Having A Moment....

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Having A Moment....
16
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 7:40am

Hi everyone,

It's well after anyone's bedtime and here I sit, listening to my GF snore, feeling more lonely than I've felt in a long time. I feel so disconnected and discontented right now. I guess I'm just reaching out; I know you ladies are out there...somewhere. It helps to not feel quite so alone.

I keep wishing you know, that things will get better for us. Our relationship, our home life. I keep wondering when it all went south. Why it seems to keep persistently traveling down a road that seems as if it has no end, a road that is going to end...nowhere. I keep having these memories of times that were so good. And now it's so sad. I hate my life. I really feel that way right now. Nothing seems to be going right. I can't fix it no matter how hard I try and even though I know there are some things that I cannot fix, I try anyway. My heart dictates it so, and yet, it is all for naught.

I am just having a bad moment. Was sick for two weeks and I'm still trying to recover. My boss is grumbling at me because of it and I don't know if I'll have a job if I can't kick this soon.

Sorry ladies. Not expecting anyone to join my solo pity party here. I just needed to reach out.

Hopefully the dawn will bring a more positive light for me.

Hugs all,

L.




Edited 2/18/2005 8:06 am ET ET by lafaye_ak

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:09pm
Lafaye,
You know that I am feeling your pain. I could have written your post myself.
We have been having some break throughs now, but sometimes I just wonder what the motivation is.
I am comforted in knowing that my pilot has a good friend in you. She is hurting while I try to get my head and my relationship together.
Today ssheila and Lesli had a breif IM. Sheila was on my screen name because her Mom IM'ed me. Then I had to go out to meet the AAA guy for my car battery. When Lesli IM'ed it was Sheila.
I am sure that was a tad awkward.
This happened today. Sheila is off today. So, I am hoping Lesli is ok. We will talk later.
Sheila is ok with that as long as it is respectful to our relationship.
This is hard on all of us, but Lesli does not have anyone with her. She is so alone , well she has friends but you know what I mean. I think it is hardest on her.
Take care my friend. I hope that things can get better for you.
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 10:49pm

((((Lafaye)))) hun, I hope the dawn did bring a positive light to you today. I know how hard these "down times" can be. Believe me, I seem to have them every night these days. And it is hard, not feeling like you can really talk to anyone about it, feeling so alone.


I am glad that you felt that you could "reach out" here. So many of us do know and understand.

right click and choose save as~xo


co-cl of Lesbian Life


my email bethh137@yahoo.com


my blog http://silouhette.blogspot.com/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 11:32am

Well Lafaye, the dawn is here - I see you were up in the middle of the night so I am going to assume things weren't so good last night. I am sorry.


You are still young, and I'm willing to bet you have a long life ahead of you. Maybe it's time to move on. I know that I made you mad when I said that once before - but I only say it because I know what you are feeling. I have been in your shoes.


You can love her for the rest of your life, you can keep in touch, but sometimes things just get stale and they don't get better. Sometimes they do. I wish I could tell you with confidence that love conquers all, but I know from experience that love is not enough sometimes.


Please don't get angry with me, or offended. I just think when you have to work so hard on a relationship that maybe its time to call it quits, cherish the memories, and move on. I want you to be happy. Everyone deserves that.


I can't stand country music but there's this one line that keeps coming to mind from a song called "Outbound Plane" by some girl that goes..."cause if love won't fly on it's own free will I'm gonna catch that outbound plane" It sounds like a good idea to me. Love shouldn't be so hard, or so much work. Hugs,


Sandra

Sandr

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 12:55pm

Thank you so much for the kind words......it was good to see and hear from you....

I thought about you this morning and thought what great fun it would be for us to take a road trip. I would love to go back to Delta Junction and the North Pole. If I was in Alaska, I definitely would have a road trip on my mind. I can drive for days and not look back, and just lose myself in the country. I would put on my best winter clothes, and head off to the river, black rapids, sit among the rocks and listen to the river flow.

God has definitely out performed himself when it comes to Alaska. Of course, I know to watch out for those pesky bears! lol Somewhere around Delta Junction, I remember going to this mock old town, and listened to a gray bearded fellow tell ghost stories in a tavern. That was a great place to be, good beer and fun times. I miss being on the river...and cliff climbing. I'm not sure if I could have lasted through a winter there, I need daylight and sunshine longer than a few hours a day! lololol But, the sky is so beautiful where you live.....you have an endless supply of reasons to write, tap into that and you will find the right words for your heart. Hugs to you my friend, with you in love and spirit,

halo

hugs

halo

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 3:29pm

Hey you,

Part of my reply is in a separate discussion I've started. You'll see it. Know before you read it though that nothing you've ever written to me has angered me; au contraire your words encouraged me to try. So, never fear Sandra, you've been good to me Hon!

Hugs,

L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 4:20pm
good! *smooch*


Sandra

Sandr

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