Having A Moment....
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| Fri, 02-18-2005 - 7:40am |
Hi everyone,
It's well after anyone's bedtime and here I sit, listening to my GF snore, feeling more lonely than I've felt in a long time. I feel so disconnected and discontented right now. I guess I'm just reaching out; I know you ladies are out there...somewhere. It helps to not feel quite so alone.
I keep wishing you know, that things will get better for us. Our relationship, our home life. I keep wondering when it all went south. Why it seems to keep persistently traveling down a road that seems as if it has no end, a road that is going to end...nowhere. I keep having these memories of times that were so good. And now it's so sad. I hate my life. I really feel that way right now. Nothing seems to be going right. I can't fix it no matter how hard I try and even though I know there are some things that I cannot fix, I try anyway. My heart dictates it so, and yet, it is all for naught.
I am just having a bad moment. Was sick for two weeks and I'm still trying to recover. My boss is grumbling at me because of it and I don't know if I'll have a job if I can't kick this soon.
Sorry ladies. Not expecting anyone to join my solo pity party here. I just needed to reach out.
Hopefully the dawn will bring a more positive light for me.
Hugs all,
L.
Edited 2/18/2005 8:06 am ET ET by lafaye_ak

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Sorry to hear that youre having such a rough go of it all.
I can imagine how it must feel for you to worry about losing your job due to your being sick. Hopefully that wont happen, but if it does - you'll be okay. Do you think you might want to start looking around at the ads to see if there are any open positions and stuff?
As for your partner, sounds like there's alot going on right now. Have you talked to her about it? Also, you made a comment 'As for the sex, I gave up on that a long time ago' - Why?
See, myself - I dont believe in settling with regards to any aspect of my life. If Im going to be in a committed relationship with someone, it has to give me what I want AND need, and if it doesnt - Id speak to the person about it. And if it didnt change, then Id leave because Im a huge believer in not wasting my time. Why be in a place that doesnt make you happy? Youre just sitting there HOPING for change, when change has to be made. Change takes work. And if two people arent working for change..well, Im sure you know the rest.
Good luck with that. Hopefully you can talk to your partner and figure out whats going on.
-Alisha
Lafaye,
I feel for you girl. I'm no expert when it comes to matters of the heart these days. I'm just as sad as you are right now. I'm sorry I can offer no assistance to you, only love and friendship. So, I thought I would just step in right now and sit beside you in the silence arm in arm. I'm not feeling well either, and sometimes misery loves company. ;)
I'm not sure what's right or wrong these days. I just know that happy lies in the heart waiting to be discovered. It doesn't stay tucked away forever; like a flower it has to bloom. When you love someone so much that it hurts, and your asked to tuck it away, it's like asking someone not to breathe.
For today, we just need to pray for a little peace of heaven, that the illness goes away and we can begin to function with more clarity. Rest your head on my shoulder and I will do the same on yours.....hugs..
halo
hugs
halo
Hi Lafaye,
(((((( L ))))))
I don't have any
Robin
**Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**
Sending you lots of healing angels and (((Hugs))), Lafaye. I hope things with Chris, your health, and your job will take a turn for the better very soon.
Lesli honey I just love you! You have become such a comfort to me, your words ring with something that I rarely see. Thank you my friend. I was hoping you'd post as I know you know how I'd feel exactly. I know you are sad too my dear. You've been in my thoughts for a while now. Know that you too can rest your head on my shoulder, we'll link arms and sit in companionable silence as only two hearts that feel the same pain can do.
You've been wonderful. Thank you! I love this: "Happy lies in the heart waiting to be discovered." Sometimes that's how I feel. Like I'm on this precipice just...waiting...with bated breath for something spectacular to happen. I think sometimes I live in a world of my own creation. I'm such a girl, forever dreaming, and forever disillusioned...
Thank you for being here for me. I am here for you as well.
Hugs and love,
Lafaye
Sandy tends to withdraw and isolate which makes things incredibly hard because we are in a long distance relationship and also because we each have our own triggers and so we get in a place where we are both "reacting" all over the place, bouncing off each other like pinballs.
Hi Lori,
That statement above describes me and Chris to a T. The first portion is me. I isolate and withdraw. She discharges and just stays quiet and we do bounce off each other like pinballs. It's hell sometimes. I am still here because I do want to recapture what was once so good for us. I just wish I knew how...
Thanks Lori,
Hugs,
L.
Thanks Ting, I do appreciate it.
Hugs,
L.
Thank you Wobin,
Just having the support helps.
Hugs,
L.
Hi Alisha,
Thanks for replying and I see you've posted before but since I've never met you, welcome to LL. It's a wonderful place here with some truly phenomenal women. (Sending hugs and love to my Knightly G. Miss you girl!)
It's a long story with Chris and I, most of the ladies here know about it. The sex thing; well let's just say we're having that dreaded lesbian dead bed. I won't go into it, it's caused so much pain for us now, I don't even want to think about it.
We've talked and talked and talked. We're just in this place and I have no idea how to get us out of it. We still love each other. Counseling isn't an option right now, can't afford it. We're just in a place, and it got the best of me last night.
Thanks for replying.
AND WELCOME! Hope to see you posting a lot more.
Hugs,
L.
Edited 2/18/2005 2:49 pm ET ET by lafaye_ak
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