need advice ,possibly?

Avatar for cooledbyair
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
need advice ,possibly?
4
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:29pm

everyone seems to be posting not so good news,so I kind of feel like a jerk in the fact that well I am pretty happy...beaming in fact....I am falling so head over heels for the lady in my life now...she is everything I never knew I wanted,lol..actually I always knew I wanted someone like her...she is a brillant writer....she is sweet and kind....even though she like us all have had our problems....I am thankful that she tells me everything....the bad she has been through as well as the good.....I want to know everything I can about her...I have meet most of her family and look forward to meeting her sister and whoever else when I can....

the advice?well learning about her good and her bad in her past means knowing about her ex who well she moved across the world for basically...it was a two year relationship and well I am intimadated...the ex still calls,yet my gf says she tells her that it is over....I told her after a callshe got from her and she called and told me about to have her cell number changed...she hasn't..the ex is still on her yahoo messenger and well very recently before we got together offically,I saw where she had posted on a board she goes to how she "sat and waited for her to sign on",and how she was going to visit there when she got her taxes back.I trust my girl 110% I just think I really have issues in the past with being left and cheated on.....no I have no fear at all of her cheating.....yet well the ex thing bothers me...alot more then maybe it should....I keep telling myself to just chill and all,but doesn't seem to work all the time.I really don't want my insecurity to screw things up....she comes here alot....calls alot...everyone tells her how she beams....I feel stupid to have concerns ???what does everyone think???hugs and thanks in advance,Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:42pm
Dear Sweet (((Jo))))You know I want so much for this to be the one for you.. Am keeping fingers crossed and sending good {{Vibes}}} but..but.. Hon.. If she still has her ex on her Yahoo, and does not take your advice to change her cell number to at least some thought and is waiting for her ex to sign on and is planning to do what? Go visit when her taxes come?

 C  >^. A .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:48pm

Hey Jo! Long time no "speak" lol!


Well, it's pretty normal to have insecurities about ex's, especially one with that kind of history and your relationship being so new - I would be intimidated too. So far, your gf has been open with you and that's a very good thing. I would be up front with her about

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 9:08pm
Hi Jo,
Has your g/f said how she feels about you yet. Maybe it is still early in your relationship and she has not let go of this ex until her feelings for you grow deeper. Maybe she just wants to be friends with this ex. If I read correctly she was waiting for her ex before the two of you really were together. Maybe some of that is changing.
Sometimes lesbians have a way of falling out of love and remaining friends, maybe this is her case. Have you talked about it in depth with her. Ytried to find out where she stands with this ex and if you need to pull back incase she is going back to her?
Have you two discussed exclusive dating?
Good luck and like Cat said guard your heart a bit longer.
Hugs, Laurie Check out my new blog. co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board Email- didoangst@comcast.net http://didoangst.blogspot.com/ http://www.4-lesbianlife.com/
Avatar for lafaye_ak
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 12:29am

Hey Cat and JO,

I agree with you Cat: I got bad vibes just reading that and Lord KNOWS I am in NO position to offer advice on anything I just told Scarlett that but in light of this (And Scarlett if you're reading...)

Guard your heart a bit longer Jo. I hate to even say that, but those red flags flew up reading your post. Like Cat I do hope I'm wrong in the face of so much happiness you're feeling. But, just be a little cautious...and don't ignore that small voice inside that tries to protect your heart. If I'd only listened...

Sigh...see what I mean? Who am I to give advice honestly.

Good luck Jo, I do hope she IS indeed, THE one...

Hugs,

L.