Not the best of days..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Not the best of days..
19
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 8:14am

Hi all,


Just wanted to apologize if Im not up to being 'chipper' today...


Last night just really took it all out of me... thank you all for the hugs in

*hugs             

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:13am
((((((((((Caly)))))))))) I love you, Sweetheart...you deserve all the happiness in the world.

Ting
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 12:23pm
{{{ Caly }}}

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 1:00pm

I had a feeling before I even clicked the link that this was related to your mother. My goodness Caly! From reading your post on the other board, I would say that your mother beat you up emotionally for 40 minutes and then you took up where she left off. You need to be your own best friend. Don't join in with your mother in putting yourself down. You know what I do in situations similar to this? I arm myself with my own ammunition to fight with. If your mom says things like I'll call the cops...come back at her with why if she did it wouldn't do her a bit of good.

Mothers can be tough. My mom is very strong willed herself. But, I'm not going to let her determine my destiny. I refuse to. The way I refuse it is by making my own way. She offered to pay for my schooling. I turned her down. Why? Because, if she would have paid for my schooling, then she would be telling me why I couldn't be gay. I don't want her controlling me. So, in your case, come up with a game plan on how to handle your mom. I've got a feeling that she's going to do this again to you. Next time, don't let her bring you down so low.

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Thanks for sharing. I hope you get to feeling much better!

bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:16pm


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Caly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.

Caly, I understand what you're going through when it comes down to your mom. Just like bug, I didn't have to read the link to know what's going on with you. I have dealt with my mom's anger at me for years. I didn't do anything to her, it mainly stems from her anger at my dad. See, she has told me for as long as I can remember, that I'm just like him in some respects. Everytime I did something right she never really gave me a pat on the back. I've had to work hard at getting a compliment from her. She has verbally, physically, emotionally, and mentally abused me through out my preteen and teenage years.

I've always had a problem with believing that I can do things and be successful. I have always sought her approval, and it was very seldom that she gave it. She would always ask, "Don't you know if you've done things the right way" or I have always expressed how I felt about something, only to be told that I shouldn't feel that way. Or, I'm doing something wrong, or some other type of controlling attitude. I have learned, for myself, that I can control my life, and I don't need anyone's approval. I have learned that I must have some self-esteem, and believe in myself, even if no one else believes in me.

I have also learned that I must live my life the way that I see fit, I can't live my life the way my mom wants me to. I simply refuse, now, like I refused in the past, to allow my mom, or anyone else to control my life and it's outcome. I have to benefit from the good choices and deal with the consequences of my wrong choices. All I know is that I, alone, made them. I've never hurt anyone, by my choices, at least not directly. I can understand my mom's natural fear of wanting me to be safe and ok, but I told her a long time ago, that I must live my life, or I will go nuts. I really do love my mom, and I forgive her for the wrong she has done to me, and sometimes I have to talk to other's about it, but that's all I can do. The both of us are very strong willed and we're both very opinionated, and sometimes we "bump" heads. I will always be there for her and I know she will always be there for me. I will never desert my mother, no matter who comes into my life. My former girlfriends(wherever they may be, and if you asked them, they will tell you), I have gone through so many emotional changes, and unfortunately, they got just a bit of it.

All mom's know how to get to their children, they know what buttons to push and what will hurt us the most. Unless they themselves get help, then they will end up sad, angry and hateful. But, at the same time, they really do want us to be happy and live our lives, that's how mom's are. I'm pretty sure, you love Jordan and want the best for him, and you have done all that you can, and will continue to do for him. Just keep up the good work on what you're doing and you will succeed.

Hold on and go live your life, but don't hate your mom, believe it or not, she really does want you to do good for yourself.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Caly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 


Hugs,


Sebastian


 


http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:22pm

Oh (((((((((Caly)))))))))

I am so sorry you had that run in with your mom. You know, what you and your son's father choose for your son is really none of her business. Does your son think you're abandoning him? Does your ex think you're abandoning him? I seriously doubt it. So, who cares what your mom says? There are two parents making decisions about their child...a child that you obviously feel is capable of taking on this responsibility...a child that has been assured there is an open door should he ever decide he wants to live with you. And if this new schedule does not work out, then you & your ex will rethink having someone look out for him after school, or you'll make other arrangements. But again, that will be between you, your ex, and your son. Your mother's attitude is uncalled for and helps no one. Shame on her. Do not let her beat up on you, and please don't beat up on yourself as well. Know that you are not selfish or careless. You are certainly not the worst mother in the world!! *You* wouldn't call and berate your child for 40 minutes, I'll bet. You love your son...don't forget that and be swayed by someone else's mean words.

Take care! Sending big (((hugs))) your way!

Jules

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:24pm

Thank you ALL so very much.


You will never know how much your replies meant to me.

*hugs             

Avatar for cooledbyair
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:24pm
hey caly???
just my two cents here,but the ex works at ibm?so he doesn't live in a bad neighborhood??
I am not a mother but I see no problem with any of this....
I mean he has had the choice to go with you.....
I was left alone after school and such maybe a lot of us were.....
you know your son...no offense your mom,his grandmother doesn't know him as you do....let her be upset....I have a problem with my father and can't expect you to take my attitude but don't let her get you down...YOU DESERVE A LIFE!!!!
your son is your world but well you will still she him....as for the foster deal????she can no way PROVE you are both unfit parents.....let her stew.....I just well,my family had to deal with me being gay or not...it was not going to make me be less gay...you have found Ms.Right......keep your chin up girl.......best of luck...Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:38pm

Thanks Jo

*hugs             

Avatar for cooledbyair
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 8:24pm
no problem bug,I was reading the posts(I never read them first,shame one me,lol)
I agree with bug....thank god my mom is not like that at all......everyone is welcome here,she's everyone's friend,everyone's grandmother,everyone's mother...if she does not like someone she lets me know but it doesn't depend on their sexuality....we are all here for you,even if we don't have kids but I really DO NOT think this about your son deep down for her.I think it's more about you...she can't deal with it yet,just ask her not to call until she stops lashing out...I am sorry you are dealing this...hugs again,Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:30pm

Caly, don't let her get you down. This can be very postive for your son. Teach him a great responsibilty, kids need that these days. My son just turned 14, and also has to get himself up and off to school alone. I can not say it has been easy, but he does a great job. try to have your son stay in the activities he is now involved with, he will grow from this. As long as he knows you love him, he will shine!!


Sending you lots of (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) and support, you are a beautiful person!!


Lea

 

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