Should I re-introduce myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Should I re-introduce myself?
24
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:26pm

Hi everyone!

I haven't had any time lately to come and check in, I hope everyone is doing well. Here's a quick up date on me..

I started my new job last week, and lost it this week. I am humiliated because I have never been fired before. Oh I'm sorry, he didn't fire me, he thought it would be best if we "part ways". To me, that's fired. His reason was that he said they think I settled for that job and that it "really was beneath me" and that it is in my best interest because I would not seek better employment as long as I was working there. He said I was overqualified. Whatever. Here's why I really think I got fired: One day one of the managers was in my office asking me alot of personal questions and after talking about my divorce he asked if what happened made me "go to the other side". I answered an honest yes. Then we talked about me being a lesbian. The next day the office manager (a woman) acted funny around me, and made a comment about some "lesbo" that used to work there. The next day I was let go. So, I learned an important lesson - keep my mouth shut about my personal life. On the plus side, it was a non-profit organization and there really wasn't any bright future financially for me there. I just would have liked to have found something else before I was forced to leave. They asked me for a letter of resignation for my file - I am not writing one. The way I see it, he asked me not to come back, I didn't quit.

So, I am job hunting again - not a good thing at Christmas time. Maybe I will wait to look really hard until the first of the year.

The house is coming along good, I have finished everything but two small projects. Jen is good, Leanne is good. My fur babies are good. Other than the job thing I can't complain about much.

So -how are YOU?

Big hugs - Sandra

Sandr

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 3:34pm

(((((((Sandra)))))))


That is the biggest load of hogwash I have ever heard.


Having said that, I am going to tell you that this is why my personal sex life is completely off limits to my coworkers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 3:38pm

Remember Pam, I'm new at this - but I'm learning. I wish I would have asked around here first! You are right, he did do me a favor. Something better will come along. Next time I will be better prepared for the questions if they come up.

Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 5:03pm

I am so sorry to hear your story. I guess I am naive, because I really didn't think people got fired for being gay. It scares me too, since I have just recently come out (only to a few select people, but still) and I fear the retribution which may come my way. I live in a very small town and the fact that my husband & I are divorcing has been enough to send a few small-minded people running for the hills. My daughter has even lost playdates because of it. If a divorced woman is too much for them to handle, can you imagine the reaction if/when they find out I am a lesbian?! Oh man. I am also looking for a teaching job for the first time in almost 9 years, and I feel nervous that there will be many people (administrators & parents) who won't want a lesbian teaching in their elementary school. The thought of being fired just because I am a gay woman is upsetting to me. I hope you find a better job where you can be yourself and be accepted.

Jules

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 6:19pm
That sucks Sandra..... Good grounds to file suit on discrimination factors but,is the job worth it all? and it takes so long.. Been through a discrimination farce once myself,

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 6:22pm

Hello Sandra,


I'm sorry that you lost your job. {{{{{{{{{{{{Sandra}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


In my opinion, you gave too much information too soon. It is quite normal on a new job for people to ask questions about your personal life. People can be nosey. What you have to do is simply not divulge too much information. The guy you mentioned was probably interested in you.


I have been currently where I'm employed for 6 years now. I can remember when I first began working there that I had several guys ask me out. I had people asking me if I dated. Or, who I lived with. People wanted to know about my personal life. I told them very little. I also turned down dates with men. But, when I turned them down, I didn't tell them that I was turning them down because I was gay. That's too much information.


On Monday, I'll be asked by at least one coworker..."How was your weekend?" My answer will be-" great. " "What did you do?" My answer will be, "Went jogging and shopping." Well, actually I went jogging, shopping, watched 2 Queer As Folk DVD's, went to a PlanetOut chatroom, and visited a gay church. Do you think I'm going to tell my coworkers all that? No way! Too much information.


Every workplace has unpleasant personalities. You must teach yourself the ways of the jungle. LOL I wouldn't advocate lying. I hate lying. I would advocate changing the subject or nicely putting someone in there place if they are asking inappropriate questions. When asked a personal question answer it with a short answer that reveals very little information and then change the subject if necessary. Lying requires you to remember your lies.


The guy you mentioned had an agenda. He was interested in you- if you know what I mean. Very few heterosexual men ask such personal questions unless they have an agenda.


I'll leave you with this...Many moons ago, I was in therapy. And, I can remember telling the therapist that I felt guilty about being gay. She asked why I felt guilty. I told her that I felt like I had to hide things from my grandmother or tell her a lie. She said to me, "Why must you feel that your grandmother needs to know everything?" Apply that advice with your future work situations. People don't need to know everything. You aren't obligated to tell them either.


Good luck on your job search. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}


rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 6:38pm
Hey rj.. Good to see ya out here.. Ha.. well I guess I haven't been out much so thats probably it.. Your right of course in the decent thing to do is be truthful, but I admit, I lie as Pam says she does..I don't call it a white lie cause to me (thats discrimination).. Because it then sets my heart to thinking white is okay? Black lies must be what real bad? See my point ?..I just simply call it lies.. Or Fibs..

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 7:06pm

Lying comes in different forms. There are times when one must lie to preserve feelings of another. We've all done that. Example:

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 7:18pm

Well Cuz.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:39pm
Hi Jules, thanks for the reply! I guess I am naive also, which is why I am unemployed. I have learned a lesson the hard way. I too live in a small town, and learned fast not to come too far out of the closet. It's really hard when you are so excited about something, and so happy - and have to hide it all. It's like getting a new car and having to keep it in the garage. *sigh*
Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:41pm
Cat, thats a tough thing, keeping up with a lie. I am not that quick. I would get into trouble. I am just going to plead the 5th from now on....
Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

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