Seriously Disturbed original Post
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| Fri, 02-04-2005 - 1:37am |
discussion title:
Seriously Disturbed
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message #:
8363.1
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sandralea33 Member Icon
date:
11:21 pm
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I have been reading through posts here tonight and I found myself feeling very sad. I am not quite sure what I am going to say in this post yet - or how to say this without making anyone mad or defensive. As you read it, just remember I am in the same boat and not judging anyone or critisizing anyone as I did the same thing.
Sadie, Laurie, let's test your CL skills.....LOL! Sorry to do this to ya girls I just feel like I should say something.
I feel very guilty. I am seriously disturbed when I read posts about divorce and celebration. I am sure I did the same thing, well, I'm not sure but if someone wants to look back and check I had to cover my backside. Anyway, many of us here are recently divorced - most if not all of us have one or more children involved. Most of us left behind heartbroken husbands. My family was ripped apart and all I can say is whoo hooo I am a lesbian!
That seems wrong.
I know we can't all sit around feeling bad all the time. But it seems disrespectful to our kids, and our ex husbands to celebrate our new lives while they are left wondering what the heck happened. My daughter will never be the same since my divorce, my coming out, and all that goes with it. Should I be cheering about that? I feel a little selfish. Luckily, I didn't lose much time with my daughter in the divorce, she only goes with her Dad a couple hours a week and that's not regular. But Thanksgiving was hard, and Christmas was hard. Her life is hard because of me.
No, I wasn't happy in my marriage all the time - but it was stable, and secure and predictable - things kids need. Why did we take that from our kids? Couldn't we have waited, sacrificed for them? Shouldn't they be #1? Didn't we all look at them they day they were born and promise to give them the best life possible?
OK, I am rambling. I guess my point is that I feel like I am part of something that I don't like. How can we all celebrate our sexuality while our children cry themselves to sleep at night. If you think they don't, and they wouldn't put their life back how it was you are in denial. Someone help me out here.
Sandra

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Thank you Scarlett, I am glad you said how you feel. I think sometimes we all need to get things off our chest.
You know, I know all of our kids would have been going through hard times either way - but sometimes I feel so bad about my choices. My ex was cheating on me with a woman that has always been a lesbian - she wants kids and I can't have kids. My ex obviously wants kids of his own (he adopted my daughter) and I was positively horrified when I found all of this out. I didn't have the option to stay in my marriage - he ended it. I found comfort in Jen - that is where I may have made a mistake. Jen is great - but I have not grieved the loss of my marriage and life I am used to. I was not ready for a new relationship. I was lonely, she was there and trying to get close to me - I caved in a moment of weakness and now our lives are so mixed together there is no un-doing it. That was the chioce I made that hurt my daughter. To change things now would hurt Jen, my daughter is already hurt and finally healing so I am sure it would mess her up a little more. I would be alone, grieving the loss of now 2 important people.
Its a lose lose situation, and I have no idea why I just got into all this, I wasn't going to talk about it. ugh!
Sandr
Hugs,
C >^. A .
{{{{{{{{{{Sadie}}}}}}}}}} I really can't say I know what you're going through, but I do hope that you are healing gradually as time goes by.
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Sandra, I know that you have probably been going through a lot of emotional ups and downs, but please hold on and go through what you need to go through. As I've said to Sadie, I don't know what you're going through as far as a husband is concerend, but all I can do is give you a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{Sandra}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}, and let you know that you're going to be alright, just stay here and let us comfort you and hold you. Let Jen be there for you, and be there for Leanne when she needs you. You have my email addy, so if you want to "talk" that's fine with me.
I hope you're feeling better.
Hugs!
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
I am a little slow posting, as I tend to think about things a bit before I say anything, as I have gotten myself in trouble a many time for speaking what is on my mind. This post really was an eye opener and made me think I am in the wrong place, I am still married. My DH is away and no one could understood how happy I was when he was getting ready to leave, and people still find it hard as to how I go through each day, how can we be apart for so long??
Awwww Lea {{{{{{{{{Lea}}}}}}}}. Please don't separate yourself from us, we love you and want you to stay here. Believe me, you can go on without him, and you will find the strength to do so, when the time comes for you to stand on your own two feet, you will do so.
Please don't let your husband control your every move. I know that we have talked when everyone has left chat (of course, a few weeks ago), and I know that you will be able to stand on your own and be strong. All you have to do is believe in yourself, and hang on.
Also, remember that you have the law on your side, because all he is doing is mentally abusing you, and that's not alowed in this country, at least not anymore. So, hold on.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lea}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}.
Hugs,
Sebastian
http://www.facebook.com/sebastianbruce
Thank you for sharing a bit of your experience. You have been through so much. I am sorry. I had no idea.....
((((((((((((((Cat))))))))))))))))
Sandra
Sandr
(((((((((((((((((Gigi)))))))))))))))))
Sandra
Sandr
"This post really was an eye opener and made me think I am in the wrong place, I am still married."
Lea, this board is for everyone, don't leave it because you are married to a man. You still need support, and this is a great place to get it. I am sorry if I said anything that made you feel like you were in the wrong place.
Sandra
Sandr
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