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| Sun, 03-27-2005 - 1:31am |
Hi, everyone. My name's Aislinn. I'm 23, married to a great guy, with 1.5 kids (one 19-month-old and one on the way). I'm also a bi-sexual. My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. I've been upfront with him about my sexuality since the very beginning. He's been supportive because he knows I'm loyal to him and would never cheat. The issue, however, is that I'm no longer very attracted to him. I find myself only attracted to women. I see guys at the mall or on TV and I don't find any of them attractive; it's like they don't even register on my body's radar. The women, though...that's another story. I'm confused about what to do with this. I've been honest with my husband about my lack of attraction to him, and he hasn't forced the issue. But it's causing a serious rift in our relationship. It's tough to stay intimate emotionally when there's no physical connection. Our affection has almost stopped, even though we both know we love each other. I don't want to leave my husband. I guess I just want to have a partner who is more sensitive, more intuitive, less dense, and more emotionally available than my husband. We've been in marriage counseling for awhile, but there are just some things that are innate about men that no amount of counseling will change. Things have gotten better, but he still doesn't have the emotional support or physical attractiveness of another woman.
I would really appreciate any advice that you have. We, as a couple, have agreed that we'll both stay loyal and never have an affair (either one of us). It's not just the physical aspects, although it is that, too. But I'm afraid I'm going to meet a really great woman, get too involved and want to leave my husband. That would be a very bad thing.
Anyway. Thank you all for your help!
~ Aislinn

Hi there Aislinn and Welcome to Lesbian Life.
Pieces of My Life
Welcome Aislinn! You will find this board to be very welcoming and supportive, many women here have been in your situation at one time or another.
I agree with everything that Pam told you. I also wanted to point out that, while your husband may not be as
Hi there and welcome.
As a recovering straight woman who was married for ten years I can understand your situation.
Scarlett
my blog
Great place here.. *Smiles..
((((Hugs))))
C >^. A .
I really appreciate all of the help and support you guys have offered me so far! We are definitely still in counseling and plan to continue it. I shared this post and my other thoughts about it with dh. He wasn't upset with me, but he said he was confused. I guess part of me is just so frustrated with what I've become that I want something totally different. Part of it is about what I'm not getting from him, but part of it is just my frustration with "only" being a wife and a mother and nothing else. I don't have any friends here (it's tough making friends with military wives...there are so many that are jerks), so my individuality is lost.
Also, I'm bipolar, so even when I'm not pregnant or post-partum, it's still as if I am. I don't respond well to medication, either, so most of the time I'm handling it all by myself. I'm in support groups (in person) for that, as well as the BP board here on iVillage. Those ladies, too, are wonderful!! I've had a really hard time making logical, sound decisions because I'm either manic or I'm depressive, and it switches fast! A decision that would be great today (being manic) would be terrible tomorrow (being depressive). It's really tough. I often rely on the feedback I get from my counselors and group-mates. Of course I use my common sense, too, but I rely on them to help keep me thinking long-term, not just how I'm feeling. (Does that make sense?)
I really appreciate your help...all of you! I'll be around.
~Aislinn
Welcome, Aislinn! Wow, you have a lot going on. You have gotten a lot of great advice, but I wanted to add a few thoughts.
First, I think it is good for you to consider all sides of your situation with DH and your feelings for women. But I agree with Scarlett who said that you need to focus on getting your baby here at this point. As you know with your first child, the first weeks after birth are difficult, not only with the newborn but possibly with postpartum depression too. Adding a second child to the family is a huge stressor. It is delightful and wonderful of course to have a new addition to the family, but you will be busy taking care of the basics for baby and your toddler while trying to manage your relationship with DH. That can be VERY hard until you settle into a routine and your oldest child adapts to having a new baby in the house. I've done it and it is difficult.
I am bipolar too, and that adds even more complexity to the situation, especially if you are unable to feel stable without meds. I've read that the symptoms of bipolar can worsen after pregnancy. I had no idea I was bipolar until my second child was born. I slipped into a deep depression and started doing things like spending money compulsively. I finally got a handle on myself and started medication a year ago. It has worked wonders for me. It's good that you already know you are bipolar, so that you can handle possible changes in symptoms after birth. What meds have you tried?
Having said all of that, the point I want to make I guess is to take care of the immediate needs first before you delve into this type of life-altering decision. As you work through this with DH, be true to yourself.
I want to welcome you to the board. You have gotten a lot of great advice.
I feel at this time that all I can add is, be true to yourself.
I have never been married or had children so I am not sure how to advise you in this case.
I will support you in any way. I like what all the others had to say.
Please continue to feel free to come here to find advice, support, a place to vent or just to share with other's. You are always welcome here.
Laurie
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Email- didoangst@comcast.net
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Thanks, everyone! :) I appreciate all the support. I've talked with dh about all of this, and I do mean ALLLLL of it. I'm talking with my doctors about the meds to try and find something that will work for me. I think that'll be a fairly easy task; it's already half done. Hooray!! And I'm not acting on anything. I wasn't planning to. It was just heavy feelings I needed to get out. I've been bi all my life, and I've always known it, but I wasn't able to come out until about 4 years ago. It was tough in a small town, knowing this but never able to act on it. It made me very nervous that someone would discover my "secret" and I'd no longer be able to change in the girls' locker room, or lose all my female friends, etc. None of that ever happened, but I guarded my secret closely. I never did tell anyone back home until 4 years ago, and even then I kept it pretty quiet. (Partially because I was in the Air Force and I was trying to get my security clearance. Not a good mix.) Anyway... That aside. My dh is very understanding of those feelings, but he's not overly tolerant of me wanting to be with women. He wants to figure this out and fix it first, as do I. We're still in marital counseling, and will remain there. I am in a separate support group just for me (and my abused past), and I will bring this up there to get their input. They know about my orientation (for lack for a better word), so I feel comfortable bringing it up to them.
Sorry. Rambling. I'm getting manic. Much better than being depressed, which has been an issue lately. But I'm talking with my doctor -- who is really awesome and listens to what I have to say -- to get this regulated. Things are complicated and busy, but still very hopeful.
~Aislinn
Sounds like you are taking all the right steps. I