nervous about coming out to more family

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
nervous about coming out to more family
11
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:50pm

Where is that *nervous* icon?

I have family (aunts, uncles, cousins) in NY/NJ and have been invited to my cousin's wife's baby shower in April. These family members know I am going through a divorce, but I haven't told them yet that I am a lesbian. I was thinking of letting them in on it while I'm there for the baby shower...well, not *at* the shower, but during that weekend. :0) I am nervous driving out there on my own, as I tend to get lost very easily. Heck, I've gotten lost in my home town a number of times, I'm embarrassed to say. But I told my aunt that I would try because I want to see everyone. Well, that was all well & good...but then I got this email tonight. My aunt suggested that I have my "friend" drive me to the shower...joked that she didn't even need to bring a gift. See, this past summer, my g/f drove me to NJ for a family BBQ -- she was heading out that way to visit her brother anyway, and so my family all met her then. I thought they were all in the dark, but now I'm wondering if they suspect the truth. I would love for her to come along with me, but now I'm terribly nervous. What if I bring her and tell them I am a lesbian, and they freak out because they had no clue?! I don't think they'd really freak out -- they are all so cool and nice and caring -- but gosh, I just feel so nervous. I would love to have my g/f with me when I tell them, but I think she'd be nervous about that. Oh, I don't know what to do now. I know I'm rambling. Sorry. I'm just so darn nervous about this! Ack!

Jules :o)

Jules

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 10:27pm

Just a little add on...I spoke to my girlfriend and she said she would go with me, but she thinks I should call my aunt first and let her know about us. She (g/f) wants to make sure my family will still want her if they know the truth. Guess I need to make a phone call. I am very nervous.

Jules

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:43pm
Jules.. Why come out to them?... Just go, You and your g/f.. Just be yourselves respectfully of course.. I mean if you were not ..whats the word? Gay.... Haa.. And you were ..what's the word?

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 12:25pm

You can tell your family when you are ready. I was very nervous when I first told my older sister. She could see the fear in my face when I approached her about it. After my spiel, she said, "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me that you had committed a crime."

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 7:01pm
I agree with what the others have said so far. Take your gf, have a good time, and if someone decides to question your relationship, be honest. It seems that you have a supportive family behind you, so that's a good sign. You never know, they may already suspect it which

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 7:05am
Wow Jules, that would make me downright sick with nerves. I am with Cat. Why announce it?
But if you want it to be known then hold your head up and be proud of who you are.
I am proud of you for coming out. It is a big step. Not everyone accepts it right away or ever. Just go into it knowing that there might be mixed reactions and if they already know then hey, bonus!
I hope all goes well and I hope you will keep us posted.
Hugs,
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:51pm

Jules,


So sorry I didn't reply to this sooner, I have been away for a little while.


I think I found some really good advice for you:


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."


I got that from your profile, lol!


Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 2:04pm
Laurie

My web pages
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html http://hometown.aol.com/didoangst/myhomepage/photo.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 5:01pm

Oh boy Sandra! You got me there! LOL! And you are right. Sometimes it's hard to listen to our own advice, isn't it? I think I am going to call my aunt and chat with her prior to the baby shower. I think she already suspects and although I do feel a little nervous about the conversation, I also think it's what I need to do. I have spent way too many years playing a part that didn't fit me. I am ready to be me, and the people in my life are just going to have to accept me as I am.

Thanks

Jules

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 6:40pm
Jules I think the timing might be wrong to "announce" your big news (and it will be news to some}, this is kind of someone elses time to be the focus. I do think you should take your friend and if the topic arises then deal with it. Just my thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 7:19pm

Oh, I totally agree on that note! That was the reason, in fact, that my girlfriend suggested I talk to my aunt *now* instead of waiting until April when we're there at the shower. That day belongs to my cousin's wife...and I would never want to take the spotlight from her at all. (I know how that feels since a cousin of my stbx chose our wedding reception to announce to the whole family that she was expecting her first child.) I think part of the point of letting my aunt in on the situation ahead of time is so that by the time we arrive, it is "old news" so to speak. And I can also get a feel on whether she thinks it would make her daughter-in-law uncomfortable to have us there. Thank you for your honest feedback. I appreciate it.

Jules

Jules

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