Is this normal?
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Is this normal?
| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 11:01pm |
OK, as most of you know I am a "new lesbian". For those of you who don't here's a short summary:
I had my first girlfriend at 17 yrs old. She left me. My sister came out to my parents around that time and they disowned her, so I went back to guys for fear of being disowned too. I had one

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Wow Sandra, you've got a lot going on.
Scarlett
my blog
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, lol! You are what you are. A lesbian. Women that aren't lesbians don't talk about, look at, and desire women, or in your case, a specific woman. That's what makes them straight and that's what makes your daughter straight, also. I have very few men friends, and I respect them. They know what I am, and they respect that. I can't hate a man, because I have an older brother, a nephew, and other male cousins, and a step father. And I love them all.
You're only going through what every mom goes through, no man is good enough for her daughter, that's normal. When my daughter (and you can email me on this)was a little girl, I looked at her mom and said, "What if she is a lesbian?" Her mom, gave me a nasty look! But, I'm pretty sure, that if that's what she is, that she is loved and cared for. I'm not going to play counselor, but think of these things, not all men are rude, ignorant or nasty, just the few. Some were raised the way that they are today, and that's just it. I've felt the very same way, but I've come to realize, that men are men, and they're not all that bad. What about the gay men of the world? I find them very sweet, funny, loveable and kind. And sometimes they will turn out to be your best friend.
Only you can figure out why your attracted to Jen's "masculinity". Only a lesbian femme can answer that question, because, I'm masculine, and I don't think I'm very objectionable. My sweetie, is attracted to me because, I've sent her my picture and from what I understand, she finds me attractive, tattoos, light mustache and all.
I hope that helps just a bit.
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Scarlett,
I am so happy you came back! I am sorry I haven't said much when you post but I hate to advise on serious stuff because my head is a mess. I hope things with you and Ashley get worked out soon, however the outcome. It stinks to be in limbo.
You know, you are right about all the lost years. Sometimes I am jealous that Jen accepted herself for who she is at such a young age. I wasted so many years being someone I wasn't. I loved my husband, he is a good person. He was my friend, but I was never sexually attracted to him. I just did what I was "supposed" to do.
Maybe my disgust with men stems from that - my own regrets and stupidity. I can never get those years back. I know it's not "men's " fault. Hopefully this feeling I have towards them will go away.
Thanks for the reply!
Sandr
Thanks Gigi, it helps alot. You are right. I guess that no one will ever be good enough for Leanne. If she came home tomorrow and told me she was a lesbian I would be so relieved!
Gay men, I love them! They don't hit on me, or flirt with me. They are kind in an innocent way. I never feel creepy around them like I do other men. They like ME, not my breasts. I need to meet and hang with more gay men.
Thanks for your support, as usual!
smooches my friend!
Sandr
I have to believe that 19 years, having sex with a man, when the attraction was not there and you just were doing it out of obligation has to have some sort of an affect on you. Maybe you feel like you cheated yourself because being with men were considered the normal and right thing to do. I think you have a resentment towards men because you felt you had to be with them to be accepted when the whole time you were not being true to yourself.
Like you said, you can't bring those years back.
As for your daughter, I think that is kind of normal. And it might be part of your resentment that you gave 19 years of your life to man sex! LOL.
Oh btw, Sheila feels how you do towards men. They pretty much make her sick. I have a lot of straight guy friends and she hates it when they do things around the house for us.
She will have to get more butch if she does not want us to have some men help out sometimes. But I'd rather she stays the way she is. The guys are my friends and they do not expect anything in return. I always feed them or we go have dinner out. Sometimes I do other favors for them like family photos or teach them things on the computer etc.
It's better than crawling around on the roof or cutting limbs out of trees, or laying new flooring which I can never cut the corners right.
Hugs friend,
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
I am glad to hear Sheila has no tolerance for men either. I would rather shingle my entire roof in 100 degree weather than call a man.
Jen & I put together a basketball goal today, as men drove by and slowed a little to see what we were doing all I could think was "keep driving buddy" we had it covered.
I am sure I am resentful, but I do know it was my choice, and I did what I felt was right at the time. I think it was to Leanne's benefit so I really don't regret it. I just missed out on so much I think.
If I quit looking back and focus on the present and future - I am sure I would feel much better. But I would probably still not care for men....
I was thinking about Gigi's comment about loving her nephews as well as other men in her life - I love my nephew too, little men don't bother me. But as for my Dad and my brother - I love them BUT I do not like to have conversations with them. I don't like how they think and never ask their opinions on anything.
Here's a good example: when my brother was told about Jen and I he asked me about it (my sister told him) and he said "I think you are doing something you shouldn't be doing" this is coming from a man that will be 50 this year and his current girlfriend is 23 or 26, can't remember which. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
Sandr
Hey Sandra,
I agree with everyone here that is probably just part of the process for you and that definately when it comes to your DD, No man will be good enough.
My feelings on men vary alot.
*hugs
To each her own Sandra.
Kim
Check out my
I'll have to agree on Dr. Suess on this one- I mean Dr. S. LOL (gotta pick on Kim a bit) As long as this isn't interfering with your life, it is probably simply preferences. I know some heterosexual women that wouldn't want to discuss their sex life. I guess you are surrounded by those who are more open.
There are good men and bad men as well as good women and bad women. Just don't go around letting your guard down just because it is a woman. To me there's nothing worse than a bad woman. A mean woman can rip you a good one.
I'll tell you a story. It has just popped into my mind. It happened to me a couple of years ago. It has left me not so trusting of people. Sort of on the same topic...sort of.
My husband and I had just separated. I had made a couple of friends at work. One of them was a man in his late 50's. I thought of him as a father figure. I had told him that many times. He knew I was gay. He and another guy helped me move. Actually, the other guy was a delivery man who made daily deliveries at the warehouse. He was interested in me. After helping me move, he asked me out. Of course, I said no. I bought him a 6 pack and said, "Thanks for moving me." The late 50's guy who I thought of as a father was Earl. During my move, he and I were alone alot. I had gotten accustomed to him and felt comfortable in his presence.
Three months or so after I moved, Earl called me up one Saturday and asked if he could come over. I saw nothing wrong with that. He came over and we went out to eat. When we came back to the apartment, I noticed he followed me in with a WalMart bag. I wondered what was in it. He sat down on the sofa which was sitting across from me. He pulled out this blonde wig from the bag and put it on his head. I was shocked. Before I could ask him what he was doing, he said, "I know you like women, but if I tried to look like one, would you be interested in me?"
I freaked! I have never had anything like that to happen to me. He grabbed me and tried force himself on me. I fought back and ran for the door. I was able to go outside. I yelled back into the apartment (which was a duplex apartment)- "You get the blank out of here or my next door neighbor is calling the police."
Do you know what he told me later about his actions later on? He said, "I thought you were playing hard to get. You don't look gay." He never said he was sorry.
This is why I'm not crazy about being "out" to everyone. You have some people (men and women) who have a distorted perception of reality.
rj
rj
Franco Harris of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 197
See! Men are dis - gus - ting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a flippin freak, that is the most horrifying story I have ever heard.
Sandr
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