A Question For Laurie...

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
A Question For Laurie...
73
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:17pm

Hi Laurie,

I had a question for you. I think I'm just needing some hopeful news lol! My GF told me a few days ago, after we had a bit of a heated argument, that her libido was back. I don't know how long it's been that it's been back; I was so shocked that I didn't ask. And nothing has really changed as far as our intimacy. I was curious as to how things were going for you and yours since you shared your good news a while back.

Hope that's not prying into your business, but I guess I'm trying to keep despair at bay.

Thanks Laurie and I DO hope things are going fabulously for you and your GF now.

Lafaye

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 3:23pm

"And she does not. And sometimes it seems like her nether regions (didn't know any other tactful way to put it) has conspired to drive me mad by becoming "awake" as she calls it at the most inopportune times".

Been following the discussion. I could just cry reading about your situation. Wish I had a partner like you; the stick with it kind like me. This girls giving you good reason to leave.

Since you are willing to stick the relationship out, here is my two cents. The above passage hit an interesting note for me. My ex was like this. She would get excited at the most inappropriate times. I would excuse myself, and let her have at it. Quietly of course. One time she attacked me in the shower at the gym I worked at. I'm not a very risque type of person; I was scared someone would open the curtain and I would get fired! But that was her, she could care less.

If we were at the home, or company was over, I'd pop in a movie and say here listen to this, or read this, I've got to go do something or find something I want to show you, and I'll be right back! If the kids were around, I would find something for the kids to do to distract them. We had these short moments of pleasure, they seemed to pump her up, and when we could spend more time with each other, the sex was great. Perhaps finding and meeting her half way can kick it into gear, and leave her wanting more later? I know I sure got excited being in her arms.

I'm not a sex counselor, but, I think some people get turned on in these situations? Perhaps when she sees you interacting with other people, she feels over whelmed and greatly attracted to you at that very moment in time. At least you know she still lusts after you? I used to love watching my ex talk with other people and I enjoyed watching her from a distance. To me it was a turn on and I couldn't wait to get her home. Do you go out much and hang out around other couples?

I'm not sure if this fits your situation, but, it might be worth a try. Perhaps you can even initiate the attraction by dropping hints, which would give you some control over the situation. Ie, play it up, act sexy in a subtle way that catches only her attention. Sneak off, fall all over her lustfully, and go back to what you were doing.

hope this helps you some?

halo

hugs

halo

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 3:57pm

Hi Halo,

Thanks for replying. Yes, my GF is very much the voyeur; she gets turned on by many visual things. Most of those things just don't work anymore, even the one thing I KNOW used to make her crazy for me. I don't know if she gets turned on watching me interact with people or not, she's never mentioned it and we're sort of reclused. We don't have any friends. There is a couple that she speaks to on the phone but they never come over. Her family comes over for a few minutes every once in a while. We don't interact much. Our schedules are so crazy she's night and I'm days we never have time for each other honestly. So that situation I'm unsure of.

She doesn't really let me know at all how attractive she finds me anymore. She never looks at me unless she does it on the sly. So I truly don't know how she sees me these days.

I'm like that with her and I tell her so. There are certain things about her that makes my stomach quiver just to look at. She's a very attractive woman and she has that butch cockiness that just makes me crazy sometimes lol...

I've tried subtlety: the fall on her and lay a kiss on her to knock her eyeballs around then quietly go about what I'm doing. Through out the day, doing these things. By the end of the day I'm the one on fire and she's the one engrossed in a television show. Needless to say, I stopped doing that because it was getting to much for me to handle.

In her mind Halo, and this is honestly how it comes across to me: If she feels the urge, let's get it on. Doesn't matter what's going on, or who's here. Her mom's even been here during one of those times. I'm sorry but no, I'm willing to accommodate, but that is just too much. It is no different than being in the house and knowing my parents are having sex. I'd have to go lol...I'd be happy for them, but I'd have to jet seriously.

I've done the put the tape in and distract my son thing and grabbed her hand and into the bedroom we went only to get after a few minutes, sorry this isn't working for me from her.

It only works when she wants it. And I can't get it across to her that she is NOT the only person in this house that has needs. We used to be so in sync.

But back then it was a little easier to get away with the spur of the moments. My son was much younger. Now he's older and I have to be careful. I have a situation with my Ex husb. where it doesn't take much of anything for that man to want to haul me back into court. He's already tried to take him from me on the basis that I'm gay and living in immoral environment and that I was exposing my son to an abnormal situation. That was a battle. And even though now I know he doesn't have leg to stand on all my son would have to do is go back and say, I saw mommy and my GF laying on the bed naked, or however his little mind would comprehend it. And there I go again fighting for my rights.

And sometimes I wonder how she doesn't stop to think of this. Yes, I could lock the doors or whatever but it still takes TWO PEOPLE to make love.

Or at least be willing to. So, believe me Halo I've tried everything, including "surprising" her with the libido enhancer after we'd discussed it and she said she'd be open to trying it. All I got when it came was, oh, so what we have isn't enough? DUH!!!

