Depressed in the sunshine
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| Sun, 03-06-2005 - 8:26pm |
The sun is shining again and it is over 70 degrees; but I am sitting here crying over my keyboard.
I have had the unfortunate ordeal of dealing with some very severe PMS the last few days. I have at times throughout the last week felt deeply depressed interrupted by some feelings of normalcy. I've cried several times today and I am unable to really identify the cause of the feelings. I'm sad and scared and unsure and feeling quite fragile all around. I know that I will have days like this; I know that I'll have days like this; I know I will; I just don't know how to quite handle them. I really, really need to just start my period and get it over with, I know that will help a little. I also need some sleep. I've been so tired the last few days and unable to sleep, no matter how hard I've tried. I've tried to nap yesteday and today. Today, I am so sleepy, so very sleepy; and completely unable to sleep.
I feel like I have nothing to look forward to that will lift me out of this funk; only more of this desparity that I feel like I'm starting to sink under. Will I drown in it? Sometimes I feel like I'm dying, like all of this pain is just too much to bear and it will someday just kill me; I will just curl up in a ball and die in my own sorrow that has become my life. I just get tired of trying to look at the positive sides of everything, tired of thinking that all of this will serve me well someday. I don't want to hurt every day anymore. I don't want to worry about what is going to happen to my life. I don't want to wake up every day dreading getting through how hard it all is. I did all of this to myself; I chose it, I made it happen. And here I sit; complaining and crying about how hard it is. It's actually really pathetic.
I guess I'm just reaching out to some people that do understand my plight.

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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Scarlett)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is rough being sad when the weather is so lovely. It almost doesn't seem proper, does it? I was sad today as well. I tried all day not to be. Like you, the weather here was gorgeous. I don't have the pain or suffering that you do. For me, it is a woman. I was sad over a woman. Though I was sad, I couldn't cry. I tried, but the tears seemed AWOL. Finally, after fighting the blues all day long, I put on some Elton John. When Your Song came on, the tears appeared. I cried. Then, Blue Eyes came on (she has blue eyes). I cried like the biggest baby on the face of this earth while Blue Eyes played. Now, I feel some better. I've sworn off women for the 100,000 time. We'll see how long this lasts. Someone grab a stop watch. LOL
What you are going through is unimaginable to me. I know I'm not physically near you to give you a real hug, but would you please accept my cyberhug? BIG CYBERHUGS(())
Take care. I'm glad you posted!
big hugs,
buggie
Scarlet,
Girl you need to pick up the phone and call someone at moments like that. If no one volunteers, I will. I'll send you my number and will give you the best ear a person can give. Those moments when your feeling that alone and helpless, call and you will find the love and support you need, and some laughter too. When I'm that far gone, I usually take a tylenol PM and it knocks me out when my brain is in overdrive and I can't sleep. You can call me anytime, as I'm not one to fret about time. If you don't get hold of me, you can be assured, I will get hold of you ASAP! Let me know if you want my number. Join us in chat and have some fun, guarantee it will make you feel better....we can get you a good stiff drink! lol
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hugs
halo
hugs
halo
I know that is not easy to function through all that..May I suggest you
C >^. A .
Cat who is rosa_bel?
halo
hugs
halo
Scarlet, don't ever feel as though you don't deserve support through your pain. Please take halo up on her offer, and cat's advice was very informative. Look at the responses you've gotten so far...they all care about you and worry....that's what a good support group is all about, and you have it. Yes, you made your own choices, but that only proves that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. So many other women remain in a complacent or unhealthy life, scared of everyone turning away from them, and there is no greater unhappiness. No matter how much it hurts now - you have the chance to live your life and begin a healing process. I also want you to know that there are many networks out there - support groups you can join, and make friends with women just like you. You live in one of the best cities in the nation and I'll bet you anything you will have no problem finding a number of these groups. Please continue to reach out. Even if you are not ready to find some new friends or call halo, know that we are here for you and we will always give you warm (((((hugs))))) and gentle support.
Please explain..
Thanks.."CAT"
((((Hugs))))
C >^. A .
Scarlett my friend,
Believe me there are plenty of ladies here who know how you feel.
aka
I too have been there and I know how it feels! For me, the answer was Zoloft. I had to be convinced to take it (this was 11 years ago) but once I started I could not believe the difference! It is awesome. I still have trouble during PMS, but nothing at all like before. It makes me laugh at magazine articles that say "Take a nice hot bubble bath to lift your spirits." Bubble baths just didn't cut it for me!!!!! The vitamin idea is good too, also exercise seems to help me, although I did exercise back then when I had it too... Good luck!!!! Will keep you in my prayers!
Brownie
(((((Scarlet)))))
A warm bubble bath, a fluffy blanky, a nap, and a little chocolate can do wonders.
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