Trying to Heal
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Trying to Heal
| Mon, 05-30-2005 - 1:46am |
I have been gone for so long and have missed you ladies so much.
I have been going through alot of physical and emotional turmoil (I will use the word turmoil at the risk of sounding a tad dramatic.)
I guess I crawled into a hole to hide from my own frustrations of my body not wanting to heal as fast as I would like it too. I have been told that (as most of you know) my heart condition is reversable at this point, but have come to find out that I have lung damage that will never heal.
I have done this to my own body from smoking and living a wild life in the past.
The other physical problems come from an assault years ago and seem to be getting worse as I get older.
I always felt like I would always be to strong to get sick or injured as I have been.
I am only 45 years old and I just went into a deep dark depression realizing my own mortality.
I am determined not to give up. I am still going to be strong and get through this.
I started this weekend by really starting to do some serious working out. I got very sick and had to beg my parents to please not call 911.
I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time.
I am promising to be here on a regular basis no matter what from now on. I refuse to give in to my weakness.
The strong will survive!!!! I have always said that I am a survivor. This is just one more time I need to prove it to myself.
Thanks you for being patient in my absence.
I have been going through alot of physical and emotional turmoil (I will use the word turmoil at the risk of sounding a tad dramatic.)
I guess I crawled into a hole to hide from my own frustrations of my body not wanting to heal as fast as I would like it too. I have been told that (as most of you know) my heart condition is reversable at this point, but have come to find out that I have lung damage that will never heal.
I have done this to my own body from smoking and living a wild life in the past.
The other physical problems come from an assault years ago and seem to be getting worse as I get older.
I always felt like I would always be to strong to get sick or injured as I have been.
I am only 45 years old and I just went into a deep dark depression realizing my own mortality.
I am determined not to give up. I am still going to be strong and get through this.
I started this weekend by really starting to do some serious working out. I got very sick and had to beg my parents to please not call 911.
I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time.
I am promising to be here on a regular basis no matter what from now on. I refuse to give in to my weakness.
The strong will survive!!!! I have always said that I am a survivor. This is just one more time I need to prove it to myself.
Thanks you for being patient in my absence.
Hugs,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html

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>>>>I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time<<<<
Leslie, I really know how you are feeling, hon, so I'm sending you the biggest of hugs and as many healing vibes as I can muster. Having endured long term health problems myself, I know how frustrating it is. Having to put so much of your life on hold because your physical self is not upto it. All the more frustrating when you are mentally sharp and rearing to go; when you you know your own capabilities and yet body leaves you uable to pursue them.
But you know, you MUST take things slowly and let your body heal at its own pace, chick. Otherwise you'll do yourself even more damage and thus lengthen that healing process even more. I know it's hard Leslie, but you CAN get through this. It's taken me the best part of five years or more to get myself feeling more human again. Even now, things aren't same as they were, but it's something I've adjusted to and learned to accept about myself. Aware of
I'm so sorry for hearing you haven't been feeling well. But I'm so happy that you are strong and going to fight your sickness back. This is not a time to give up all hope. Now is the time to do everything you can to get better. Remember we are always here for you (bad and good) and if you need somebody to talk to - start typing!!! We support you 100%!
LOL,
Angel
(By the way, it is Laurie not Lesli.) Lesli is the athletic one, haha, funny you should get the two of us mixed up.
Five years you have been working on getting better? That is a long time, but the good news is you continue to get better.
I always think days or a couple of weeks in terms of being sick and then getting better. I remember you having been sick for a long time.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience. It is encouraging to know there are people close by (due to this board) who have gone through the same things and have a positive story to share.
I am not a quitter. I won't give up, although I almost did for a while there.
I have made up my mind to push myself more each day.
I am also thankful to have so much support from family and friends here at home.
We have decided to go with a maid service with some of my disability money. It will help us out both physically and emotionally to have the house in tip top shape as it used to be. I will do what I can in the mean time. We have also had help with the yard work, and I do as much as I can with that.
I used to do it all myself and enjoyed it so much. I plan to accomplish something each day no matter how I feel.
Instead of feeling down for needing help, I am now feeling greatfull for the people out there who offer their services to do these things.
I will keep telling myself it will get better even if it takes years.
Thank you loubie-doo for your encouraging words.
It is to easy to sit here and bring myself down when things are piling up around me and I just cannot get to it all.
I am a survivor and will get through this no matter what.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Poop...how daft of me to call you Lesli instead of Laurie, when I knew only too flippin' well who I was writing to! I'm a dork, hon...was trying to thrash something out for ya before Nony and I hit the store!
I'm so glad that you continue to have positive things in your head about all this Laurie. It ain't easy on the tough days, hon, that I know. But you will indeed get past this - and the help you're getting in will go a long way to helping you get back on track. I'm really glad you are getting some support in place, chick. It's just what you need right now.
Any time you need a sympathetic ear about this stuff, feel free to email me through my profile, hon...kay?
Hugs, Loubie
I know that I could live another 40 - 45 years which is like a whole life time and I have so many things I want to do and accomplish.
I know you have been through so much with your health too.
I will just have to accept my limitations for now and keep hoping that each day I will gain strength or at least work towards it.
I was so ready to give it all up for a while here.
I know that you understand and thank you for the encouragement.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
I will take you up on that.
I love your little Popeye eating his spinach. I loves me spinach too.
Hope you are having a great day and HI to Nony.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
WOOT Laurie!
Sooo Very good to see you back my friend!
aka
Thank you.
And yes, we will travel this road together. I look forward to it!
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
(((((((Laurie))))))))))
I have no idea what it must be like to be going through what you are going through, but I think the emotions you are feeling would be natural for anyone. I'm glad to see you here. I've missed you. Do what is right for you. We will all be here for you.
big hugs,
buggie
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