NO!

So, I'm truly at a loss. I've done everything from plan elaborate evenings, simple evenings, sexy lingerie, for us both, massage treatments for us. I even gave her the fantasy (one of many that I've done)that she wanted but was always too shy to do. I danced for her. Nothing. LOL...she enjoyed it, loved it. I doubt she even remembers it now.

So, I'm truly just at a loss.

I'll try it again though. It's been a while...maybe it'll spark something. I still believe in miracles.

I DO!
I DO!
I DO!

Thanks Halo

Hugs,

Lafaye

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:30pm

Man that sucks big time.... Good luck trying to turn that around! Sounds like she wants a live in room mate and that's it?

Personnally, I don't watch much television. I'm not one for laying around and doing nothing, unless of course if I'm in a beautiful woman's arms. Then it's popcorn and laughter. I stay away from things that stress me out. Life is too difficult as it is and I want to stay positive and focused. She's settled into a habit, one that's going to be hard to break for you.

Sorry,
halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:39pm

**I'm just not in the mood. I don't even want to get in the mood, I'm not in the mood to be in the mood. LOL**

Exactly Sandra.. Thanks for posting that..
It's not Laurie's fault and it's not Sheila's either..

((((Hugs)))))"CAT"

(((((((((((

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:45pm
Like when my son is here and up and about, or when friends are over, or when family is here. She will actually take me in a room when they're here and try to get it on and I'm like have you lost your MIND???????

We can't have sex NOW!!!! But she doesn't see it like that.

HI Lafaye.. Sorry you and your


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:51pm

Hey Cat, how are you? I was thinking of you today, I was going to send you an email. Anyway, I just thought I'd say, "hi!" My business training classes have started up again. I haven't really been able to come around and share too much. But I do read a lot, about what's going on here, in this wonderful cyber room.

Well, I'll probably be sending you an email, sometime soon.

Hugs!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 9:53pm

When I went through my "I don't want to have sex" spell, Jen said it was ok because she didn't want me to have sex with her just for her. But, my spell only lasted a couple weeks. I made love to her anyway, because I knew she needed that, and never told her I wasn't in the mood. Once she told me if she ever found out I was faking it she would be very upset - so I didn't tell.


Try to keep it in mind that it's not your fault and its not personal. It's got to be a chemical/hormonal thing. I "snapped out of it", and fear it's return at any moment. There's no explaining why women like me get that way. I wish I had wiser words for you.

Hi Sandra Hon.. Not a


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 10:02pm

My GF does not even try. She really doesn't. She just tells me she doesn't feel like it, or if I ask her to let me make love to her, she says I don't know, or something like it. It is always some kind of rejection but she expects to receive the affection (just affection) she needs. It's an extreme imbalance and I can't deal with it. I feel bitter, resentful, and angry. And I don't know what else to do to help her understand. I understand hers; which is why in the beginning I didn't bother her about it and it really did not bother me because in the back of my mind I thought, she'll at least try, we'll try...together. I had no worries. Now, it's just a torturous hell that becomes more unbearable with each passing day. That on top of other issues and I feel like doomsday is right around the corner.


She doesn't make love to me because I need it. She truly does not see that our lives now revolve completely around her and her needs. And I resent her for it. It just doesn't seem right. I try to be understanding, undemanding, patient, kind about all this. It's becoming more and more difficult.
But, I can only wait now and see what happens. Thank you for sharing and replying Sandra.


HI again Lafaye.. Sorry about taking parts of your post and posting like this but figure it's the part I want to address..
You yes. are going to end up disliking her very much and... her you..
You two need to seek outside help perhaps or call it quits if this keeps up..
You are not matched any more it seems..
I am thinking almost knowing,


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 10:06pm

If I was doing to Jen what your partner is doing to you - I would want her to leave me.


No one should be that miserable. Sometimes emotional love isn't enough - the physical part is critical, IMO.

Hi Sandra..


You have a

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 10:09pm

>>>>>I may get people upset with me out here (hope not)but I feel for the partners that are going through *have no feelings* ....Seems all the High Libidos are getting their share of understandings so...<<<<

Well, I'm not upset with you, Cat. Believe it or not, when I was in a relationship, there were times that I actually wasn't interested in sex. Surprise! Sometimes, I was too tired after work, or I had just had an argument with my mom on the phone, and I didn't want to use my girlfriend, at the time. So, I basically dealt with my feelings in a different way. Sometimes, I would get depressed and just shut down, and just stayed away from her. And when I say stay away from her that meant, no hugging, no kissing, no affection of any kind. But, eventually, I would stop my sexual fasting and just enjoy myself, with her. Or, if she wasn't in the mood, I just relieved myself. Which, of course, started off a whole row of arguments between the two of us.

But, after a while, after we both calmed down, we started talking and the emotional, and sexual healing eventually took place.

Well, I thought I would share that.

Thanks, and hugs again! LOL!

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

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