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| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:00pm |
Hey ladies.... I was in here before alittle over a year ago with relationship problems with my girlfriend at the time. Well just to refesh everyones minds about that relationship... I gave up everything I knew in Michigan to be with her in Arizona. Things started to get rough about 4 months into the relationship with me working different shifts as her. I am no longer with her as she broke up with me in January of last year. She never really gave me a reason to why besides that I had to work on things and she wanted to work on things as well. I have talked to her on the phone since I left Arizona, I have been there for her when she needed someone to talk to at any time (even when she was seeing someone else and was having problems in that relationship). I had recently learned that the reason she broke up with me was because she thought that I was cheating on her with one of my friends from work. She said that I talked about my friends from work all the time and I would go out to shoot pool with them or go out to the bars with them. She also told me that I had personal things that I needed to work on such as being more responsiable, putting my foot down more and be the person she first fell in love with, I agreed with that. I changed who I was because I got scared and was finding ways to run away. I thought that I was ready for a long term commitment but when we joked around about having kids and being together forever it scared me. I stopped doing a lot of things that I use to do in the beginning of the relationship. I didn't make her feel secure because I always talked about my friends. I do take some blame for us not being together but its her fault as well for not communicating with me and asking me. Here is the thing that I am confused about. I still love her VERY much and want to try again with her once I feel that I can give her 110% of me and know that I am truly the person that I want to be (until I reach my goals which I only have 2 more to reach) Since I've left Arizona every time we talk on the phone she constantly asks me if I am dating or if I have a girlfriend. She sounds very concerned but as soon as I tell her no her tone goes to a more happy tone. I recently sent her a letter telling her that I never stopped loving her, apologized for turing out the way I did, for always talking about my friends and making her feel insecure (although I didn't realize that I was talking about my friends all the time) Before I left she told me that she wants me to fight for her again if I truly did love her. Well I tried to forget about her over the last year but can never get her out of my mind or heart. I asked her in the letter if I should move on or if there was a fighting chance for me to try again. I have worked on myself and am about 85% where I want to be. Anywho, she told me over the phone about a month ago when I wrote her that letter that she doesn't want me to give up on her but that right now she just wants to have "fun and date around" for awhile and that she doesn't want to be in any relationships. I told her that I couldn't fight for her yet anyway cause I want to be the best that I could be for her and for myself. Just last week I called her since I haven't heard from her in 2 1/2 weeks, she was out shopping and I was joking around with her about picking something sexy up sending me a picture of her in it. She then says "I can't do that my girlfriend would get mad at me", now I am confused since she just told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship. Do you think that she is just holding on to me, trying to have her cake and eat it too? What would you guys think of this situation? I know that I should probably just let her go but right now I can't. I haven't been able to in over a year and it's something I feel that God hasn't taken away from me yet. I know there are reasons for everything and I feel that the down fall of the relationship is because I needed to learn that I had things about myself that I needed to work on. I knew that I did but somethings I didn't see until that relationship. Alot of ppl tell me that I am kind of girl that everyone is always looking for but sometimes I question that when I look back at this relationship. I always did try to make her happy but it's hard to do that when your not totally happy with yourself. Well anywho, I just need some input if you guys could. Thank you.

Hi Tang,
First of all, welcome to LL. You've found a wonderful place and I hope to see you posting more often. The good or the bad, we're here.
It sounds to me that the lady in question is doing what she said she was going to do: "Date around and have fun." So maybe this 'GF' is someone she's not planning on being with for a while.
I will say this: Don't let her string you along. I'm not saying she is, but, you need to find out exactly what she wants. Because you can't spend your whole life waiting on her if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If she does, then I would try to find out how long she thinks she needs to date around. It might be better for you to do the same. Date, have fun, work on what you need to work on personally. And if the day comes when you decide, Okay, I need to know what the lady I'm in love with truly wants, ask her. Or if the day comes when you realize that you don't want to go back to the relationship, tell her that.
I commend you for trying to work on your personal issues. There are a lot of us here right now trying to do that, myself included. We've had some pretty intense conversations here lately.
I don't know if this will help you, but I hope so. You'll get lots more input, so be prepared lol...
Hugs,
L.
Welcome back tang!
It's pretty obvious that neither one of you really knows what you want yet. As much as you say that you love her, you telling us that you're not yet ready to fight for her - along with the other issues you spoke about while you were with her - tells me that maybe you should move on for awhile, "have fun and date around" like she's doing. Gage her reaction the next time you talk to her on the phone and you answer her (very transparent) question "yes, I am seeing someone" instead of
Sorry.. but we do have a very wonderful person going by Ting out here couldn't resist..
I commend you for getting yourself together and working on things you want to change about yourself.. But I am thinking
C >^. A .
I meant to reply to what you had said Beth, "It's pretty obvious that neither one of you really knows what you want yet. As much as you say that you love her, you telling us that you're not yet ready to fight for her" I do know exactly what I want, I have always known what I've wanted in a relationship and from her. It's just the fact of getting passed being scared to move on to that serious long term commitment. I've wanted that for a long time but always seemed to get scared. I do love her and the reason why I can't fight for her right now is because I want to be 110% where I want to be with myself. I want to be able to give her my all, the best that I can be for her and I can't do that if I'm not happy with myself and where I am as a person. I couldn't give it to anyone else because I'm not where I thought that I was a year ago. I may not know what she wants right now but I know what I want from her or if things don't work out with us then with who ever I end up with.
Here is my story from the beginning... Jenn and I had talked on line for over 2 years ( I've known her for 4 years now) We ended up talking on the phone a few years ago and got even closer, next thing we knew we fell in love with each other but never said anything. Finally a year later she was on the way to an Arizona Diamondback game and we were joking around about girls and stuff. Before she had to go she said to her friend that she had to call her girlfriend back after the game. Well when she called me back I had asked her about it and she said that she didn't mean to say it. Later that night I asked her if she wanted to be my girl, she said yes then I asked her to be my girl. After about 4 months of making it official we wanted to be together (since long distance relationships are hard to do)so I told her that I would fly out there to be with her (remind you that I am from Michigan) I got out there and the first 3 1/2 months were great! I did just about everything for her the whole time we were together. I got up to talk to her when she got ready for work and told her how beautiful she was, I'd clean the house up for her, make her a hot dinner for when she got home from work, left her notes on her pillow telling her how much she means to me, I opened doors for her all the time, if she asked me to help her with her son (he was 2 at the time) like giving him a bath or getting him ready for bed I'd do it, I would run to the store for her when she wanted something even if I was already for bed.... I did a lot for her. After I got a job is when things started to go down hill. We hardly got to see each other because she worked from 8am-8pm and I worked from 4am-1pm and I would stay up until about 6 or 7pm. As I had said before I talked about new friends (who I found out where lesbians as well) to her not thinking that it could make her feel insecure but I still tried to show her that she was my world. She never wanted to go out any more so I would go out with my friends after work or on my days off we went to the bar. Eventually she pulled away but I started to pull away before that when she really started talking about having a kid and a huge house together. I do take blame for some of the things that happened. If none of it did though I wouldn't of known that I was scared about serious relationships, or that there were some spots still that I needed to work on for myself. I'm the type of person who wants to be the best that I can be... not only for myself but for my friends or my girlfriend. Believe me I do know what I want in relationships and what I want for myself. I know that I love this girl with all my heart and I do want to fight for her again if she wants it as well. If she doesn't then I do want to be able to move on but I can't until I know it is over and that there is closer. I can't give myself to someone else if I can't get over someone else, it's not fair on them or on me.
MandiJewell
~xo
co-cl of Lesbian Life
my email bethh137@yahoo.com
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