Femme to Butch...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Femme to Butch...
15
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 8:16pm

Ok, this is going to sound like an odd question, but did anyone here transition from being very feminine to a little more butch as you were coming out? Or do you know anyone who did? I ask because I was a total girly-girl when I was younger. Dressed the part, hair/make-up, acrylic nails, didn't know a gas cap from a tire, couldn't play a sport if my life depended on it, etc. As I got older, I changed a bit (gave up the acrylic nails and got more comfortable in jeans, although I still love skirts), but for the most part I still look rather feminine. (And I still know nothing about sports, cars, etc.) However, my girlfriend has been teasing me (in a nice way) that ever since I realized & embraced being a lesbian, I have started moving into a more "dyke" look. I rarely wear make-up anymore (unless I have an event that calls for it), my nails are short, I tend to wear more casual clothing, I cut my hair (not short, but it's definitely shorter than it's been in years), I have it in my head that I'm getting my first tattoo before I turn 40, and so on. I suppose I am kinda having fun with it a bit (it's just too tempting to push it in my stbx's face when he's being a donkey)...but I don't think I'll ever take on a total butch look. It's just not my personal style. I do enjoy that look on others, though. ;o) Could it be a phase? Did anyone else lean a little more toward a butch look when they first came out? If so, did you (or someone you know) eventually shift back to a more femme look? I know my girlfriend will love and accept me regardless, but I think she's a wee bit nervous that she's losing that girly-girl she fell in love with in the first place.

Jules

Jules

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 9:46pm
and you my dear are most beautiful off all....

 *Hugs ~  Caly

aka  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 12:53am

Ting,


I did a little changing too. I LOVED Scarlett's definition "a recovering straight woman" I'm using that line for sure!


I think maybe we did what we thought men wanted us to do. Or more than that, maybe we did what other straight women did to fit the part. I dress how I want to now, and I wear makeup when I feel like it. I look and feel better than I ever did in my life.


You will never see me in a floral print , but I do have a black leather jacket!


Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 4:46am
Your post took me back to when I came out. I was a total girly-girl. I remained a girly-girl until I met someone who was more on the masculine side and always got jealous or mad when I put make up on. She would ask, "who's that for?" I would say, "Me". Then I got tired of the inquisitions and started to "butch out a bit." I did not feel comfortable looking that way though and went back to femme.
I know a lot of people who did sort of get more butch looking as they came out. Maybe they just wanted to be like that but felt they had to look girly. I think you will know when you feel most comfortable.
I just do not feel comfortable going out without make up on. Sometimes I let my nails slide but then I get tired of them loking bad.
You'll know, don't sweat it. Do what feels natural and comfortable to you.
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 7:11pm

Oh, I can relate to your post, Ting. I think that although I have always loved being very feminine, part of it was feeling the need to look like people wanted (or at least how I thought they wanted). And, like you, my girlfriend taught me (and continues to teach me) that it is who I am on the inside that makes me beautiful. Not the dresses, the makeup, the styled hair, etc. This whole acceptance of myself...inside and out...has been a gradual process. I don't think I will ever give up makeup entirely (there are always occasions when I just like to feel more pretty), and I will never give up dresses and skirts totally (I love them too much), but I do the femme thing for me now instead of for others. And I love being able to change my look depending upon my mood -- skirts one day...jeans & leather the next!

Jules

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 8:24am

My first g/f really helped me in who I am. I always heard how she was attracked to "the sporty types", and she kept showing me pictures of girls, and I finally got it!!

 

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