what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
what to do
49
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 10:53pm

I'm a senior in highschool and i first started realizing my attraction to other females when i was a freshman. It took me some time to grasp and accept, esppecially since my parents and most of my family is strongly anti-gay. I met this younger woman in my 1th grade year, i had her as a teacher for one of my classes. This class was a combined history and english class, which meant i got to see her just about every day in school. At first i thought it might just have been an innocent little crush i had on her, but as time went on my feelings have gotten stronger for her. We've gotten fairly close through the past couple of years and we are writing e-mails back and forth constantly just about. I finally felt confortable enough to come out to her last summer. She was perfectly fine with it and accepting. At first i thought the freindship that we had would become awkward once school was back in session, but it wasn't, it was almost just like old times. Also this year she sent me an e-mail out of the blue on my b-day wishing me a happy birthday and telling me how great of a person i am. In n e-mail that i sent her and a few other people on thanksgiving i asked what those peopel were thankful for, and theni stated what i was thankful for. I really like her reply, i didn't even expect something detailed back...
"Jenn -
You are a pretty wonderful young woman. I appreciate your openness and
sincerity. I have so much to be thankful for in my life - family,
health, stability, adventure, and amazing people constantly around me
who brighten my day with cool thoughts, warm wishes and genuine support
through all of life's crazy turns.

I hope you have had a great Thanksgiving, Jenn.
Be well and enjoy the rest of the few days off from school!
JC"

in another e-mail...
"I trust you, and I know that you do make
responsible decisions. Your attitude about drugs is smart. Some things
just aren't worth it - and you do have a lot going for you with the FD.
I don't want to see you get hurt. You are a smart, resourceful and
together person. I've seen some people make choices that sell
themselves short. You have your entire life ahead of you! No need to
rush stuff (although it probably doesn't feel that way).
Anyhow - I'm glad you feel comfortable letting me know what is going on.
I have a lot of respect for you. You remain a cool, good person.
Again - I just want you to be safe!
JC"

when a friend of mine from the Fire Department passed away after a battle with cancer, i wrote to her b/c i needed someone to talk to and just someone to let it all out on...

"Jenn - I'm glad you wrote. I was thinking of you last evening.
Obviously after school was insane - I hope we get a chance to talk
today. I want to hear about yesterday and what you are thinking about
it all.
JC"

I'm just really grateful to have met her.

At times i feel like there might be something there on her part as well, but i'm never really sure if there is, or if it's just me being hopeful. When we're talking together there's this air of comfort on both our parts. While in her class listening to her speak i usually tend to gaze right into her eyes, giving her my full attention. When she looks back directly at me this great overwhelming feeling just surges right through me. Then a smile usually comes accross her face as i smile back. Sometimes i almost feel as if she knows. In the halls it's the same way we'll see eachother and say hi. Her eyes are what really pull me in, along with her smile. Then there's her intelligence and sense of "outdoorsy-ness". I just feel this sense of protection for her because i care about her and like her so much. Not to the extent of where it's more possessive, but more as in if anything bad happened to her, or if she neeeded any help i would want to be there for her, or at least have her know that.

I think that is where i am lost a little. It's coming down to the final months , and before i leave i want her to know how i feel about her and that i'll always be there for her if she ever needed anything, like she has been there for me to talk to help me through difficult issues.

i definately understand the whole part about her not being able to act on anything as long as i'm still in school there (if there is anything there). That's one thing that i have always understood and never wanted to test. That's the last thing i would want to do to her, hurt her or get her into any sort of trouble.

i guesss i just need and want other's opinions on if it's just me or maybe there really might be something there. Or if i should even bother letting her know how i feel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 1:38am
Yes, you are correct in the spelling of Corie Ten Boom.
However you miss spelled Lee. You spelled Cat instead. I thought my other post really sent you. I guess I need to work a little harder huh Lee?
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 1:57am
What other post Hon?. I did answer one other about you sending me ..To the sky .. HeeHee~

((((Hugs))))


