GF needs some time

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
GF needs some time
10
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 12:41pm

G/F and I had a discussion yesterday about us maybe giving eachother some space for a little while.

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 2:58pm

Hello scarletter, Well, have you asked her why she's having a hard time letting go of her girlfriend? If Ashely's girlfriend is willing to let go, what is Ashley's problem?

If her parner calls her at least ten times a day, is there a reason behind that? At some point your going to have to sit Ashley down and talk. And I mean, you have to sit in one chair, and she sit in the other. There has to honest conversations, no affection, no romantic eyes, nothing. If you don't get any clear answers, then maybe she does need some time to get herself together. Even though you two spend time together on the weekends, is that good enough for you? I'm telling ya, I'd get tired of it after a while, and the "merry go round" would have to stop. That's just like a person married to two wives, of course, if that's what the three of you want, than great! But someone's getting the rotten end of the stick, and that's how resentments come up. So, I would strongly suggest that the three of you get things straightened out, or the kids are going to suffer, and I know y'all don't want that to happen.

I hope that helps!




Edited 1/18/2005 6:08 pm ET ET by igentleheart

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 8:50pm
I think I would beware that she is asking you for space. I would certainly give her the space she needs so she will not feel like she has to much on her plate.
Maybe she is realizing that she has to lose one of you for real and that she cannot have her cake and eat it too.
Maybe she has guilt over splitting up her family. Either way, If I were you, and I am not, but I would go about my life and let her have the time she needs. I just would not push things with her.
It might freak her out that you are going about your life without her but you need to be able to keep living incase she is going to decide to try to make things work with her family.
I do remember your situation. Maybe you could take this time for you too. Maybe you could work on making some new friends in your area.
I hope that things will work out for you in the end!
Good luck and stay strong.
Hugs,
Laurie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:24pm

"That's just like a person married to two wives, of course, if that's what the three of you want, than great! "


No, no, no, that's not what I want.

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:25pm
Thank you Laurie.

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 6:21am

Scarlet, I really feel for you, that's an awful, heartbreaking place to be. You three are on the cusp of a huge change, and hanging onto what's familar partly in fear of the unknown.


It looks to me as if the decision to give eachother a little space came more from Ashley than you, since you say you don't want to let her go, even just a little bit. But I think you really must let loose, for everyone's sake.


Ashley may need to re-experience life with her partner- as it would be without you in the picture- in order to make a true decison about being able to leave her AND, see what her life would feel like without you. Think of it as one last evaluation of what she has, in order to really FEEL

 

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 1:55pm

Hi Nony,

Very perceptive that last part. I can attest to that as someone that's been in an overbearing relationship. Not letting go, just a little bit, becomes something you hate near the end. And your observation is very keen.

It's a hard place to be, like you said, on the precipice of a huge change. I won't give much advice, since I'm not all that together these days myself, but sometimes letting go, even though it'll be terribly painful is best. If it is meant for you, it will come back. I do believe that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 2:43pm

Nony,


I really think that you hit all of the bullet points right

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 7:14pm


Ok, well, I just hope that the torture can stop and someone be happy and at peace.

Hugs, and it still good to see you.

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 3:53pm
(((((((Scarlett))))))) I don't really have any other words of advice, but I can imagine how agonizing it must be to want/love someone who can't give ALL of herself to you. You are a very special person for trying to give her the space she needs and trying to understand her feelings. I really hope she'll be able to break off her relationship with her ex soon so she can give you the attention you deserve.
Ting

Ting 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 5:14pm

Thank you Ting!

Scarlett
my blog