My girlfriend needs her space
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My girlfriend needs her space
| Sat, 01-15-2005 - 12:41pm |
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 months and we have great communication with eachother, which is great since we are in a long distant relationship. From day one my girlfriend has told me about her dreams and goals, and that she is very independent and likes her space at times too. I am her first relationship where she has feelings for me. Her previous relationships she chose people who werent necessarily right for her, because she new that she didnt want her relationship to interfer with her goals of joining the peace corp. I fully support her with all of her dreams, and goals, and actually this is her last semester of school then she graduates, and is off to Brazil for 4 months to help children there. She has informed me that she is not used to being so happy in a relationship, and she stated that she really wants to focus on her last semester in school. I totally support her. We talk every day on the phone, in fact we share a family plan with eachother so it wouldnt cost a lot of money. She just recently told me that she needed some space, and that she wants to be able to get excited to hear or call me, instead of feeling obligated that she has to call me. I really want this relationship to work, and I am trying to understand her needs. I do however, find it very hard to not think that she doesnt want to be with me. She has told me that she does want to be with me, and that she just needs space sometimes whether in a relationship, family member, or friends. She told me to not worry at all about her cheating on me, because of course I had to ask if her needing space means she wants to look for other people. She said to not even think about such a stupid thing, and that she would never ever hurt me in that way, and to just understand that she is not used to being in relationships, and that she needs her space. We still talk to eachother everyday just not as much, I am trying very hard to understand her needs, its just hard for me to get used to not talking to her ALL the TIME. I guess I am afraid that if I give her her space (too much space) then she will loose interest in me and our relationship wont grow. Do you have any suggestions, comments or tips? This is the only place where I can get advice. Thank you

mandi
Hi meatheadnhawaii,
I can relate to your situation. I am going through the same thing with the woman that I'm dating. However, she and I are in the same state, city, and town. I can't seem to get her-no matter how hard I try-to tell me what she wants and expects from our relationship. Everytime I try to address the issue with her, and communicate with her, she doesn't seem interested. Yet, she states that it has nothing to do with me, and that it's her and her fears. I believe that it's just because she is not used to having someone who is so into her as I am. In result, it's created a lot of stress between us. And due to me pressuring her, I've sorta pushed her away.
I know that it's hard, but based on my experience, I suggest that if you love and care for her, try to understand and remain patient with her.
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Meatheadnhawaii,
This is just my opinion but maybe you should give her the space. I know its hard for you but maybe she's falling for you in a way that she's never imagined. With her graduating and going away for four months she's going to miss you a lot. This could be her defense mechanism. If she puts some distance between you and her it will make the time easier. It will be easier to concentrate on her course work and leave her to go off to Brazil. She could be afaid that if you guys continue the way you do she might not want to go away. Which is way she hasn't been in relationships that were right for her.
As for being afraid of givng her to much space there is this one quote i forgot where its from but its goes something like if you try if on tightly to a hand full of sand it all falls out but if you hold it loosely it remains in your hands. There is always that phrase if you let it go and it comes back then its miean't to me. In my own personal experience, I am with the girl I am today because she never pushed and give me my space even tho there was a chance of losing me. I love her for letting me decide who I want to be with on my own terms.
I hope this helps. Good Luck.
hello meatheadnhawaii, My name is Gigi. I can understand your situation and from what I read everyone has told you correctly. My spin on things is this, I'm in a long distance relationship, and I couldn't possibly talk to my sweetie all the time. I have a life and so does she. She has a son and a grandson, to look after, and she has friends that she hangs around, too. I do call her, but her life gets hectic, and I have to let her go, and take care of myself.
So a little space is needed, and if she loves you, then don't worry. Just go on about your life and check in with her every so often, and let it go at that.
Nice to see you again! Please come back more often!
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
"and that she wants to be able to get excited to hear or call me, instead of feeling obligated that she has to call me."
This alone is sending a message to you that she wants more. She wants you to consitrate on her. She has never had someone who has consitrated on her and her alone. I know consitrate is spelled wrong but is late. IMO she is looking for a sign for this relationship to continue. IMO, you need to apply more confidence of your luv for her. If it is not there, then don't continue. My opinion, I know this feeling, she just need reassurance. Good Luck!