Confused again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Confused again
7
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 1:43pm
I recently posted about my friend who identifies as a male, and I had another question about transgender issues. I asked him last night if he feels like he was born in the wrong body - like if he feels he should have been born a man instead of a woman. He said that he's happy with his body and that he wouldn't change it. But he's still a man, not a woman, even though he is in a woman's body. I think that it's really good that he doesn't want to change his body, but I'm confused because I thought that if he thinks of himself as a man, he would be more comfortable in the body of a man. Can anyone help me to understand this better? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: pinkstar84
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 1:59pm
Hiya pinkstar84. I haven't followed your previous thread, so I'm just drawing straws here. I think your friend knows who he is, and he is comfortable enough with his body (or at least knows it well enough) to not need a mirror to tell him what he is inside, because you can't see what's inside through a mirror. I think it's too complicated for him to explain in a way that others can understand, IMHO. I am always intrigued by transgender issues, as you seem to be, so I can definitely understand your curiosity. Hopefully you'll get some better insight, b/c I'd love to hear from other's points of view on this.

every great journey begins with one step

<IMG SRC="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v243/neryp/lesbboard.jpg" WIDTH=165 HEIGHT=143 BORDER=0 ALT="" USEMAP="#lesbboard_Map">
<MAP NAME="lesbboard_

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: pinkstar84
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 7:01pm

Yep, that can get confusing for anyone if theyre not used to dealing with Transgenderism, and the many shades of grey thats involved in it. *Isnt there shades of grey with all of us though? LOL

Okay, so youre dealing with a person who is Transgendered but doesnt feel as if they need to have the surgery to complete them. Mentally, they feel as if they are male, they choose to see their body that way (and not see certain *parts* the way it actually is). They just feel complete the way they are, and are okay with that. Again, my partner, Mack is the same exact way. Male identified butch, but doesnt intend on getting any kind of surgery.

If you'd like, feel free to shoot some questions at me - not saying Im an expert, but I do have experience with this.

:)
Alisha

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
In reply to: pinkstar84
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 8:45pm

Thanks for offering to answer my questions. I definitely appreciate it. It's nice to be able to talk to people who have experience with this because it is completely new to me. I really like this guy a lot, though, and it's been great getting to know him. I was kind of confused and scared when I first met him, but it's really not scary at all.

A question I have that you may be able to answer is: if the person identifies as a male and is attracted to females, does that make him straight? And what does that make me? I know that sounds like a silly question, but I really can't figure it out.

Thanks so much for all of your help. I definitely appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: pinkstar84
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 9:22am

Youre very welcome.

The thing here you need to remember is that whatever or however a person chooses to identify is a personal thing, and completely their own. It has no bearing on what YOU are or how you need to identify. My thought on this would be if your friend is a male identified butch and is attracted to femmes/females, that would make him QUEER.

Lesbian implies women/women whereas Queer is broader than that. As well, many Queer people do not consider themselves homosexual as Homosexual means 'Same' and how can it be 'same' if you have a male identified person and a female identified person together? But thats the great debate. Personally, I understand where that argument comes from, as well as understand the other side of it that says you cant argue with what you are biologically. Its a huge debate in the Queer community, trust me. LOL

As for what that makes you? Well, only you know that. See, (here's my shot at it) if normally you are open to being in relationships with female identified women only, that would make you a Lesbian. But if you are open to being with both male id'd and female id'd people, that would make you Queer. *You still have to figure out if youre open to being with male id'd people, because it is truly a different world.

Youre heterosexual if you are with biological men only, and Bi-sexual if you are with men and women.

Yep, it gets confusing but remember, nothing is set in stone, and sexuality is so fluid ya know.

-Alisha

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: pinkstar84
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 9:24am

Wow, now there's a good question. I wish I could help you there, but I can't.
I would not consider myself straight if Jen decided she would prefer to be referenced as "him". This does get confusing - maybe you shouldn't look into it so deep!LOL

Ignorance really IS bliss! That's my theory anyway....

Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
In reply to: pinkstar84
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 11:26am

Thanks for replying to my post - everything that you said is very helpful and makes sense. I asked him what he considers himself to be, and he said exactly what you suggested - that he's queer.

I think that I'm bi, but I'm afraid to really label myself yet because I'm not exactly sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
In reply to: pinkstar84
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 11:33am
Yeah, it's a really tough situation, but I really like him.