Depressed in the sunshine
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| Sun, 03-06-2005 - 8:26pm |
The sun is shining again and it is over 70 degrees; but I am sitting here crying over my keyboard.
I have had the unfortunate ordeal of dealing with some very severe PMS the last few days. I have at times throughout the last week felt deeply depressed interrupted by some feelings of normalcy. I've cried several times today and I am unable to really identify the cause of the feelings. I'm sad and scared and unsure and feeling quite fragile all around. I know that I will have days like this; I know that I'll have days like this; I know I will; I just don't know how to quite handle them. I really, really need to just start my period and get it over with, I know that will help a little. I also need some sleep. I've been so tired the last few days and unable to sleep, no matter how hard I've tried. I've tried to nap yesteday and today. Today, I am so sleepy, so very sleepy; and completely unable to sleep.
I feel like I have nothing to look forward to that will lift me out of this funk; only more of this desparity that I feel like I'm starting to sink under. Will I drown in it? Sometimes I feel like I'm dying, like all of this pain is just too much to bear and it will someday just kill me; I will just curl up in a ball and die in my own sorrow that has become my life. I just get tired of trying to look at the positive sides of everything, tired of thinking that all of this will serve me well someday. I don't want to hurt every day anymore. I don't want to worry about what is going to happen to my life. I don't want to wake up every day dreading getting through how hard it all is. I did all of this to myself; I chose it, I made it happen. And here I sit; complaining and crying about how hard it is. It's actually really pathetic.
I guess I'm just reaching out to some people that do understand my plight.

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((((((((((((Scarlett))))))))))) I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I can relate to what you said about XH getting all the comfort from friends. I lost all of XH's and my mutual friends during our divorce. Some did and said some truly horrible things, and the relationships are forever irreparable. But, I knew that would happen so it hasn't cut as deeply as I thought it would. Still, it hurts.
On top of that you're dealing with PMS, and that's really tough. I'm on an antidepressant and mood stabilizer and still find that PMS is difficult sometimes. Lately, I've been trying to tell myself over and over that it will only last a day or so, but on those days I really just want to crawl into a hole and not come out for a while. Like Pam and Caly
((((((((((((( Scarlett )))))))))))))
Many squeezy tight warm hugs
Robin
**Please remember to sign your organ donor card...it can save someone's life**
Ladies,
Thank you so much for your support.
Scarlett
my blog
((((((((((Scarlett))))))))))
Tread lightly. Write down what you're feeling and come back to it when the PMS haze has lifted. PMS, as I am sure you know, can assist us in doing things in an irrational way. I don't like to make any decisions or say much about how I am feeling until it's passed. If I still feel as strongly about things after the syndrome has lifted, then I deal with the issue. I tend to say too much when I am in that time frame of the month. Then I have to go back and apologize to a million people who made the unfortunate mistake of walking past me that day. It's ok to retreat and reflect on yourself and your feelings from time to time. Feel your feelings, and post often. I am finding it to be very helpful.
<<< I don't like to make any decisions or say much about how I am feeling until it's passed. If I still feel as strongly about things after the syndrome has lifted, then I deal with the issue. I tend to say too much when I am in that time frame of the month. Then I have to go back and apologize to a million people who made the unfortunate mistake of walking past me that day. >>>>
Sharmyka, I know exactly what you mean! I made a deal with myself (long ago, when it was so bad) that I would never file a complaint, start a fight, or send a letter during PMS. I just wrote down what ticked me off and then when it came I went back to see if I was still mad. Most of the things were so minor and I was soooo glad I waited. You can hurt a lot of feelings by reacting at the moment, and also make yourself look bad.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that was great advice!!!!
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