
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197