I need to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
I need to talk
48
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 11:42am
I love Brandi with all my heart but I feel like we are more like best friends that anything else. She told me last night that we only had sex 1 time all last year. It is true. I was pregnant a lot of the year and was high risk and then you have the post partum time and all that but I dont know why we arent now. Even before I got pregnant we didnt have sex. It was either me not wanting to or her. We cant seem to get it together. When we first got together she didnt want to cause she wanted to cause she thought it would ruin what we were trying to start. Then she said she didnt want to so I just stopped asking. I have always been pretty much a "self" nympho. I dont sleep around and never really have but i have been pleasuring myself since I was 6 (when I figured out what the hand held shower massage was really for!) and still do very often. Well now it is to the point where it is weird to even talk about sex with her. It seems like we are new again or something. Well, that and we have 2 kids. Even when they are at Grammy's house we find excuses. I hate it. I love her and I know she loves me so why is it so weird? I want to have sex with her so bad but I cant initiate anymore. I was shot down too many times I guess. I need help getting out of this. How can I start a conversation about it without it being strange? Thanks for listening and sorry i havent been around much. It is so hard to find computer time when Jeremy wanted to be on it all day but he is back in school today.... YAY!
Thanks again, Mandi
Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:24pm

Good for you Laurie! Doing the things that make you feel better is so vital. I was so down and melancholy a few weeks ago, when I first came here. I really felt like my whole world was ending. But even though things aren't "perfect" and I use that word loosely, I have been better able to focus all that energy into avenues that I feel are good for me. You with comedy, me with writing. I also gave it up because it kept me up all hours of the night. Naturally nocturnal that went over like a "turd in a punch bowl" lol...and since I've taken it up again, I feel so much better. Taking ownership for that which is uniquely mine has helped.

I feel you on the 'perve' thing and the hollow feeling inside. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))to you because I know what it's like. I decided I wouldn't ever bring it up again either, and whatever happens, happens!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 9:10pm
(((((Laurie)))))) Try not to think of it in that way Hon.. That

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:00pm
Hi Lee,
I feel that we willalways be together. I just know how the other's feel not having sex and that special intimacy that comes with it.
When a person has a high sex drive it is almost torture sometimes and very distracting.
When you realize that the most physically and emotinally high feeling might not ever happen or at least not hardly ever. You feel like OMG is this fair to me. She is very happy and pleased but I feel like a major part of the relationship is gone. I do feel rejected, unwanted, and lonely. I also feel like I do not want to give up sexual passion and intimacy as much as she wants to give it up. Why am I the one who has to change or why can't I have a person to go to for this huge thing that is lacking. I need to take something to stop these feelings or something. I truly believe that this is a large part of my depression since I only became depressed when we stopped making love. It hurt, I cried alot. Then I felt like we were over as lovers. Now I feel like I just do not know what to do. Or sometimes I feel like we are just best friends and my eyes and mind stray sometimes.
But then I know that I do not want to have this with someone else it is Sheila that I want this with.
But it might never be.
I try to see it your way but when will someone see it our way. For those of us who this does matter and make a big difference in a relationship and life.
We were both soooo in to it at first then it started to slowly dissapate in to never.
Then I think about how we take care of each other and how I worry if she is running late after she left work only to be relieved that she stopped at the grocery store and did not have an accident.
How we care for each other when we are sick, or bummed, or going through a stressful time. How we support each other in the best and worst of times. How she will leave me little love notes and sweet wishes for my day on the days I cannot seem to wake up, and how I can never throw those little notes away. How she kisses me so passionately and always tells me how much she loves me and appreciates me. I remember how it felt when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and how I could not imagine anything happening to her and decided that if she died I would too so I could be with her and so I would not suffer without her.
So yes, I do see that there is way more to a relationship than the sexual part.
That is why I stay.
Love ya Lee,
We do need to talk more about your side of it. Seems many of us could use help in that department.
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:19pm

I just want to say that I think this an awesome discussion from both sides of it and I hope this thread or others like it keep springing up.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:23pm
I also feel like I do not want to give up sexual passion and intimacy as much as she wants to give it up. Why am I the one who has to change or why can't I have a person to go to for this huge thing that is lacking. I need to take something to stop these feelings or something. I truly believe that this is a large part of my depression since I only became depressed when we stopped making love. It hurt, I cried alot. Then I felt like we were over as lovers. Now I feel like I just do not know what to do. Or sometimes I feel like we are just best friends and my eyes and mind stray sometimes.

Of course you don't want to give up your sexual passion,

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:55pm

Well, I know I must be a very horny woman, but I simply love to have sex. I just like to feel a woman's touch and just the feel and smell of a woman's body. I'm might be way out of line, but I think a relationship should have the sex and intimacy that a relationhip should have. Remember me saying that a person or a relationship is like a triangle?

Well, if the sex part of a relationship is absent then the triangle is not complete. And that's just my .2 also.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:13pm
Hey ((((((gigi)))))) Hon.. And of course you are right in your feelings for you Hon.. and ya know you have this incrediable<(spelling Help!)

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:28pm

Awww, thanks, you're hot, too ya know?

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:30pm
Yeah.... Big headed me knows **Smiles** But you.. as I said... do have that way..
(((((Hugs back))))
(((((((((((

 C  >^. A .

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 1:03am

Mandi,

You know I was all fired up to just post my little heart away just now. But I've realized a lot the last few days since you posted this. I think it is just time for me to do my own heart to heart, try to have another heart to heart with her and go from there.

Mandi I wish you the best of luck. I truly hope you can bring it all back around for you and yours.

Thank you to all the ladies that posted regarding this and for conversing with me( Laurie, Igentleheart, Caly) and I hope that things go well for you.

Take care,

Lafaye




Edited 1/8/2005 1:17 am ET ET by lafaye_ak