A humble Hello,
Find a Conversation
A humble Hello,
| Thu, 02-17-2005 - 9:58am |
Good Morning Ladies, I know its been awhile inbetween post!!! Some changes to the board has happened since my last post, a few new peaple I have not had the pleasure of meeting......please forgive my absence. I have been going through some life changing, mind setting, hurtful, painful, ............well lets say at the ripe old age of 45, I have been finding my true self, and well, the 'old me' is not worth her weight in salt!!!! No ome can make heads or tails out of this post, and that is okay, I just want some where to post, how very much I have hurt Lori. the women of my life, and how I am so greatful. honered, so in awwwww of the wonderfull women from Maine, it boggles the mind. For past reasons, I cant even begin to explain........I tented to lie, about anything and everything ( NOT MY LOVE FOR LORI, FOR THAT IS THE ONLY PURE THING IN MY LIFE) My past has cost me sooooo much. But this is not a poor me post. This is a ' I am sorry baby, I am sooooooo sorry, for all the hurt, for all the wondering. My life started the day I met you, I was just to stupid to relize that you could love me the way I am. and now almost 3 years later, mot only do you still love me, but you stand behind me while I pick up the peices of my own self climb down-hill.I thank you baby, and althoug we are not on our way to Maine today, but instead waiting for a 'moon-showing' cable guy, I want the whole board to know, I messed up, and thanks for handing me the trash can, so I can clean up, forever, your Sandy

Pages
I am happy for the two of you.
I now you love each other very much and I could feel it in your words and Sandy's words.
I know with your degree you know so much about abuse and it's affect on people.
I am sure Sandy can find the fire inside of that little girl from long ago who had to shut down to protect herself.
She had to learn how to shut down to survive. So it is probably a reaction for you Sandy and not an action. From what I know in my own therapy it is a part of the brain that is trained to protect you. You have to train it again. That cannot happen overnight and it is okay. It is good to talk about it and acknowledge when it is happening and to recognize the triggers in your life now that cause you to feel you need this protection.
You are a sweet person and this is a sad thing that comes with abuse. I have learned that it is not something that you need to appoligize for or feel the need to protect other's from. It is something that we have to acknowledge, recognize and work through.
Don't expect to be perfect and never feel you have failed when it happens.
This is not something that you can control until you work and work on it. It is very hard and it is not your fault. You were hurt at such a young and vulnerable time in your life and this is normal for people like us. My therapist said she would think it more unusual if it did not affect us. So, know that it is okay to let someone love you and treat you as you deserve to be treated. You are lucky to have Lori to be there for you and to understand you. I understand you too as I am sure other's here do.
I want you to know that you are worthy of good things and love, and caring.
And I also want to thank you for being brave enough to post about this.
I look forward to seeing the two of you more often.
I hope you are having a good day and wish the two of you a wonderful weekend.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@aol.com
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Pages