having a good/bad week
Find a Conversation
having a good/bad week
| Thu, 03-31-2005 - 11:36am |
I am kinda stuck in the middle here. I am depressed, I know that but I dont think it is bad enough to worry about. The good- I have a beautiful new car and we are planning to sell this house and move to a bigger, beautiful newer house. The bad- I have been thinking alot of my dad and my grandma is mad at me for going to his house before and after the funeral. she isnt speaking to me and she and bro just went to his house and got everything ready for "the yard sale." And today I am Suppose to be taking my injection but the county hsptl I have been going to denied my meds till I see a financial aide person....good- I have insurance the 4th and an appt with a real nuero the 7th. bad- I have no idea how long it will take to get the meds in the mail. good- Hey, I wont have the flu tomorrow (reaction from med)! I am sorry I haven't been responding this week. I am a bad boardie. I have been packing and cleaning for this move, but we dont have the house yet. Brandi wants to get it ready for someone to look at to sell. *sigh* I am tired and stuff and stuff..... I'll be back soon. miss u, Mandi

You are not a bad boardie. I hope I never sent that message. I just want people to be able to feel free to post when the want or need to.
Having real life issues that keep you from the board is most understandable.
I am sorry things are so back and fourth for you. I worry about you not getting your meds.
I hope you can find a quick solution.
I am not sure why your grandma would be mad at you for going to your dad's house.
Maybe you could give a little more information as to what her deal is.
You are going through such heavy duty problems and issues right now.
I know that you will be greiving for your dad and I am sure that your grief makes everything else so much harder on top of the grief.
Just hang in the mandi. Things are starting to come together with insurance coming etc.
You have your own little family, the kids and brandi who love you and support you.
I am not telling you what to do, but counseling can't hurt. I did not want it at first and did not want to admit that I should go. Now I can't wait for my sessions. I know I have one hour a week to just work on me and my issues with someone who is there not to judge me but to ease things for me and help me strengthen my coping skills.
I will admit to you that before counseling I swallowed a hand full of Zanax. I could not take living in constant and chronic pain and feeling useless. Counseling has helped me get through the suicidal thoughts and helped me to cope with pain.
It has also helped me not feel guilty when I have bad days and cannot get things done like I should.
I could not accept my limitations before. Now I can and have found other things I enjoy that I can do, instead of dwelling on the things I cannot do.
You must have so many questions about your dad. I think it is normal to seek help when their is a suicide to deal with.
I can tell you this, no one could have stopped me or known what I was going to do. I never let on to that fact that I had been thinking about suicide. It was only by a fluke that Sheila happened to wake up and find me.
After oh several months of counseling I have never had a suicidal thought again.
I want to have as much quality of life as possible, and I know that I can have that, even in pain and emotional issues from my assault.
You will have good and bad days mandi, so really treasure the good ones, and try not to stress over the things you cannot change. I have learned that. Stressing is only going to make you feel worse and nothing will change until the timing is right if it ever will be. Since you need to wait for the insurance just relax and do what you can do until then. It takes some practice, but you can do it.
The same with your grandma, this is her issue so you cannot change it, shake the dust from your feet and enjoy the things you do have, like brandi and the kids.
Sometimes you just have to let go when people hold grudges like your grandma. You have enough to deal with don't give grandma any more time. It will have to be in her timing if at all. It is ok to remove yourself from people, yes, even family, who are not adding healthy things in your life. Let that be her problem not your's.
Personally if someone turn's their back on me like that then what good are they in my life anyway, other than to make me feel I am on thin ice all the time with them.
I have missed you and I sure hope things work out soon.
Get rest when you need it.
Feel free to e-mail me anytime.
Miss you,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Come vent whenever you need Hon.. I have so much going on in my life last couple weeks I feel like I am going to burst.. Not in a happy way either..
I keep my tears in and well I guess I release a bit now and then..
There are some positive things (Heck a lot really) coming out but it's been so much stress!..
I need to catch everyone up on all.. but each time I think to.. I feel like where do I begin?
Hang in Hon.. Believe in you as Laurie said.. Put aside those that mean you no good.. Better to push away from people that will bring you down..
((((HugsHon)))
((((Hugs))))
C >^. A .
I would think you would have a right to take anything you wanted to of your Dad's.
It is so sad when a family member makes a death a reason to not speak to other's in the family, a sort of distancing themselves from other family members for some reason.
I have been wondering how your eyes and legs are doing since you started treatments. I am hoping they continue to feel more normal.
I am glad you will talk to the doctor about the depression. The meds. can help but sometimes it takes awhile to find the right ones. So, yeah you should think about it before making a decision. Some of the one's I have been on made me feel worse and unable to function.
The ones I am on now really help and make me feel normal unless they need to work with the dosages.
Please do not feel pressure to come to the board all the time. It is nice to hear from you when you can and I really appreciate the updates.
I think about you all the time and wonder how you are doing.
Please say hello to brandi for me. She is so sweet taking care of you like she is. You must be so loved.
Hugs to you and brandi.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
(((((((Mandi)))))))
I hope tomorrow is better.
Hugs and Love from Pam
Pieces of My Life
I am not a good one for words, but I send you many cyber hugs and happy thoughts. Put you and your children and your girlfriend most important in your life. Take joy in their love for you.
Mandi you are an amazing woman,
(((((Mandi)))))
Lea