Trying to Heal
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Trying to Heal
| Mon, 05-30-2005 - 1:46am |
I have been gone for so long and have missed you ladies so much.
I have been going through alot of physical and emotional turmoil (I will use the word turmoil at the risk of sounding a tad dramatic.)
I guess I crawled into a hole to hide from my own frustrations of my body not wanting to heal as fast as I would like it too. I have been told that (as most of you know) my heart condition is reversable at this point, but have come to find out that I have lung damage that will never heal.
I have done this to my own body from smoking and living a wild life in the past.
The other physical problems come from an assault years ago and seem to be getting worse as I get older.
I always felt like I would always be to strong to get sick or injured as I have been.
I am only 45 years old and I just went into a deep dark depression realizing my own mortality.
I am determined not to give up. I am still going to be strong and get through this.
I started this weekend by really starting to do some serious working out. I got very sick and had to beg my parents to please not call 911.
I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time.
I am promising to be here on a regular basis no matter what from now on. I refuse to give in to my weakness.
The strong will survive!!!! I have always said that I am a survivor. This is just one more time I need to prove it to myself.
Thanks you for being patient in my absence.
I have been going through alot of physical and emotional turmoil (I will use the word turmoil at the risk of sounding a tad dramatic.)
I guess I crawled into a hole to hide from my own frustrations of my body not wanting to heal as fast as I would like it too. I have been told that (as most of you know) my heart condition is reversable at this point, but have come to find out that I have lung damage that will never heal.
I have done this to my own body from smoking and living a wild life in the past.
The other physical problems come from an assault years ago and seem to be getting worse as I get older.
I always felt like I would always be to strong to get sick or injured as I have been.
I am only 45 years old and I just went into a deep dark depression realizing my own mortality.
I am determined not to give up. I am still going to be strong and get through this.
I started this weekend by really starting to do some serious working out. I got very sick and had to beg my parents to please not call 911.
I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time.
I am promising to be here on a regular basis no matter what from now on. I refuse to give in to my weakness.
The strong will survive!!!! I have always said that I am a survivor. This is just one more time I need to prove it to myself.
Thanks you for being patient in my absence.
Hugs,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html

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I hope the job hunt will be more positive for you.
Don't forget to check military installations. They also hire civilians you know. They might close some bases but they will never go out of business. I think you would find those jobs under Government job listings.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
So far I'll I've had are sales job offers. I'm not interested in selling cars or insurance. But, I've not applied heavily for a job either. I did apply for a web developer job in Raleigh. I have yet to hear from the employer. I've posted my resume on Monster and Careerbuilder.com. That is where the sales job offers have been from. I've yet to purchase a Charlotte Observer newspaper and applied via snail mail. I've been planning on doing that soon.
I have been browsing over a government job web site. Last week, I did a search on Monster.com for IS jobs. Seems the Navy is needing IS people, but you must enlist. One particular job was in Houston via the Navy. So, I've been pondering on whether or not I would want to be a military person. There was a similar Navy job in Fort Lauderdale as well. I would prefer living in FL. If I enlist, I'll most likely be living on a ship!
I'm right at the cut off age - 34 years old. They may not even want me for that reason. But, I don't know for sure that I want to be in the military either. I don't know how I would fair on a ship for 6 months.
Decisions, decisions...
buggie
I applied for a job in another town at an air force base once and there was no "joining" the service,it was civialian and many jobs here at the air force base are that too...my neightbor retired from his on the air force base and he was not in the military......so not sure where the info came from but sounds like those are not civialian jobs at all....Jo
Hi Jo,
Yes, I'm fully aware that this is not a civilian job. Searching the government jobs, I've seen civilian jobs. This particular job opening in Fort Lauderdale and Houston is not a civilian job. You must enlist. It is in the field of Information Technology, which is what I graduated with a degree in.
Thanks,
buggie
Edited 5/30/2005 10:01 pm ET ET by bug1971
I was meaning civilian jobs working on the bases. I did love the Navy, but I am not about recruiting. lol.
I never had to live on a ship. I was aviation so I lived in my own house off base.
We had alot of civilians working on the bases everywhere.
Good luck! And happy hunting!
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
C >^. A .
I read your other Q.C. story below also.
Sheila say's to tell you "HI" and to send you a hug from her too.
Our little Poppie died a little more than a week ago, he was sick since we got him. If you don't remember he was a ferret.
We spent $600.00 to try to get him better but he just did not make it. So we got a new baby one and have named her Elizabeth.
She is a little rascal and she and the little dogs get along very well. She has a four story condo cage right near me in the living room and loves to push her balls up the ramps and throw them down from the top. She likes to scratch the dogs on the head the way Sheila and I do and they go up to her and put their heads down so she can give them a scratch. She was only 8 weeks old when we brought her home, but is already using her litter box all the time. She sleeps in a hammock in her cage. I cannot believe how cute and smart these little ferrets are. I have always loved to train animals and the ferrets train so quickly.
Did you at least give Q.C. a little lick of icecream for all her trouble?
We bought a smoothie machine from QVC and have been making smoothies with fresh fruit.
I am starting to look into more natural healing methods. I like the proper diet as it makes me feel so much better.
Also my counselor makes tapes for me to listen to for relaxation etc. and she has shown me pressure points to help me too.
I am determined to push through all this. I felt worse and more blue just laying around and not doing anything. Just about felt like giving up, but something inside me said, no way.
Also a few of my comedien friends appeared at my door the other night to pull my head out of my TOSS, and convinced me to take it to the stage instead of hiding in my house. So I will begin to write and perform again even if it is just locally. You just won't find alot of mercy and pitty among a group of comedians. But you will hear honesty, caring and alot of jokes about being pathetic.
I have to really agree with you on the natural healing thing. I feel like since I have been on all these drugs I have been feeling so much worse. I am always tired, in pain and have gained more weight than I care to mention here.
There must be a better way naturally.
Sorry for rambling so long. It is so good to hear from you all.
I really miss this place when I am away.
Thank you for the laugh and the Q.C. stories.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
This thought about the Navy entered my head long before you posted. You know, I'm beginning to wonder if I wasted 4 years of my life on getting this degree. I should have majored in something medical. Anyway, I really want to live in FL. I wonder if they would hire me at Disney World? ;) I could be a short clown or some short cartoon character! (I'm only 5'3)
Just a jovial post- no need for you to reply, unless you just want to.
buggie
(((((((Laurie))))))))
It is so wonderful to see you back! I'm sorry things have been so rough. I understand those feelings of depression resulting from realizing your own mortality and feeling like you just can't get well. I had those feelings after the birth of my second DD. I'll post about that in your post below. It really changes your perspective on things. Sounds like you're taking some steps now to fight back, and that's wonderful.
Take care and welcome back!
Hugs,
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