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 2:08am
Parents can be funny. I thought my Dad did not know about me because my Mom said it would "kill him".
So one time I was on a string of comedy show one nighters and traveling with my friend who is a guy comedian and was doing the shows too.
We had two nights off in between Cleveland, Ohio and West "by God" Virginia. (yeah, I know, evil booking agent.) So we spent the two nights at my Dad's in Youngstown, Ohio.
He was on the phone when we walked in and he looked at us, waved and said to his friend on the phone, "Ok, my daughter is here, and she has a guy with her, I don't know what that is about, I guess I'll find out." So my Dad comes over and gives me a big bear hug and a kiss, then when he turned to my friend Art, Art said, "Just a hand shake thanks." Then he told my Dad at dinner that he was going to ruin my reputation when we get back and tell everyone he slept with me on the trip. They made a mistake in booking us one of the hotel rooms and we had to share a bed. So he and my Dad had all kinds of laughs on me. But I knew then that my Dad knew, not only because Art outed me to him but because he was not surprised, he just knew.
I guess the moral of the story is it won't kill them, and they might already know. Maybe they are trying to see how you respond to what they say to confirm.
I really like what halo said, "left side Mom, what's for dinner?"
Craked me up.
I was buying a new car so Sheila could drive a nice car to work since she is in management. I wanted to pay cash but I was three thousand dollars short, so I called my dad (he is into cars) and asked what kind of car would be the next best thing. He said, oh this must be for Sheila, I know that is not your style of car. I said yeah it is for Sheila. Then he said he would send the extra three thousand and to tell Sheila he loves her. Then he asked if I was sure She was the one this time. I said yes, I believe she is.
I have never come right out and told him. They are smarter than we think, our parents are.
Eventually they will know even if it is not said.
I wish you the best, you are a wise women, things will work out for you.
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 2:15am
Yes the other post I was ref. to was the one you mentioned. But I was playing with you about correcting your spelling too since you signed CAT instead of LEE, when you were correcting my spelling of Cori Ten Boom.
Thought I might not have sent you high enough since you signed Cat instead of Lee.
See just playing Lee/cat.
Sigh...
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 9:58am

Oh my God Laurie, you've been to Youngstown Ohio? That's my home town! Isn't it just aweful? I had two comedians come to my bar in Youngstown. Can't remember their names, CRS.

I think the girls first name was Julie. We had a ton of laughs shooting pool together on her last night. I've never gone toe to toe with a comedian, and I had her laughing too. Clowning is not that far off from being a comic. She was a jewish comedian who played the guitar in her act. Very funny woman. Tha male comic I almost kicked him out the first time I met him. What a rude dude, and he wasn't funny at all.

Youngstown dad's are great people. I'm actually from Boardman a suburb of Youngstown, and I'm a YSU graduate. What shcool did you graduate from?

small world isn't it?
hugs,
halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 3:05pm

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 3:48pm
OMG! No Way!!
I am actually from Austintown, also just outside of Youngstown. I graduated from Austintown, Fitch High school 1978.
My Dad now lives in Boardman, And my Cousin's daughter goes to Boardman.
Which Bar did you own? Was it a gay bar or the comedy club?
I am not Jewish but I do play a guitar in part of my act.
I have performed at the Cleveland Improv. I was always afraid to perform in my home town.
I went everywhere around it.
Yes it is awful there. Do you remember where the female comedian was from?
What year did you graduate and then we have to start naming people we know. I would bet we are somehow connected by someone who knows someone who knows someone.
Please get back to me on this one!
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: firefighter_28
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 3:51pm
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: firefighter_28
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 2:44pm

OMG no your not from Austintown.... I just read your post!

I can't believe it? Yes, we need to swap names only I don't remember most. What I do remember is coach Diane Rea? Is that how you spell it? Did you have a crush on her? lol

I graduated from Boardman in 1975. I was playing college ball for Younsgtown State. Did you ever read the news papers?

Oh my god, have you been to the Aut Mori Grotto Circus? You know the one in Struthers. I worked it every year!

I used to go to the Cosmic Dreams up by the university. Then there was this bar on Mahoning avenue, before you came into Austintown on the left side near a plaza, what O'mally's now?. How about the Elmton Pizza in Struthers did you ever go there? I miss Quaker Steak and Lube chicken wings!

How about Mill Creek Park! Those are the things I miss about Youngstown. I can't believe we had to leave there to meet here on the boards. :)

Do you know the Majernick family? Judy or John, their sister Jennine was killed in an auto accident. So much to talk about.

Can't wait to hear from you again!

hugs
halo

hugs

halo

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