??Husbands and Girlfriends??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
??Husbands and Girlfriends??
5
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 11:50am

Hi, I just wanted to get some feedback and see what others have been through. I have been lurking here for,...gosh about 8 months or so....anyway, I made a friend I REALLY like and..well...I am married, so my DH knows about her as just my friend and he is NOT happy about her at all.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 12:41pm

OH Lea, I am sorry - that man hater post was me and now I feel bad. I hope I didn't sway you in one direction or another because this has to be your decision.


OK, give your husband all the info he wants in case he needs to reach you and go visit your friend. Does he have a reason to suspect your feelings for her are more than just feelings of friendship? You should probably spend some time experiencing how the "other half " lives before you run out on your marriage. That could backfire on you and make you miserable.


You may be lonely because your husband is away, you may be bored with your current situation, you might be bi, you might be curious....who knows why we do what we do. Just consider everything before you make a major decisions.


You know Lea, if you go to your friend, you will probably have a fantastic time. If you even return home at all, lol, think things through. Are you prepared to support yourself, so you have the education/skills you need? This is your life, don't take it too lightly and don't make decisions based on emotions alone.


Hugs,


Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 1:39pm

Yes he has reason to suspect, although I have not done anything but admit we flirted we each other, he is giving me the worst time, saying I am a bad mom, and on and on crap.....he dislikes gay/lesbian people with a passion, so I have NEVER told him how I felt about her.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 2:03pm

Hi

I'm not sure I can offer you great words of wisdom or advice . . . That being said, I have been where you are now. I was married for 6yrs and have two children. Like you I married and had children because it was what was expected. I never stopped to think that some of the issues I had in my relationships could be anything other than something wrong with me. By issues, obviously I mean in the sack, it was OK, not earth shattering blah blah blah. I had been restless and unhappy in my "perfect" marriage, for about 2yrs and again felt that it was my own fault and I should make the best of it. I met someone who made me feel loved, wanted, appreciated, without sounding totally cheezy she made me feel the way I had always thought I should feel in a relationship. Like you I wondered if I was just curious, lonely (stbx is a firefighter and works shifts, inaddition to 2nd job)was this some weird fling thing??? Long story short, figured if I tried it and it was gross "it" would be over, I'd have a great friend and my marriage needed work.

Anyway it wasn't gross, although given what's transpired since, I sometimes wish it had been. I'm not sure about your situation but, thank god I have some decent job skills. My ex came home drunk, kicked in the door, shoved me around, I slapped him across the face. He called the cops, lied to them about shoving me around, and I admitted slapping him. I was arrested that night and haven't been home since. I retrieved my clothes and computer, (I'm do computer consulting)and have had to start over while the lawyers sort it out. I was a stay at home mom, who worked part-time, I'm well educated, cooked, cleaned, sewed and canned. Suzy homemaker. The reason I'm telling you all this is because you need to think long and hard about whether or not you want out, how are you going to go about it, how will you support your children, (it's been 5mths and I still haven't gotten any childsupport).

I don't condone cheating in a marriage, it was the most guilt wrenching thing I ever did, and I only did it the one time a week before I left. That being said, if you are very uncertain, if your conscience can take it, try it, if it's not for you, you know for sure, but it's on your conscience. But, you haven't wrecked you marriage for a maybe, although if he finds out, it will likely be over anyway. Sounds to me like you marriage has some issues outside of this, you ex sounds controlling. Mine sure was.

Sorry for the novel/couch session. Just though that sharing my story might help give you some insight into the "big picture" beyond the sweaty palms and pounding heart we experience when we're with "the one". My big rant being over, things are hell where my ex is concerned, but my girl is amazing she supports me, loves me, puts up with me, and understands me fears where my children are concerned.

Good Luck, happy thoughts your way.

Sorry for the totally self absorbed nature of this post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:13pm

Dear Lea,


I am recently divorced from my husband of ten years.

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 9:48pm

I am speechless, really. each one of us has seperate stories, but yet they sound so alike.