Update, Sheila and I....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Update, Sheila and I....
29
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:24am
As most of you now know, Sheila and I are having some serious relationship problems.
Eight years is a long time together to grow and care for each other.
We are seriously going to work on our relationship and hope to get back on track.
My feelings for someone on this board have brought us to a point in our relationship where we need to work through this or move on.
I do not mean by running into the arms of this other person, but by the fact that I never thought I could feel like this for someone else when I was in love with Sheila, or at least if things were right and when they were, I never could have room in my heart to feel like this for anyone else.
In most ways Sheila and I are a perfect fit. As far as intimacy goes we are lacking. And I for one need intimacy in a relationship.
We are working on things and talking with my counselor and we have always been in love so we have a good chance here.
This is not anyones fault, feelings just happen. I have been honest with both parties involved. Sheila is fully aware of what is happening and is doing everything in her power to hold on to this relationship. I feel that I can not just throw 8 years of us away.
Both Sheila and I and Halo and I have spent many nights talking and crying and trying to figure this whole thing out.
Halo and I will continue a friendship with Sheila's blessings and Sheila and I will work on our relationship with counseling etc.
It seem that there is no matter what, someone will be hurt in all of this.
I have been so sick with hurt and worry and guilt and crying. I need to make this decision to work on my relationship and not just continue in a hovering pattern.
I know that halo is hurting right now too. It tears my heart out to see her in pain and it rips my heart out to see Sheila in pain.
We have agreed to work on a solution to everything starting right away.
I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts for all three of us.
Thank you and sorry to have put you all in such shock. I have never seen the board so silent as it seemed that people were uncomfortable with a certain post between halo and I. For which I appoligize, things have been just coming to a major head.
I was tired of lying to the board and Sheila and myself on this matter.
We will get through this. I am confident of that.
I love you all and I am sorry to put you into a position of not knowing what to say as this affects 2 board members. We do not expect anyone to choose sides, but rather to pray or wish positive thoughts that we can work through this with the best positive outcome.
Sheila and I have a good relationship and communicate very well. I am a very lucky woman. She is standing by and being supportive and loving through it all. I am smart enough to know this does not happen very often.
Halo is doing the same.
Even though it is painful for the 3 of us we are handling it like adults and for this I am grateful.
Sorry if I have caused any problems for anyone here.
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2002
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:51am

Hi Halo,


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 8:55pm

((((((((((Laurie hon))))))))) You do not need forgiveness from me.. Neither does Halo...
I am still your friend Laurie.. Thats what friends that care do.. They express their feelings and try to tell their friends when they feel they are going down a path that can cause them so much sadness and hurt..
I have made many wrong choices in life Laurie.. You know of some..
I was just expressing how I felt about you and Sheila's relationship and how it was yes, bumming me out fearing the worse for you both..
I have seen some of my friends in RL


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:13pm

((((((((Halo))))))))) You may not care if I am posting here to you, why should you I suppose..
I just want you to know Hon I am not against you or feel you are a bad person.. I have found so far through my chats with you and on posts that you are a nice person.. I am sure if Laurie sees all she sees and feels about you then you have to be, because I value Laurie's insight for that..
I am sorry that you are hurting.. Being in your spot is not easy, I am sure.. Matter of fact.. I know.. I have been the "one" at a time in my life(actually more than once)


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:16pm
Sandra.. I sent it...
(((Hugs)))

((((Hugs))))


 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:27am
Lee,
I know you enough to know why you post as you do. I did not feel upset with you. I was upset that you were dissappointed but I new you would be.
You know me enough to know that you can say it like it is or as you see it.
I appreciate the honesty and you know that.
Never feel that you cannot post what you need to say, especially to me.
luv you lee,
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:44pm

To all who have posted to this thread...

I'm not sure exactly what I want to say....so I have been silent and have sat and watched this thing play out.

Most of you don't know me, that is true, so a small bio is due here:

First, I was a lesbian and had only two lovers when I was in high and college. Do you all remember the song torn between two lovers? Well my first heart break was after making love to me, my lover heard this song on the radio, only in her case it was torn between three. :) Unbelieveable. The second, went to bed w all my best friends and I kept forgiving them and her because I loved her so much... Both left me for other women, and I was so hurt, that when I joined the military, I decided to go straight. I went through hell and tolerated my ex for 12 years and was always thinking things would get better....no matter what I said to him, he was stuck on him. Life was a bad roller coaster ride. He would only show affection for me in two or three week spurts and would go back to the samo samo. Yes I loved him, but I finally had enough. We all have been there.

A minister prayed over me for peace and I decided to leave him, and be who I am today. I have had two relationships since that day....Both were the wrong people for me...The first was too young, and had problems identifying with the responsibility of living with children. The second, well, let's say a friend always asks if I heard from Satan. Both left me for other women.....

