I've got a ? for the divorced of us ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
I've got a ? for the divorced of us ...
14
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 1:33pm

Hi Ladies,


As most of you know, and for those that don't, I'm almost over with my divorce. Now the question/problem I am having.


Idiot and I are pretty much getting along, I put my foot down and stood up to him so now he REALLY knows I'm a lot stronger than I was.The thing is that his Grandma and Dad aren't doing well at all. They won't be here for much longer. Now ... Do I go to the funerals ( they were a part of my life for 20 years ) or what do I do? My heart is telling me to go, but then the brain kicks in and wonders what I am thinking of.


Any suggestions will be great !


Thanks and hugs,

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 1:40pm

I say go, if they meant anything to you at all......

hugs
halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 1:48pm

Robin,


Funerals are for the surviving family members; not the dead people.

Scarlett
my blog

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 2:33pm

(((((((((((( Scarlett )))))))))))))


You hit it right on the head. I am so confused over this grand shift in my life and I don't know what to do.


You gave me such great advice, thank you from my heart :)


Many hugs,

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 2:45pm

(((((( Halo ))))))


Thanks so much for your advice. The whole thing is that I might cause tension there and that is the one thing that I have absolutely no intention of doing. All these changes in the dynamics of my life have me all turned around. I have no idea how to react.


I think I will gauge what I do on Ricky's emotions. Even now I would NEVER disrespect what he needs, he's still a human being ( a stupid one, but still ).


Thanks again for posting :) I not only love the support here, I need it!


Big hugs,

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 3:48pm

I say go. If they meant anything to you, then that's where you need to be. Your ex has nothing to do with that relationship. Go, wish them farewell. You'll regret it most likely if you don't. It's pure respect, honoring a relationship that meant something to you and them.

Hugs,

L.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 7:13pm
Wobin I would talk this out with your ex, preferrably before they go so that you can "clear the air". Explain to him that these people still mean so much to you, that you would not feel right not going. Let him know that you in no way intend to cause any tension between the other family members, so that he may pass this on to the others if need be (hopefully this is more in your head and the family will not mind you being there). There is no reason you should be deprived of paying your last respects to those you care about.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 9:40pm

(((((( L ))))))


Thanks so very much for your input. I really appreciate it very much.


It feels so good to be back here with my friends :)


Hugs,

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 9:47pm

(hopefully this is more in your head and the family will not mind you being there).


This just might be right, I may be thinking to deep into it without knowing how they feel. I do plan on talking to Ricky and seeing what input he has on the subject. Whatever I do decide to do, I will show my respect to them ( Dad & Grandma ). All this is so new to me, I don't know the 'protocol' of being divorced.


Thanks so much for the advice my friend, I love being back here :)


Hugs,

Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 10:30pm

Wobin,

I made the mistake of not going to my ex dh's mothers funeral. I recently got to speak to my ex-sister in law whom I stayed away from for years. We loved each other, and I felt it wasn't my place to be around them and him. Now, I have found out that they were wishing I had been there, and sad that I never came to see her, or them.....I guess we have lost out on many years of happiness because of my fears. If you had any relationship with them at all, then you should show your sorrow as well. Not everyone understands the reason for funerals, and it's hard to judge one way or another. When my step mom passed, I felt so bad when my ex girl friend found out a month later. She cried and asked me why I didn't call....I felt bad because she loved my mother, and tho they had not been in contact for years, the love was still there. It's a touch and feel situation that only you can sense. Whatever your decision, may God bless you at this time...

hugs halo

hugs

halo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 10:43pm

((((((((((((( Halo )))))))))))))


Robin

 **Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**   

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