~ Community Leaders Needed ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2003
~ Community Leaders Needed ~
25
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 4:35pm

We're very sorry to see Pam and Courtney leave us for real-life

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:05pm
Bumping to give other's a chance to read and apply.
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2003
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 9:39am
Good morning

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:38am

This is how I feel. I'm gay and I walk alone. I guess it is apart of the game, right? I'm a fool. Stupid fool. :(

GREEN DAY LYRICS

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's (changed due to TOS) messed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:59am

Become a CL and you will never walk alone.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 11:07am
((((((((((RJ)))))))) Whats going on Hon?..
E-mail me..
((((((Hugs))))))"CAT"
(((((((((((

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:11pm

Rj

We have a lot in common. Come fair weather I'm going to a soccer field to practice. If you were close we could kick the ball around some. :) Usually the field is empty so I can roll down the windows on my car and blast my stereo while I work out. I concentrate on my ball handling skills, sprints, drink lots of water and chill out in the back with my music.

Perhaps there are other women that have similar interests as you. I found a girls football league towarsd the end of summer. It was fun watching them play.

chin up! Are you suffering from cabin fever?

halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 7:11am

I'm suffering from small city fever.

It seems like my sexuality always gets in the way of everything. Like for example, a couple of years back, I had developed a close friendship with a heterosexual woman. I wasn't attracted to her. We were just friends. Well, I tried to keep my sexuality a secret. But, the friendship became so dear that I didn't want to lie. She was okay with it, but her husband became angry. He wouldn't let me see her again. Ever again. I miss her friendship.

I visit the local gay church and it is all couples. There's not any way that I know of to meet another woman besides going to a smokey, nasty bar located in the bad side of town, which I really don't want to do. For crying outloud, I'm sleeping with a bird! My life has become this constant work, work, work, school, school, school. I don't have a life. What if after I graduate, I can't find a decent job? I'm stuck going to that gay church with all the couples? I came here and found some really nice women. But, they are getting a life and leaving. I'm stuck here. I just feel like hanging myself.

Well, I've got to go. I had better get ready for work, work, work. I thought last night that perhaps I should visit the local Presbyterian church on Sunday. I guess if all fails, I could make some friends, but this time when questions arise, just lie. I hate lying, but what else can you do?

rj

p.s.- thanks for the chin up. I love football. I wish I had a local women's football league where I live.

rj

Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 11:18am

I'm with you on the finding people. I'm not meeting any women here. The one's I do meet at the local bar are nice, but, not my type. I'm on a whole different level. I sit and listen to their conversations and think sheesh. I'm not one to sit around and talk gossip, or get involved with petty arguments. So, when I go out I say hi to everyone and pretty much stand alone the rest of the evening.

I found the woman of my dreams at Planet Out. Gosh, she's so perfect. She's smart, highly motivated, career oriented....and most important, she has a heart of gold. I've met someone not intimidated by my drive to succeed. I'm not intimidated by her drive either. We just can't be together as partners, which sucks because I know I love her, and I can't stop this internal connection with her. I feel her in me...it's so hard to explain. I would take a bullet for her. So, were friends now, and I miss her because we don't see each other and we don't talk much anymore.

I'm constantly trying to improve my life, and have a hard time keeping a relationship. Seems every one that I've been with, has had some hang up about their abilities, and no matter how loving I am and supportive of them, they run. Jo felt like I didn't need her. When I did need her, she wasn't there for me. My mom died and she was off partying with her friend whom she left me for two month's later.

Jen, had control issues, and wasn't happy with herself or the way she treated the kids and I. I loved her for everything she was, and everything she wasn't. It was like living in the perfect storm. I enjoyed not knowing what she was going to be like when she came home, and I brought stability into her life because I knew how to roll with the punches. She wasn't happy with who she was.

Aside from the woman of my dreams, I now have three friends that keep in constant contact with me in this town. I went out with two of them on dates and we became friends. The other one, well she's the one Jen left me for. She had no idea what she was getting into. She apologized after they broke up, and we've been friends since. She said "I went for the wrong one".

Like you, I went to the local unitarian Church and found the same thing....couples. Nothing happening there..:( The best thing was posting on Planet out. I screen who contacts me, and I send messages to others just to see what comes up. Had an interesting message that intrigued me the other day. I'm waiting for a response from the girl. I thought what she said was so romantic. It's fun getting messages.

Of course I'm enjoying the boards here tremendously. It's great to talk with people who value their lives, relationships, and families. The support mechanism here just can't be beat.

I want so bad to be with someone, yet I won't settle for just anyone. Sure I could find someone and take them home anytime I want. I just don't want. I'm not one to fall in love at first sight, nor am I highly attracted to most women. That, I think makes it harder for me to find someone. I want to feel the attraction and yes would like to lust for someone. I'm just not seeing it. My friends say that my eyes are closed. I don't think so myself. I'm looking, it's just not there. Sounds like you might be like me on this?

Do you plan on staying in that small city forever? If I could move, I would, there's a bigger world out there. I want to settle down in a city filled with gay people. That's my dream. Yet, with people who are friendly and not rude because you say hi to them and their partner. That I can never understand. We are all on the same team. When I see a couple out in Richmond, I might as well forget saying hi to them. No wonder they live in isolated worlds? When they lose their partner, they come out looking, they hook up with someone, then go back to the way they were. Jen and I never had friends. I hated that. When she broke up with me, I was alone here and had no one to turn to for support. I don't know how I made it through what happened.

I do have straight friends. I don't have to worry about lying to them. They never ask. I train a marathon runner whom I 've become close to. She was married and developed a crush on me. I don't bring straight women out. So, I don't own any toasters. lol I encouraged her to stay with her husband of 30 years. She enjoyed my stories about why I like being with a woman versus a man. I'm just not attracted to her sexually. Nice person, everyone says she looks like Jamie Lee Curtis! She does, and I must say, I've done a nice job developing that gorgeous body she now has. She gets hit on daily.

I really don't think she's a lesbian? I could be wrong. But, she's very high maintenance, and probably would make a nice lipstick lesbian. I'm just not attracted to that. I felt bad when I let her down...I still think I did the right thing for her. She needs to finish the divorce, and learn to live with herself. She needs to find out who she is, before looking for a relationship. It's been six month's now and she's doing great. Much more happier person, more confident, and making it on her own. I enjoy the stories, like "I fixed the lawn mower, do you believe that"? She's going through an empowering stage. If we had become involved she would have been dependent on me to do those things her husband did for her. If she is a lesbian, the right woman will find her, just not me.

I'm not sure about the bird thing. Don't know if you read many of the posts, but, I sleep with a wabbit! :)......Not the same as the real thing, but, what's a woman to do. Oh, yeah funny, I went to the local store and got my marathon friend a small dainty vibrator. New discovery for her. Her husband didn't believe in such things. Can you imagine that?!

She was somewhat embarrased yet accepted the gift graciously. I recieved a thankful phone call later that night. Woo hoo! lol Enough rambling. Just know that I care about the place you are in, and I know everyone here would agree with me on that issue!

Hang in there....hugs
halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 3:13pm
Bumping up



Lisa ~ Assistant Community Moderator

iVillage Health & Well-Being

Lisa ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 8:52am
bump

every great journey begins with one step

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