Femme to Butch...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Femme to Butch...
15
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 8:16pm

Ok, this is going to sound like an odd question, but did anyone here transition from being very feminine to a little more butch as you were coming out? Or do you know anyone who did? I ask because I was a total girly-girl when I was younger. Dressed the part, hair/make-up, acrylic nails, didn't know a gas cap from a tire, couldn't play a sport if my life depended on it, etc. As I got older, I changed a bit (gave up the acrylic nails and got more comfortable in jeans, although I still love skirts), but for the most part I still look rather feminine. (And I still know nothing about sports, cars, etc.) However, my girlfriend has been teasing me (in a nice way) that ever since I realized & embraced being a lesbian, I have started moving into a more "dyke" look. I rarely wear make-up anymore (unless I have an event that calls for it), my nails are short, I tend to wear more casual clothing, I cut my hair (not short, but it's definitely shorter than it's been in years), I have it in my head that I'm getting my first tattoo before I turn 40, and so on. I suppose I am kinda having fun with it a bit (it's just too tempting to push it in my stbx's face when he's being a donkey)...but I don't think I'll ever take on a total butch look. It's just not my personal style. I do enjoy that look on others, though. ;o) Could it be a phase? Did anyone else lean a little more toward a butch look when they first came out? If so, did you (or someone you know) eventually shift back to a more femme look? I know my girlfriend will love and accept me regardless, but I think she's a wee bit nervous that she's losing that girly-girl she fell in love with in the first place.

Jules

Jules

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 8:52pm
That's a very interesting question. I can relate to alot of what you were saying about being a "girly-girl". In my late teens through early twenties, I was always getting my hair done, my nails done, going to the tanning bed, and I had a certain way I applied my eye makeup to get that femme-fatal look that I loved. I still do that occasionally, but not as often. Like you, I reserve the makeup and glitter and heels for special occasions. Maybe it's just me getting older and not really caring about how many heads I turn anymore. It's easier to put on a pair of jeans and a tee (and still turn a few heads *g*). I'll never be labeled a butch by any means, but I'm definitely not the froo-froo girl I was ;^).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 9:01pm

When I first began dealing with my sexuality, I was a feminine woman. I did the usual stuff-make up and lipstick. I did it because it was how I was raised and taught. After my divorce, I tried to change myself. I knew that I was attracted to women who were feminine. I had the preconceived notion that I must be masculine. So, I tried to be like a man. It was very funny actually. I was hit on more by guys during this transition period. I finally decided that I couldn't be a man. LOL So, I now am just myself. If that isn't good enough, then I guess I'll be single the rest of my life. Actually, it must not be good enough because I've stayed single. LOL But, being me is what makes me happy. Being me must not be what turns lesbians on though. hehe

bug

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 9:03pm

Hey Jules,

I've always been fem, and I know I always will be. I love the froo froo stuff too much lol. But I have my days when I'm not in preppie mode where I'll throw on some jeans, a tee, with a pullover, some hiking boots and just roll with it. Hat on and everything. I'll never look butch, but there are days when I just don't want to look fem.

I'm a fem for life though lol!

Hugs,

L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:01pm

awesome question Jules


To be honest it doesnt really apply to me, I am a true Butch in the sense that I have never been into anything remotely froo froo

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:41pm

Jules,


I loved this post.

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 10:04pm

Oh you made me laugh! "Recovering Straight Woman" -- LOLOLOL!!! That is what I am!! And, like you, I really LOVE being a lesbian. I love feeling comfortable in my own skin instead of trying to fit into someone else's mold.

Jules

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:34am
Hi Jules..
Just as I borderline

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 9:59am

"as a recovering straight woman"


ROFL! I love that, Scarlett!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 10:14am


i can relate... I cut my hair and stopped wearing makeup. my hair went from middle of my back to shaved in the back... It could have been either/or. Now it is long again but I go back and forth all the time depending on my mood. In my DL pic, I look like a boy and everyone looks at it then at me then back again. I have always been a tomboy.

http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=985760290205&page=1&sort_order=0

Here are short and long hair photos... the first is my son's 2nd birthday, 7 days before Brandi and I got married. Mandi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:01pm

I could have written the same post, Jules. I went from being pretty much a girly-girl to being more subdued in my look and dress. That didn't happen because I discovered I was gay. It happened when I gained a lot of self-confidence and started acknowleding the real Ting that was fighting to come out to the world. The old Ting was dressing more feminine to fit a stereotype, and then I quit caring about that.

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