Update, Sheila and I....
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Update, Sheila and I....
| Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:24am |
As most of you now know, Sheila and I are having some serious relationship problems.
Eight years is a long time together to grow and care for each other.
We are seriously going to work on our relationship and hope to get back on track.
My feelings for someone on this board have brought us to a point in our relationship where we need to work through this or move on.
I do not mean by running into the arms of this other person, but by the fact that I never thought I could feel like this for someone else when I was in love with Sheila, or at least if things were right and when they were, I never could have room in my heart to feel like this for anyone else.
In most ways Sheila and I are a perfect fit. As far as intimacy goes we are lacking. And I for one need intimacy in a relationship.
We are working on things and talking with my counselor and we have always been in love so we have a good chance here.
This is not anyones fault, feelings just happen. I have been honest with both parties involved. Sheila is fully aware of what is happening and is doing everything in her power to hold on to this relationship. I feel that I can not just throw 8 years of us away.
Both Sheila and I and Halo and I have spent many nights talking and crying and trying to figure this whole thing out.
Halo and I will continue a friendship with Sheila's blessings and Sheila and I will work on our relationship with counseling etc.
It seem that there is no matter what, someone will be hurt in all of this.
I have been so sick with hurt and worry and guilt and crying. I need to make this decision to work on my relationship and not just continue in a hovering pattern.
I know that halo is hurting right now too. It tears my heart out to see her in pain and it rips my heart out to see Sheila in pain.
We have agreed to work on a solution to everything starting right away.
I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts for all three of us.
Thank you and sorry to have put you all in such shock. I have never seen the board so silent as it seemed that people were uncomfortable with a certain post between halo and I. For which I appoligize, things have been just coming to a major head.
I was tired of lying to the board and Sheila and myself on this matter.
We will get through this. I am confident of that.
I love you all and I am sorry to put you into a position of not knowing what to say as this affects 2 board members. We do not expect anyone to choose sides, but rather to pray or wish positive thoughts that we can work through this with the best positive outcome.
Sheila and I have a good relationship and communicate very well. I am a very lucky woman. She is standing by and being supportive and loving through it all. I am smart enough to know this does not happen very often.
Halo is doing the same.
Even though it is painful for the 3 of us we are handling it like adults and for this I am grateful.
Sorry if I have caused any problems for anyone here.
Eight years is a long time together to grow and care for each other.
We are seriously going to work on our relationship and hope to get back on track.
My feelings for someone on this board have brought us to a point in our relationship where we need to work through this or move on.
I do not mean by running into the arms of this other person, but by the fact that I never thought I could feel like this for someone else when I was in love with Sheila, or at least if things were right and when they were, I never could have room in my heart to feel like this for anyone else.
In most ways Sheila and I are a perfect fit. As far as intimacy goes we are lacking. And I for one need intimacy in a relationship.
We are working on things and talking with my counselor and we have always been in love so we have a good chance here.
This is not anyones fault, feelings just happen. I have been honest with both parties involved. Sheila is fully aware of what is happening and is doing everything in her power to hold on to this relationship. I feel that I can not just throw 8 years of us away.
Both Sheila and I and Halo and I have spent many nights talking and crying and trying to figure this whole thing out.
Halo and I will continue a friendship with Sheila's blessings and Sheila and I will work on our relationship with counseling etc.
It seem that there is no matter what, someone will be hurt in all of this.
I have been so sick with hurt and worry and guilt and crying. I need to make this decision to work on my relationship and not just continue in a hovering pattern.
I know that halo is hurting right now too. It tears my heart out to see her in pain and it rips my heart out to see Sheila in pain.
We have agreed to work on a solution to everything starting right away.
I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts for all three of us.
Thank you and sorry to have put you all in such shock. I have never seen the board so silent as it seemed that people were uncomfortable with a certain post between halo and I. For which I appoligize, things have been just coming to a major head.
I was tired of lying to the board and Sheila and myself on this matter.
We will get through this. I am confident of that.
I love you all and I am sorry to put you into a position of not knowing what to say as this affects 2 board members. We do not expect anyone to choose sides, but rather to pray or wish positive thoughts that we can work through this with the best positive outcome.
Sheila and I have a good relationship and communicate very well. I am a very lucky woman. She is standing by and being supportive and loving through it all. I am smart enough to know this does not happen very often.
Halo is doing the same.
Even though it is painful for the 3 of us we are handling it like adults and for this I am grateful.
Sorry if I have caused any problems for anyone here.
Hugs,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/

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Oh my word Laurie! I had no idea...Hugs to all three of you; how difficult this must be. I truly wish the best outcome for all of you.
Hugs hun....I hope it all works out for you.
L.
Thank you. Yes it has been hard for all 3 of us.
It is still hard. I guess it will be for awhile.
Sorry that we put everyone in shock. Did not think about that.
Just needed to stop talking in code and come clean to the board.
So we can post what we need to. Did not mean to upset people here.
Thanks for posting.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@aol.com
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
I may get people upset with me.. But Laurie you know I am one to speak what I feel and to tell people that
C >^. A .
Hi Laurie,
I seemed to have lost your email address and am not able to email you through your profile, can you send it to me at imnlove22@yahoo.com please?
Thanks! Hugs, Sandra
Sandr
I do feel that I do deserve to explain some things and yes I did bring it out to the board. It was actually Sheila's idea to do so, because she felt you guys would tell it like it is. She also wants me to post things for her too. I read the board to her alot and she likes that. She is just not one to sit at the computer and type.
Halo and I started talking out of friendship. We grew up back in Youngstown at the same time and have people and places in commo, that is why we started to talk. We never thought it would turn in to this. It was not meant to. When she told me who her dad was and that he has passed away recently, I found out that I knew her Dad for most of my childhood and so did my parents. She and I worked together as teenagers. We have been stationed in the same places. We just had so many commonalities to talk about.
