Trying to Heal
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Trying to Heal
| Mon, 05-30-2005 - 1:46am |
I have been gone for so long and have missed you ladies so much.
I have been going through alot of physical and emotional turmoil (I will use the word turmoil at the risk of sounding a tad dramatic.)
I guess I crawled into a hole to hide from my own frustrations of my body not wanting to heal as fast as I would like it too. I have been told that (as most of you know) my heart condition is reversable at this point, but have come to find out that I have lung damage that will never heal.
I have done this to my own body from smoking and living a wild life in the past.
The other physical problems come from an assault years ago and seem to be getting worse as I get older.
I always felt like I would always be to strong to get sick or injured as I have been.
I am only 45 years old and I just went into a deep dark depression realizing my own mortality.
I am determined not to give up. I am still going to be strong and get through this.
I started this weekend by really starting to do some serious working out. I got very sick and had to beg my parents to please not call 911.
I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time.
I am promising to be here on a regular basis no matter what from now on. I refuse to give in to my weakness.
The strong will survive!!!! I have always said that I am a survivor. This is just one more time I need to prove it to myself.
Thanks you for being patient in my absence.
I have been going through alot of physical and emotional turmoil (I will use the word turmoil at the risk of sounding a tad dramatic.)
I guess I crawled into a hole to hide from my own frustrations of my body not wanting to heal as fast as I would like it too. I have been told that (as most of you know) my heart condition is reversable at this point, but have come to find out that I have lung damage that will never heal.
I have done this to my own body from smoking and living a wild life in the past.
The other physical problems come from an assault years ago and seem to be getting worse as I get older.
I always felt like I would always be to strong to get sick or injured as I have been.
I am only 45 years old and I just went into a deep dark depression realizing my own mortality.
I am determined not to give up. I am still going to be strong and get through this.
I started this weekend by really starting to do some serious working out. I got very sick and had to beg my parents to please not call 911.
I have been very frustrated with my body since it is not co-operating with me in my time.
I am promising to be here on a regular basis no matter what from now on. I refuse to give in to my weakness.
The strong will survive!!!! I have always said that I am a survivor. This is just one more time I need to prove it to myself.
Thanks you for being patient in my absence.
Hugs,
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html

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will you be wearing your new outfit?
Do not forget, details, details, details... What we other's wearing, were there alot of couples, singles,
what do they talk about down there? Etc.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
*hugs*
Nice to see you laurie... it is hell to see someone so full of life suffer with such thoughts. I know well how it is, went through the same thing 20 years ago, and it takes a long time to get passed it. Thoughts about whether they had it right, etc... I changed my diet, was a fanatic about what I ate... it took years to get over the phobia. Hang in there, you will find your way of dealing with it.
worlds undone
It has been so long since I have seen you. I miss you and thank you for your support. I am hanging in there.
I hope all is well with you.
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Well I didnt wear my new outfit, but I did wear the new boots *grin and they were nice.
aka
Laurie
co-cl of Lesbian Life Message Board
Email- didoangst@comcast.net
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhlesbianlif/
http://homepage.mac.com/lauriedav/PhotoAlbum1.html
Caly,
If that UPS driver continues to school you, which I hope she doesn't! You can always call in a big dog to come help you out! lol I would love to come see you and Ting!
hugs
halo
hugs
halo
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