My week........

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
My week........
32
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 11:43am
I will start by saying hi and I have missed all of you more than you will ever imagine and more than I probably should have. Ok, Friday morning I took Jeremy to school then went to the clinic. This is a county hospital clinic so I expected it to take between 4 and 10 hours to get done and home. It really only took me saying that I couldnt see out of my right eye and they were seeing me within an hour. I went in, told my symptoms and they (3 med students) checked me at seperate times and had me do some stupid human tricks and had their guess. then I saw a real dr and was told I was gonna have a CT Scan. This was about 5 hours after I had been there. I waited in the clinic...... then Brandi had to go get Jer from school and take him to her mom's. she came back and we waited several more hours and they took out my port (like and IV but with an attachment that they can give meds and take blood from). 5 mins after they told me I was being admitted since they couldnt get me a ct scan till early AM... I went to my room after 15 hours of waiting in this teeny tiny room with Brandi and I had a 100 y/o roomate and they told me that Brandi had to leave. I cried all night. I havent been away from her at night in over 5 years. Then they wake me up taking blood and putting the port back in and I had a migrane and threw up in the waiting room for the ct scan at 4:30 AM. The ct scan came back negative and they sent me for a MRI and more blood tests. Later that day I was told I do have MS and I was to be put on a high dose of steroids for 5 days and i had to stay till friday. They sent me for another MRI for my spine and neck (the first was the head). The neuroligist had a hard time believing I was walking. He said i had so much Placqes (sp) on my brain that I shouldnt be able to walk. Then I had to have a spinal tap to see if there was infection in my spinal fluid and to see how it will progress and how bad it really is and all that but I wont have those results for a few weeks.
** Then to top off the whole week, Wednesday I called Brandi to make sure she was ok getting the kids up and off to school and give her my love and all and she was kinda edgy. I didnt understand but she wanted to get off the phone. I did thinking she was stressed with the kids (she hasnt even had them both by herself before) so I didnt think much about it. about 20 mins after Jer would have been at school and she was to be at work she walked in my room. I was suprised and happy to see her. I asked "what are you doing here....." She told me that my dad hung himself the day before and died. I had just talked to him the day before and told him what was going on and we joked about him being my roomate instead of that woman and him getting his hernia fixed and getting all his ailments fixed.... we had a good conversation but he did get off the phone weired. So I got out of the hospital thursday and had my kids thurs night and friday night and went to my dads house (where I grew up in East TX) we looked throug his "life" and stayed the night and the funeral was yesterday. I hate that when someone dies all everyone thinks about is what they want out of it. I have had the hardest week of my life and all people can say is can I have...... or this was mine.... vultures! I got back from the funeral and there were 20 or so people on the porch, 10 or so in the living room and his girlfriend that didnt even know till saturday was in his room. alot of them were going through his personal things and it really pissed me off! I made most leave but some things my brother wanted are missing. we then smoked to my dad- I dont drink but I have occasionally smoked a J with my daddy so in memory me, brandi, my aunt, uncle and a few of his close friends I knew passed one around for him. BTW, the doc told me that was one treatment of some symptoms but they cant offically prescribe but he wanted me to know. But I started my prescribed treatment thursday (Avonex- an injection in the hip) and it made me feel like poo-poo thursday and friday and most saturday. I could barely move I hurt so bad. I give myself the shot every thursday for the rest of my life.......
well, this has turned into a book so I will let yall go. If you have any questions, I will answer them. I want people to ask in case I forget to ask something myself. so please ask me- even about my dad. so fire away...i want to talk about it and I feel like I am talking too much here at home... I missed you girls so bad, mandi
Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 11:59pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{Mandi}}}}}}}}}}}}

First, let me say how terribly sorry I am to hear about your father's death. What a sad and tragic loss. To have that on top of such a difficult medical diagnosis is pretty awful.

I do hope that you take good care of yourself and get all of the rest that you need. I've missed you while I have been gone. I'm sending you lots of love and healing angels.

Love, Pam

Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:14am

Oh Mandi I am so so so sorry. I can't even express...I'm so sorry. No one person should have to endure what you have this past week. I do hope you have a GOOD support system. Someone to lean on because your illness and your dad...that is just too much to bear alone.

I wish I knew what to say ... but all I can say is, I'm here, we're here. Anytime, day or night girl.

Many BIG BIG BIG HUGS for you.

Love ya Mandi.

Shonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 9:47am
I think I answered all the questions yesterday... if I missed, let me know. I am doing better emotionally today. I kinda woke up with a new outlook on life. I got up and fixed cheesy eggs and bacon and toast instead of cereal. I read 2 books last night instead of just 1. I even talked to Jeremy's dad last night and told him I was sorry for trying to keep Jer away from him when he was born and I was glad he was trying to be a dad. Brandi has been the one dealing with him pretty much since we have been together. But he moved to NC 2 yrs ago and Jer has never wanted anything to do with him since and he decided yesterday that Jer was more important and quit his job and moved back last night... so I am glad he is taking responsibility and doing his job. My dad wasnt around my childhood. That was one of his major things that depressed him, he said in the letter, that he wasnt there for me. He didnt realize that I did have a good childhood regardless of if "my real parents" were there I still had good people taking care of me. I am not bitter about how and where I grew up like my bro. He also didnt realize how much he has done for me since I have been an adult. I lived with him for about a year in Paris, Tx and he let me glue '30 and '40's fabric all over my walls and drive his truck I didnt know how to drive. He rescued me from being broke down in the middle of where he lived and where I lived many times and once even gave me the Bronco HE drove since I didnt have a car. That was the car I traded to get the car I have now actually. He cut Jer's hair all the time. He saved me probably 1000 in haircuts alone! He has done so much that he didnt even know. He was such a good man. he had heart that no one else had. And man he loved a good bonfire! That is the best thing I inherited from him....how to make a good fire! I learned that oil is a great fire-starter! And I know I was talking about the vultures yesterday and I may be one too, I dunno but my dad left me some pretty cool stuff! Funny...well, I have bored yall enough...just wanted yall to know that he wasnt as screwed up as he thought. He really was a great guy. I wish yall could have met him... he could have charmed a rattlesnake... I am gonna start replying to some of the other posts maybe later today. I havent read any yet as I am still dealing with my own, but I do want to. so yall dont think I am ignoring you...kay?
Thank you so much for being my friends! I am lucky to have all you!
Mandi
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 10:53am
I have been dwelling on the bad that I forgot to tell you the good... About insurance... I am covered on what they call JPS connection. costs nothing a month, 10 for dr visits and 20 for scripts until I get insurance through Brandi. We talked to the ins co and they said they werent sure if I would be excluded from it or not. they said they have the right to anytime. Im sure when they realize my treatments are 2000+ a month they may...BUT I can be covered by the other with no prob if I cant get hers. 2nd good is Brandi gave me a beautiful ring last night she had her new jeweler friend make special. It is silver with rainbow precious gems in a line on it. she had herself one made too. she said they were for our anniversary- march 12- but since all has happened she thought I needed a pick-me-up. they are so pretty. I was suprised. I love suprises and she really isnt good at that since I manage and know the money. she did good! mandi
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: mjewell52
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:44am
Awwwww mandi, I wish I could make it all better for you. If you ever need to talk I can send you mt number, I stay up late. Just send me your e-mail addy and I can send my phone number.
You know I don't always have the answers, but I am a good listener.
Sadie is so right on about you seeing a counselor. This is almost to much for anyone to have to take all at once.I cannot even imagine going through everything that you are going through all at the same time and still having to do every day things like take care of the kids etc.
I still worry about you. I want you to know I think about you all the time.
I keep you in my prayers. (yes, I do pray.)
Hang in there, I know it is hard.
I love you and want you to have plenty of rest.
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:29pm
Ya know, I wish you could make it all better too. I really do have a good support systom here. Brandi is awesome. she has been through a lot too. I have never really just cried with anyone before and we just cried together. she lets me get out my venting and whatever I need to and doesnt get offended. I have noticed she gets a little aggrivated somtimes but who wouldnt. yeah, we may both go to a councelor of some sort. not right this second, I want to see how I can handle it. I think I will be ok though, better than my lil bro that is for sure. he is taking all this very personal and I am not positive he will make it through but he is with my g-ma so I cant do anything -he is a clone of my father, cept he doesnt have the heart. my g-ma is holding on to him tight. okydoky, I am trying to think of my reality show now....mandi
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
In reply to: mjewell52
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 8:21pm

Oh Mandi~

I don't even have the words to tell you how sorry I am. This is more than anyone should have to deal with at once. I can understand the pain of losing ones father suddenly and in an awful way -- and I wish you strength as you face this loss over the upcoming days and months. I am also terribly sorry about your diagnosis. I do not know much of anything about the condition, but I hope that you are able to find the answers and help you need.

Hang in there, and I wish you the best.

Jules

Jules

Avatar for nursepam2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 12:09am

(((((((Mandi)))))))


You deserve some good news.


Hugs n stuff!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
In reply to: mjewell52
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 1:50am
Mandi, I am so sorry.

Kim
Check out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
In reply to: mjewell52
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 4:10am

Mandi,

First, I want to say that I'm so sorry about your father. My father loved a good bon fire too. I've lost all my parents (3), and the only really good thing they left me was their memory, and that was the most precious gift of all. I understand so much about the vultures, death brings out the worse in people. They do weird and crazy things. On my husbands side, they argued over their fathers things, even his underwear! wo what's with that? lol. To save myself from getting angry with the others, or upset, I threw grace into the wind, and let them have whatever made them feel good. When my fathers funeral was over and I was at his grave alone, the only thought I had was what Jesus had said, "It is finished" and my father is in his hands. I don't know if this will help you much, but for me, I have an odd way of dealing with their deaths. When ever I need them or want them, I always know where they are, and I never have to worry if they are ok, cuz they are in good hands. If I want to see them, they are always where I left them. Happy Birthday to my dad...his b-day was yesterday....

Second, I'm also very sorry to hear about the MS condition that you have. I can tell you that some of my friends have been diagnosed with MS, and only one developed serious symptoms. So, my prayers are that you will find ways to cope with this illness, and that the blood of Jesus finds it's way into your sytem and heals you from the inside out. The people with the most positive dispositions, do better than those that give in to their predictament. You sound like a fighter, and that's a good thing. Don't let this beat you into the ground. Your girl friend is an angel, and is going to need you as much as you need her. My prayers and thoughts go to you both, and your family.

hugs
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hugs

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