It was these curiosities that were the reasons we were talking. Sheila was here most times while we talked.
Sheila did know when we were talking in the late hours. I sat right here where she could hear every word. This did not start out to be what it has turned into.
Part of my fault was in denying what was happening with my feelings. I did not want this to happen. Neither did halo. I guess I should have put a check on my feelings way back, but I was to busy denying them to myself out of guilt. So, I continued the calls and e-mails and IM's.
Lee, your words to me have really cut through to my soul, mostly because I know you have spoken the truth. I know this is all my fault. I knew from one of your short posts to me earlier that you were not happy with me and I don't expect you to be.
I know I was wrong, I am trying to do the right thing. I am sorry that I have bummed you out. I am sorry that I have hurt Sheila and yes Halo.
I don't think I have ever cried so much in my whole life Lee. I even felt guilt on the board, like I was decieving people here.
I am also dealing with this in my group who are much like you in not mincing their words. That is why I talk with them.
I am not making any excuese or trying to justify this.
How can I show you that this is not Halo's fault. That she is a wonderful person who is hurting as well and knowing that I belong to someone else. She has respected my relationship by saying that she would never be the other woman. We never wanted to go off and cheat. She knew that I do not cheat when I am in a relationship. I had to tell Sheila because I did feel like I was cheating in my heart. Sheila said that she new and was waiting for me to tell her. She and I promised each other from the beginning that if something like this ever did happen that we would talk about it together. Before acting on it.
My counselor is working with Sheila and I.
Halo and I have no more Phone contact and keep most everything on the board now.
We both need to be able to post. She is hurting and she was not looking for this.
This was not supposed to happen. I do feel awful for this whole mess. I hate that I have hurt two people and I hate what I have done to Sheila.
Sheila and I are working on our relationship. I am doing what she is asking of me.
Lee, Sheila and I are soulmates, there is no question, we are also best friends. We can share everything and always do. We believe getting through this would mean we can get through anything. She say's she knows I will not leave her because of what we have together. We are adding more structure to our lives that we have not had for awhile.
For three years I have believed that she was no longer IN LOVE with me.
I have told her that many times in the last three years, she did not want to talk about it.
I don't mean that as an excuse for what I have done, but we have had some problems and I have posted them.
The other sad thing is, it took this to make her want to work on things that have made me not happy with our relationship for the past three years.
I am not cheating on Sheila and I am not having an affair. I do respect my relationship and Sheila. That is why it had to come out and be dealt with.
I am no expert in how to handle this Lee, It has never happened to me before. So I don't have any experience.
Yes, I know the flirting between us was no more than what it was. I would even share with Sheila, it was fun and sometimes funny and it meant no disrespect.
No I will not throw away my relationship like this.
But halo is hurting and she has no partner to cry with or hold her. Right or wrong Lee, Lesli/halo has a heart and feelings too. I hope that you would understand that.
We will continue our friendship in a more distant way. But no, I will not end that. She will always be a special person in my life and I will stand by that.
What we won't do is talk about our deep feelings or encourage those feelings through secret talk.
Lee, you know that you mean alot to me and that I respect you very much.
I hope that you can one day find it in your heart to forgive me for all of this.
I also hope that you can forgive Lesli.
I don't know what else to do or what to say.
Lee, I take everything you said and feel I deserve to hear it.
Please don't let this ruin or friendship that we have so far.
I am sorry,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@aol.com
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Maybe I do not really know this board, I thought it was a place we could come to say what we needed to say. Why is everyone afraid to post.
I know I was wrong. We stopped when we came out of denial about our feelings and where they are going. I had to tell Sheila, we made some promises in the beginning of our relationship.
I do not think this will destroy what Sheila and I have and she doesn't believe it either.
I knew when we met that I would be able to spend the rest of my life with her.
I do not know or understand how, I can be inlove with Sheila and then be having these feelings for someone else.
I never knew or thought that it could happen. The thing is we have not taken things over the top. I went to Sheila before things got out of hand and Lesli and I agreed that things were not right and I would work on my relationship.
I know that I have upset people here but I can not live in a lie, I just cannot.
That is why I told sheila when lesli and I realized our feelings.
I just don't understand how it could happen.
The fact is, yes we have developed these feelings for each other but the other fact is we are not acting on them.
I could never cheat and Lesli could never be the other woman.
I am not leaving Sheila. We are working on this relationship.
I do not expect Lesli to put her life on hold or anything like that.
I am so sorry for this mess. I am glad though to know where I stand with you and Cat.
I do not know why everyone is so worried about posting to me.
You know me Lori. I am open with everything. I have posted everything on this board and in our emails. I guess I can't blame you for questioning me and that does hurt. I do understand though.
My life is an open book here. Because I feel like I have a place to say what I want or need too. I am not perfect or all that great but I am not the worst person either.
I am guessing I have opened my self on this board more than anyone.
I know that I cannot please everyone and to try would be insane.
I hope I can please some and well, the others have other people to please them.
I wish I could be that perfect person, I really do, but the truth is I have my weaknesses. I am not afraid to share them incase there might be other's feeling alone in a situation. Maybe they will find that they are not alone and life can go one with what you have.
Lori, I am sorry for dissappointing you. I hope that one day, you can forgive me and find some respect for me again.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@aol.com
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie, Shiela and Lesli
And Yes I feel totally comfortable grouping you all together because this IS about the 3 of You, and yes I feel bad that all 3 of you are hurting.
But it never has been, nor ever will be my place to judge anyone, at this board, or even in Life for that matter.
aka
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@aol.com
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Hey Laurie,
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