Advise on LDR
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Advise on LDR
| Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:04pm |
Hello all. I am new to the message board because I'm in a situation and not quite sure how to handle it. This is my first relationship with a girl and we have been going out for about a year and a half. The last 6 months have been a long distance. My girl friend and I are about 5 hours away from each other but we both have busy lives its hard to see each other often. She met a girl that she works with and is attracted to sexually. The other girl is interested in her too. My girlfriend asked me if it was all right if she made out with the other girl and I told her I would have to think about it. I don't have a lot of experience with relationships and I was wondering if a long distance relationship is more success if it is a monogamous one or an open one with ground rules. My girlfriend say she loves me and she won't if it will affect our relationship but by telling me it already has done some damage because now I'm not so sure about our relationship. I do fine other women attractive and may think about what it's like to be with them but I don't actually want to. Please help. Thanks for listening.

Hello -
Welcome to the board. I am also new here and have found lots of good advice.
I guess you have to ask yourself how you would really feel if you both started seeing other people. What are your long term plans within the relationship? Somehow gay men are able to handle the non-monogamous thing better than lesbians, but I think it is up to the individual. I don't think there are proven statistics of "what works" in LDR, just what works for you and her.
She obviously wants to hook-up with this other person, which I can imaging is hard on you right now. Try not to see it as a rejection but a reason to talk about how you really feel about it with her. At least she was honest about it and you should be honest with her... not always easy. I speak from experience.
Good luck!
-Raven
Hello, chibata, my name is Gigi. I have a Long Distance Relationship with a woman that lives in West Virginia. I speak with her on the phone, I IM her, I've written her a letter and I've emailed her some very erotic stories. But on the whole, I keep in contact with her so she knows that I'm interested with her and that I'm thinking about her. There are circumstances that are a bit more personal, that I won't reveal here. My question is do you talk with her on the phone often? Do you both visit each other at different times of the year, or do you visit each other more often than that? Do you exchange letter's?
As I have suggested, and I'm pretty sure other's will also, you both have to "sit" down and talk about the importance of monogamy, faithfulness and respect, that the two of you are earning between the two of you, since you seem to have established with each other. I wouldn't dare suggest an open relationship, unless all parties involved are mature and accepting of it. Personally, I'm dead set against them. But as I said it all depends on the maturity level, and constant open and honest communications between all.
But, since it involves the both of you directly, you both have the final decisions. Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope every thing works out.
Btw, Welcome to Lesbian Life, we are a community of caring and supportive women, We like to have fun and we love each other very much. And you are welcome to stay and enjoy this wonderful group of women, that I have come to love and respect. So please, sit on our nice comfortable cyber couch, please have some chocolate, and the beverage of your choice.
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Chibata,
mom to 4 kids and in love with the most awesome and beautiful woman in the world!
I have been in two LDR's, they both became open relationships and eventually each person found a new person in their own town. That is just my experience. The local girl was not about to put up with a LDR woman lurking in the background.
It could work and I have seen it work for other people. As long as everyone is in agreement and honest with each other.
The one LDR I was in lasted off and on for several years. It was great, and that is what we both wanted at the time. Eventually we met local women and we just got together in between relationships. We only lived an hour and a half away, So we did the weekend thing.
It is all up to you and what you want right now.
Take care,
Hugs,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Hi and Welcome to the board!
Others have given you some really great thoughts here and I have to concur.
*hugs