To Moms (step-Mom)with live-in partener

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
To Moms (step-Mom)with live-in partener
6
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:18am

I am considering a relationship with a wonderful woman, we

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:44am

Stephanie,


I am in a comitted relationship that has turned into a temporary LDR.

Carol,  In love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:54am

My .02?

Id hold off on bringing her around your kids until you are sure of what is happening between the two of you. *Sidenote to add: Id say the same thing to a straight person in the same situation. Your job is to keep your children's lives as stable and calm as possible. I really dont suggest introducing them to everyone you date or consider being in a relationship with until you are POSITIVE its going to be serious and a positive influence in their lives. If they dont even know about you being gay or 'questioning', you have alot of work to do yet. You cant just shock them with this new thing.

Since you say that you havent even been intimate with her, that suggests to me its a new relationship - take your time getting to know her. Find a babysitter, go out w/ her and see where its going before you have to address a new situation to your kids.

I agree, there shouldnt be any shame in your feelings for another woman, but concern for your children and their well being should come first and foremost.

My partner has a 6 year old son that lives with us and has never even seen her be with men in any capacity - meaning, all he's known is that she has always been with women, and STILL - children can have an 'interesting' time handling that all the same. Not what HE thinks about it per se, but how different looking OUR family unit is compared to the other kids at school.

At any rate, tread carefully and good luck to you all.

-Alisha

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 10:25am
Hi Stef,
Nice to see you back and posting. I would go out with her and see where it is going before even mentioning anything to the kids.
I would do the babysitter thing and spend quality time with her. Just like anyone who is dating.
Keep us posted and it is good to see you settling in here.
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 10:58am

Hi!


I have to agree with everyone about not getting the kids too involved with this woman until you know its a long term thing (Meaning more then just a casual date now and then)

 *Hugs ~  Caly

aka  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 11:06am

Stephanie,

For me it was pretty easy because my daughter was 15 when I told her. She had been exposed to other gay or lesbian couples throughout her life because my older sister is a lesbian. She was suprised, but not mad or embarrassed. Now, when she found out WHO I was seeing - that was a very different story. A long one too, I think I will skip that part. LOL

You know your kids better than anyone, you need to handle them each differently probably. I wouldn't say anything at all until you are serious with someone. Even then, I don't think I would say anything, until they started asking questions.

There is a gay and Lesbian parenting board here at ivillage, you could also ask this question over there, just for more opinions if you are still interested.

Hugs, Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:07pm

Stephanie, here is the link to the message board sandra mentioned for gay and lesbian parents


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psgaylesbian


They will also be glad to answer your questions. I host the chats every Sunday evening, 9pm EST. One of our boardies mentioned having a topical chat about "comming out" to children (not just our own, but nieces, nephews, etc). I think this is a wonderful idea, and would like to set up this discussion next Sunday (2/20).


I agree with the others on waiting to introduce anyone of romantic interest to the children. Definitely explore things with this woman, see where it goes. If you get the green light, then we'll be here to help you through it girlie!