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| Thu, 01-13-2005 - 10:53pm |
I'm a senior in highschool and i first started realizing my attraction to other females when i was a freshman. It took me some time to grasp and accept, esppecially since my parents and most of my family is strongly anti-gay. I met this younger woman in my 1th grade year, i had her as a teacher for one of my classes. This class was a combined history and english class, which meant i got to see her just about every day in school. At first i thought it might just have been an innocent little crush i had on her, but as time went on my feelings have gotten stronger for her. We've gotten fairly close through the past couple of years and we are writing e-mails back and forth constantly just about. I finally felt confortable enough to come out to her last summer. She was perfectly fine with it and accepting. At first i thought the freindship that we had would become awkward once school was back in session, but it wasn't, it was almost just like old times. Also this year she sent me an e-mail out of the blue on my b-day wishing me a happy birthday and telling me how great of a person i am. In n e-mail that i sent her and a few other people on thanksgiving i asked what those peopel were thankful for, and theni stated what i was thankful for. I really like her reply, i didn't even expect something detailed back...
"Jenn -
You are a pretty wonderful young woman. I appreciate your openness and
sincerity. I have so much to be thankful for in my life - family,
health, stability, adventure, and amazing people constantly around me
who brighten my day with cool thoughts, warm wishes and genuine support
through all of life's crazy turns.
I hope you have had a great Thanksgiving, Jenn.
Be well and enjoy the rest of the few days off from school!
JC"
in another e-mail...
"I trust you, and I know that you do make
responsible decisions. Your attitude about drugs is smart. Some things
just aren't worth it - and you do have a lot going for you with the FD.
I don't want to see you get hurt. You are a smart, resourceful and
together person. I've seen some people make choices that sell
themselves short. You have your entire life ahead of you! No need to
rush stuff (although it probably doesn't feel that way).
Anyhow - I'm glad you feel comfortable letting me know what is going on.
I have a lot of respect for you. You remain a cool, good person.
Again - I just want you to be safe!
JC"
when a friend of mine from the Fire Department passed away after a battle with cancer, i wrote to her b/c i needed someone to talk to and just someone to let it all out on...
"Jenn - I'm glad you wrote. I was thinking of you last evening.
Obviously after school was insane - I hope we get a chance to talk
today. I want to hear about yesterday and what you are thinking about
it all.
JC"
I'm just really grateful to have met her.
At times i feel like there might be something there on her part as well, but i'm never really sure if there is, or if it's just me being hopeful. When we're talking together there's this air of comfort on both our parts. While in her class listening to her speak i usually tend to gaze right into her eyes, giving her my full attention. When she looks back directly at me this great overwhelming feeling just surges right through me. Then a smile usually comes accross her face as i smile back. Sometimes i almost feel as if she knows. In the halls it's the same way we'll see eachother and say hi. Her eyes are what really pull me in, along with her smile. Then there's her intelligence and sense of "outdoorsy-ness". I just feel this sense of protection for her because i care about her and like her so much. Not to the extent of where it's more possessive, but more as in if anything bad happened to her, or if she neeeded any help i would want to be there for her, or at least have her know that.
I think that is where i am lost a little. It's coming down to the final months , and before i leave i want her to know how i feel about her and that i'll always be there for her if she ever needed anything, like she has been there for me to talk to help me through difficult issues.
i definately understand the whole part about her not being able to act on anything as long as i'm still in school there (if there is anything there). That's one thing that i have always understood and never wanted to test. That's the last thing i would want to do to her, hurt her or get her into any sort of trouble.
i guesss i just need and want other's opinions on if it's just me or maybe there really might be something there. Or if i should even bother letting her know how i feel.

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Welcome to the board.
If I were you I would not tell her anything until after you graduate and are old enough to not get her or you in any trouble.
She of course could not tell you if she felt the same and you would still be left in limbo.
Maybe just have fun and enjoy being a teenager for now. Things will work out if they are meant to be. You sound very mature and I wish you the best!
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My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
Welcome Jenn!
I respect Laurie (the previous poster) and agree with her advice. However, my girlfriend wants me to tell you what she thinks.
Let me tell you about us first - I am 35 and my girlfriend Jen is 18. We have been together for 9 months. It all started with the looks and smiles that you described. Although I am the older one, she protects me, just as you described. She feels like you should tell her how you feel. She said that if you wait you might not get the chance to tell her later.
Sandr
ha ha that was funny, "However, my girlfriend wants me to tell you what she thinks."
i do apprecizate the feedback a lot.
I think it's really neat that out of all the people that could have responded, you two did. Two people who i think (at least age wise) i am in the same situation as.