I have never left anyone, except my ex husband.....so I know what pain there is in that. I'm not going to jump on the band wagon for Sheila. Yes I feel bad for what's happening....and I too want to be honest about my feelings here.

We all have been in relationships where parts of the puzzle were missing....and yet none of you ultimately settled for the missing pieces. If you had, then you would still be stuck in those marriages and relationships today....Yes some tolerated there environments more than others and yeah for those of us who fight to the end....but, the end does come.

Laurie is the only one here that is going to get hurt worse than anyone....she has been posting about her relationship for some time, and everyone has been encouraging her to stick with it. She is in the middle of Sheila and I. Sheila has no concern for me, so her heart isn't breaking like Lauries is. Nor is mine.... Laurie has taken her heart for three years and hid it in a closet for so long, waiting for and TOLERATING her circumstances with Sheila. Three years of not feeling like she was loved. Sheila, like all our ex's, has had the opportunity to work with Laurie on their relationship. Relationships are a constant changing environment, and we all know they take work from both sides. When one side ignores the other side, then things will change even faster. I consider her lucky to have such a beautiful woman in her life. Laurie is putting her love for me aside, and giving them a chance. I want you all to know that I have never asked her to leave her relationship.

Laurie and I fell in love pure and simple. It happened while you sleeping. It happend between the lines of this board. In every message that we posted back and forth we felt that love growing, that aching desire to hear from each other, and never knew for sure what was happening. I would run home and see if she had posted to me. When I first came on board, I saw her pic and thought OMG what a beautiful woman. I never thought anything more about that because she was with someone. It never dawned on me that she would find herself being attracted to me. But, the words and feelings grew within us, and we still had not mentioned anything to each other. We kept silent. Then at chat, we both lingered and waited for responses to each other, our hearts beating with desire and melting when we hit send and saw the words appear on the screen. She waited for me to say good bye to her, and I waited to hear her say good bye to me....it was agony, and when it popped on the screen, a smile went across my face....as did hers.

We posted back and forth and we finally decided to use Aim....to this point we never knew what the other was feeling.....We started out with general chatting, and I sat trembling not knowing that she was trembling too. Then finally, she spoke of missing me when I left chat, and I pondered whether I should speak what was in my heart....with fingers trembling, my heart beat jumped up a scale and I decided to reciprocate that same emotion to her. I can't describe to you what happened next. It was like someone opened a flood gate from our heart and souls and the words flew across the page.....our desire for each other exploded like hot air filling a helium balloon, only the helium kept flowing and the balloon bursted just like our hearts did.

Love happened, and Laurie and I have been so happy with each other. Anyone could have stumbled onto Lauries heart, for three years it's been yearning to feel love. She could have bumped into me at a coffee shop, or met me at the VA hospital......and the funny thing about us, is our past misses. Love happened to us, when there are over 285, million Americans on line, not to mention the millions in the world. Fate.....a higher power, whatever can explain this phenomenon. We have mail, and it's titled love.

I'm not going to stop loving her, and I will not regret it. My heart is breaking in two, and I have felt the wrath of words like daggers stabbing into my heart when I read them. You must know only one thing from me, ALL I Care About IS Laurie. That is why I have not responded to any of your messages here. I want her to be happy no matter what her decision. That is the most important thing right now. I'm asking for those of you who claim to be her friend, to support her and love her no matter what she decides. Her heart is so torn right now, because she had to choose....She's risking losing the love in her heart for me, and is living with the doubt of Sheila's true intentions. I want her to be happy and loved, that's all.....her honesty is beyond reproach here, and the rest of what I want to say is TOS.

Hopefully, this is helping some of you understand the big picture, not sure...I hope in time that we all can learn about each other. Just know this, I Love her so much it hurts.........

halo

We all know that feeling......I praise her for who she is.

I have nothing but the utmost respect and love for her and her inner character.

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:17pm

Halo,

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:32pm
Thank you kacey. We are all just trying to get through this as I am sure you know.
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 11:41pm

Thank you Kacey for your kind words and offered friendship. I didn't really know what was appropriate this week and it was tough watching the post's. Especially the one's to Laurie.
Duty and honor prevailed this week, cuz I so wanted to take out my sword and come to her rescue officer style. But, judgement being the better part of valor, I waited. I let Laurie read the post to make sure I offended no one. Some of the original message, I removed and had to write TOS.....I wanted her approval, and I wanted to bring no further harm to her. Out of love and respect for her, I followed her wishes. Oh, one more thing, yes this does hurt.

Thanks again for your offer,

Love as well,
halo

hugs

halo

Pages