Wow, what a confusing time for you. I can empathize. I don't really know what to say except, I know you love her, but I guess it really boils down to: How much can YOU bear? Yes, your GF is going through a very hard time. But she must realize how unfair this is to you? And to the other woman also. Everyone involved has invested emotions. And someone is going to lose no matter what.
So, I guess I have to ask you: How much can you withstand with this situation? She's not in a position it seems to give you the security and affirmation you need. She doesn't know what to do or what she really wants. So in the meantime, she's keeping you both in her life until she decides what it is SHE wants. But what do you want? What does the other woman want?
I can't imagine the angst you go through with this and I wish I had more solid advice to offer, but my own situation prevents me from feeling as if I'm healthy enough to do so.
Scarlett, you seem like a wonderful woman, and any woman would be priviledged to walk by your side. I do hope things work out for you.
From my own personal experience... A while back I mentioned I was in a 3-way relationship. I was pregnant when I started dating this girl not knowing she had a g/f. It was 1 week till I had Jeremy actually but I wasnt due for another month and a half. anyway dated (moved in immediatly) 3 months and the "other girl" was still around too but they saw each other at her house and I knew. I was, i dunno postpartum, and thought I loved her and she went back and forth between us for 3 months when I moved across town. Then she went to visit another girl in Florida and her other g/f and I started seeing each other while she wasnt there. when she returned we talked to her and SHE decided we could all just live together. Well, that lasted a week I think and I left.Then she thought Sshe could try to get visitation of Jeremy 4 mths. Now I realize she just wanted the baby! she still continued seeing both of us for a while till I decided to move in with Brandi.! I know that isnt your story but my point is that if she loves you, she would know it and only want to be with you. With that girl I liked her and there were good things about her but it was NOT worth the pain and suffering she put me through. she strung me along till I decided to move in with Brandi (after she kicked her g/f out) about a year and a half! I didnt date her for a while but she still tried to see Jeremy till he was almost 2 then Brandi put a stop to it by telling her to get lost and I havent seen or heared from her since. It sure has been peacefull! This may or may not help but you KNOW when you are in LOVE! You just know. I love Brandi. when I was away from her last week I thought I was gonna die. That was way more devestating than my MS! My dad however is a different story! LyLaS,MandiJewell
I am glad you talked to Kelly, even if you feel that you may have put more pressure on her, it was a step in the right direction.
My only question to you is, are you willing to wait for this girl to make up her mind? Are you okay feeling that she is just "passing time with you while she figures out what she wants?" From what you have described so far (and I'm just an outsider looking in - I don't have both sides of this story), I don't believe she is sincere when she tells you that she wants you to feel safe, secure and loved. If she really felt that way, she would let you go. That's just IMHO.
You're a very smart woman Scarlett. I hope that you do what's best for you,
Hi Scarletter,
Wow, what a confusing time for you. I can empathize. I don't really know what to say except, I know you love her, but I guess it really boils down to: How much can YOU bear? Yes, your GF is going through a very hard time. But she must realize how unfair this is to you?
And to the other woman also. Everyone involved has invested emotions. And someone is going to lose no matter what.
So, I guess I have to ask you: How much can you withstand with this situation? She's not in a position it seems to give you the security and affirmation you need. She doesn't know what to do or what she really wants. So in the meantime, she's keeping you both in her life until she decides what it is SHE wants. But what do you want? What does the other woman want?
I can't imagine the angst you go through with this and I wish I had more solid advice to offer, but my own situation prevents me from feeling as if I'm healthy enough to do so.
Scarlett, you seem like a wonderful woman, and any woman would be priviledged to walk by your side. I do hope things work out for you.
Hugs,
Shonda
A while back I mentioned I was in a 3-way relationship. I was pregnant when I started dating this girl not knowing she had a g/f. It was 1 week till I had Jeremy actually but I wasnt due for another month and a half. anyway dated (moved in immediatly) 3 months and the "other girl" was still around too but they saw each other at her house and I knew. I was, i dunno postpartum, and thought I loved her and she went back and forth between us for 3 months when I moved across town. Then she went to visit another girl in Florida and her other g/f and I started seeing each other while she wasnt there. when she returned we talked to her and SHE decided we could all just live together. Well, that lasted a week I think and I left.Then she thought Sshe could try to get visitation of Jeremy 4 mths. Now I realize she just wanted the baby! she still continued seeing both of us for a while till I decided to move in with Brandi.! I know that isnt your story but my point is that if she loves you, she would know it and only want to be with you. With that girl I liked her and there were good things about her but it was NOT worth the pain and suffering she put me through. she strung me along till I decided to move in with Brandi (after she kicked her g/f out) about a year and a half! I didnt date her for a while but she still tried to see Jeremy till he was almost 2 then Brandi put a stop to it by telling her to get lost and I havent seen or heared from her since. It sure has been peacefull! This may or may not help but you KNOW when you are in LOVE! You just know. I love Brandi. when I was away from her last week I thought I was gonna die. That was way more devestating than my MS! My dad however is a different story!
LyLaS,MandiJewell
I am glad you talked to Kelly, even if you feel that you may have put more pressure on her, it was a step in the right direction.
My only question to you is, are you willing to wait for this girl to make up her mind? Are you okay feeling that she is just "passing time with you while she figures out what she wants?" From what you have described so far (and I'm just an outsider looking in - I don't have both sides of this story), I don't believe she is sincere when she tells you that she wants you to feel safe, secure and loved. If she really felt that way, she would let you go. That's just IMHO.
You're a very smart woman Scarlett. I hope that you do what's best for you,