I don't know...it just seems ironic. i hope you guys see this too, because i think it would neat to get to know you better.
take care,
~Jenn
Sandr
firefighter 28, Hello, my name is Gigi, Welcome to Lesbian Life. For one, if you posted this early in the morning, some of us were either still in bed, like myself, or at work.
There's usually someone "hanging out". Please, don't get the wrong idea, someone usually does respond, it may take us a while, but we do.
In my opinion, and that's all that it is, it sounds like what I went through when I was in high school. I knew that I was a lesbian, but I couldn't come out at the time. I was what was known as a cross between a jock and a bookworm (interesting combination, huh?).
Anyway, I went throught the same feelings towards some of the girls that I went to school with. I had a few of them in my eyesight as well. But, I couldn't "come out" at the time, because for obvious reasons, I would have gotten jumped, (even though, that was very unlikely). At my senoir year, My feelings had gotten stronger, and I had several "wet dreams" about a few of the girls, and let me tell ya, they were great! I can understand the wanting to protect her and all of the other stuff that you want to do, but I suggest that you just keep it at the level of email, talking after school, and just keeping a low profile.
If you say anything too soon, she might misunderstand, even though she knows and accepts that your a lesbian. Sometimes young women say one thing, and do another. I know that your occupation is dangerous, I can agree, please be careful. There comes a time, that you let your feelings be known, and then there are times that you have to just let things go a bit.
Welcome again and hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Jenn,
Sounds like the perfect teacher. She's accepting you and your friendship, is encouraging and genuinely cares about you and your future. She clearly states her comittment to family. Is she married? Does she have children? Does she live with a man?
Queen of crush here with several teachers. My basketball coach was the biggest. They all know and see the crushes, and inside I think they are flattered. I'm glad I never came out to my basketball coach. She is very much straight, and happily married. She was a great influence in my life, and remains so today. Think carefully about the questions above.
I find this statement interesting. "Anyhow - I'm glad you feel comfortable letting me know what is going on." She's happy that you can come to her with your problems, and trusts you. I think she puts a line here that is defining your relationship. ie, I'm straight and yet you trust me.
This woman sounds like a great teacher, and in my opinion you can probably be safe in coming out to her, only, I would hold your feelings about her back. When I coached and taught school, I had several girls that seemed to be mesmerized with me. We all have that happen, and we refer to them as baby dikes. I think she already know's how you feel, based on the eye contact and smiles. Who knows, when you come out to her, if she is gay, she might come out to you. If I was her, I wouldn't come out to you until after you graduate. Things get sticky when teachers come out to students. I've watched a friends career get ruined, publicly, because of a student who was gay. Be careful not to lose her; she may just be the best friend that will last a life time.
Don't know if I helped you, but, I have been there done that kind of thing. I think we all have. lol
halo
hugs
halo
to answer those beginning questions... "Is she married? Does she have children? Does she live with a man?"
nope, nope, and nope.
i found this part of your post interesting: ""Anyhow - I'm glad you feel comfortable letting me know what is going on." She's happy that you can come to her with your problems, and trusts you. I think she puts a line here that is defining your relationship. ie, I'm straight and yet you trust me."
i never really thought about that statement in that way before. It was interesting to see it from a different perspective, i know there are no guaruntees that it's treue or that it's false. It was still and eye opener to see it from that perspective though....so thanks!
No one truely has the answer to the life long mystery of what a woman is really thinking or doing. You think that when you get older, that you will develop the ability to decipher the clues, to know exactly, how, when, and where to let a person know how you feel. When you finally make that move, bammo! The thing backfires and your left standing there wondering what the H happened?
We have a tendency to read too much into the signs because we romanticize life with the person that we are falling for. In a perfect world, they woo us and are our hero's. They waltze up to us and sweep us off our feet. We wait for them to come up to the stage and rescue us in the middle of singing the perfect love song, and we know in our hearts that we will live happily ever after! It's our inner desires that drive us crazy.
I'm 47 and going through that problem right now. The girl of my dream returned from her trip and sent me a text message yesterday morning at 6:30 am. It can drive you nuts trying to reason why. For example, it's a long trip home, yet she contacts me as soon as she arrives home. I get excited, she's thinking of me! I want to call, I don't, I text her back saying welcome home. Now, I know that she's not going to call me, and I wrestle with should I call her? I can count on my hands and toes how many times this has happened. I know she's not interested in me. I'm not even sure how close of friends we are because she has pulled back and is distant. What is going on inside her head?
See, it can drive you nuts. I'm in love with everything about her. A side from my high school crushes, all of my relationships have been with women who pursued me. I have never fallen in love like this. See, were in the same boat and the water is deep. Do you have an extra pail? Sheesh, women? :)
halo
hugs
halo
Hi halo, it sounds to me like a game of come here/go away.
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
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